Help regarding diagnosis

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I have reposted this from another thread, I really need some help or insight if anyone would be so kind. For further information the lady in question does not appear to be able to function by herself without support, and poorly even then. The intent of getting a diagnosis for her is so that she can access whatever help may be available to her.

"This is a little off topic, but relevant, perhaps some of you can give me some insight. My partner is an undiagnosed aspie. We realised last summer when 2 different people suggested it. We have worked at things together and understanding this has helped our relationship hugely. He was so adept at covering most of his 'oddness' (for the want of a better word) most things didn't really show up until we lived together which caused problems, but we've both worked hard at communicating with success. He's high functioning, and with my support is not bothered about getting a diagnosis.

However he has a younger sister who we also think has some difficulties. My hunch is that she's also on the spectrum. She's living alone at the moment but needs daily support from her mother and seems incapable of taking up the reins of her life. She also has had a problem with drinking, which she's not doing at the moment, but she's talking about starting again, probably because since she's stopped her ability to be social has also stopped. She's not working at the moment, and was dismissed from her previous job for poor attendance, but she doesn't seem to be interested in looking for work even though she knows she can only stay in her flat for a finite period of time before she needs to be bringing in an income. The whole family are very worried about her, when she was drinking she got herself into some dangerous scrapes, but they are getting weary of dealing with supporting her. (I hope that doesn't sound harsh, they have their lives to lead too, especially her mother) I am considering, with the rest of the family's consent (my partner already agrees) talking to her about this and perhaps helping her to get a diagnosis, but as this would be life changing I want to make sure that I'm doing the right thing in the right way. There's a lot more to my hunch than what I've posted here, she shows some very clear signs of being on the spectrum, now I know what it is, I just want to get some help with what I might do about it."

Hello, where are you in the world? This is relevant to any advice you receive being most appropriate.

The lack of motivation sounds like depression, lots of advice here and on the web for countering the effects.
Exercise, healthy eating, sleep patterns, natural supplements and of course medication. Obviously there may be another cause requiring action.

There is an genetic element to autism so traits are often seen across families, I'm not sure what support is available in your area. From what I have experienced personally and learned here is that there is often little or none available for adult with aspergers.

As for the drinking, been there myself, and it a very poor substitute for meaningful human interactions so any coping mechanisms adopted should help this woman to stay off of the booze. I still drink occasionally but it took many years for me to be able to control this.

Best of luck.

Hi - thank you for responding. We're in Kent, so not too far from you. I feel her problems are more severe than my partners, he could cope with living alone but she seems unable to, even though she really wants to. She is already being treated for depression, which started when she started to live alone, but the doctors want to reduce the dose she currently has because she's on a very high dose. I think she's on the spectrum because she has all the difficulties that my partner has, sensory, social etc, but to a higher degree. She seems to be so crippled by the fear of doing something wrong it either stops her from making any decision, or when she has (usually with assistance from someone else) it quite often provokes angry outbursts as she defends her position. My partner used to get angry with her, because he said that he has learnt to overcome it so she should be able to as well, it's quite something to see my loving, intelligent and mature partner descend into a 'childrens' squabble with her over some inconsequential thing. I'm really hoping that if she were diagnosed then some help might be available, to be honest I don't think she really should be living alone, she only eats cooked food when someone is there to tell her to put the oven on for example, and I don't understand how she can have got this far without someone noticing.

We really fear her going back to the drink and ending up dead somewhere, when she was drinking she was falling over and hurting herself, or bringing back men to her flat who broke the doors down and stole from her on a monthly basis. She's very vulnerable, if there is something that can be diagnosed and treated, or supported then I'm sure it would help all involved.

Hello Roch, Sounds like the time to act is now.

Depression and anxiety seem to be the most commonly occurring additional issues with Aspergers. What you have written could be caused by this or some other disorder(s). Deep long term depression has very powerful effects and becomes a pervading state. Obviously there may be other issues, I'm far from qualified to be able to offer any more advice on this.

A crisis point has been reached and you need to make this process as efficient as possible, it sounds like all the people involved are tired and frustrated and do need you to step in. Can I suggest that you have a family meeting separately first. There seems to be some denial regarding what the issues are and whether anything is actually wrong or needs to be addressed. I feel it would be good to know how others, especially the mother, feel without her involvement. I'm not suggesting that you make any decisions regarding this persons' life in their absence. If you can agree on a suitable way to proceed together this will lessen the amount of work needed but please be careful not to appear that you are ganging up on her. Paranoia is easily reached from a lonely anxious state of mind

I feel, mostly through personal experience, that the facts that she can live on her own, without burning the house down, and has been able to work in the past means available support will be limited. If you do collectively decide to pursue a diagnosis, the first step would be to find a considerate GP. You will need to avoid Mental Health staff who believe they are qualified to diagnose but are anything but, and will use classic Autism as the bench mark for Aspergers. NAS has also been unable to offer any advice to me personally either. Sorry if this sounds too cynical, but my experience of the NHS is "Keep taking the pills. Next."

This recent post list your rights regarding a diagnosis and has some useful links.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt227311.html

I'm sure there are many others on here if you trawl.

I hope this has been some use, if you don"t receive any other replies, can I suggest you re-post again in General Autism, The Haven or Members Discussion, the last is the only one that has privacy from the rest of the web. If you do post again regarding this, include UK in the title as most members here are American and the information on this subject is not cross-compatible.

I'm glad this person has others who care for her. Good luck.

Thank you for your insight Neilson, it's much appreciated.

You are welcome, hope you find a resolution.