Truly in need of help from other late-diagnosed adults.

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Yes, a lot of what you're saying sounds familiar. I've had similar negative reactions from psychologists and counselors when I've suggested aspergers as just a possibility for some of my lifelong struggles. I've gotten glares, which made me feel like I'm a horrible person who needs to just act write while other people hav real problems and need help. As a result, I continued to suffer. And tomorrow I will meet with someone who supposedly specializes in aspergers so I can get that professional validation. Mixed feelings about it for sure, but we will see....anyway. I spent 7 yrs studying psychology fulltime, and I worked around counselors for about 4 yrs. From all of the above; let's just say...I don't like to talk bad about others and leave it at that. I'm glad you were finally able to get a dx. I very recently self-dx or just plain old realized aspergers is what's going on with me. Ever since then, I've felt like a kid who needs protection from the world. And I'm 34!! I've been on my own since I was 19, but I now see a blind spot; it's like a huge vulnerable spot that I've denied for so long while I just trudged on through life after every mishap, mistreatment, social failure, traumatic experience, etc. Also feelings of being lost and a deep embarrassment as I realize how others must view me without my even knowing. Idk what to do really. Its such a weird place to be.

Not sure if my sharing helps, but a lot of what you wrote resonated with my own experiences.

Good luck, Liz, let us know how it goes.

I could not agree more. I work sooooooo hard to fit into the NT world, and I fail again and again and again.....I succeed at failing to fit in. Lol. But NTs treat me like I'm intentionally doing the exact opposite. Its infuriating and insulting to me, because their way is the only way and we are measured and labelled as such.

I know, right? I found out (a whole different story) that they were not so much glaring because we mention Asperger's, they are glaring because YOU VENTURED AN OPINION as to the DIAGNOSIS. That is their job and they feel de-valued. Just because you are working with a provider that is supposedly experienced in working with autism doesn't mean they aren't NTs. They aren't going to 'pretend they are not' because frankly, they can't. So if you think the 'right health care provider' will (magically) figure you out and set you straight (so to speak), I don't think the odds are good.



yeah, doesn't seem fair - just because I am not accompanied by helicopter parents that demand the latest treatments and therapies. . .




All those years when I thought I was doing all right because I could cook, and support myself through being able to work almost anywhere, but I was taunted and teased and people were always looking at each other and laughing. It feels pretty devastating to look back at my life and see my immature emotions and incomplete or just plain wrong assumptions and how those people involved might have been of the opinion I was a jerk, when I was literally just doing the best I could.



Liz, look at the vastness of posts in WrongPlanet. Sharing helps, it helps a lot.

Merle

I could do it, from about 20 to my late 50's, get together a new identity and get a job and fake my way though, for about 12 to 18 months and then I was pretty much toast. It is like having plates spinning on poles, things go well for a time and then becomes stress-fully out of control. However, I just packed up a U-Haul and moved along - always carrying too much baggage- but able to start over again in a new location, new people, and fake my way through until it didn't work any more. And this is long before I heard about Asperger's or anyone else had either.

When I finally did learn of my life long condition I thought "oh, good, now I can get help for Asperger's" I have been sober through AA since 1984 so I thought probably it might be something like that. Not on your life!
No open arms, no back pats and no coffee. It was cold turkey.

After running around trying to convince doctors that I wasn't crazy, I was autistic, I was running out of doctors. So I decided to go to a clinical psychologist and ask for a full mental workup. I didn't mention anything but a desire to understand myself better. He did a very through study and I took two days (4 hours each) of tests. I did chuckle when one of the tests was the granddaddy of them all for Asperger's Syndrome Take the AQ Test but I didn't say a thing.

I let HIM tell me I was Autistic - and a lot of other issues I had built up over the years trying to fit into the NT world. I let HIM type it all up and now I have all that info in one binder with his signature on it.

I guess I could have been more clear about it, but I'm not judging all psychologists by my experience with one unknowledgable, defensive person. It wasn't just one psychologist, it was several over the last two decades, plus psychiatrists and social workers. And I'm not judging the people themselves. The vast majority of them were and are good people.

The problem is they were constrained by explanatory frameworks that seem to require a blame option. The determination of a causal link has no room for blame. It leads to things like the baffling situation of my fascination with anatomy being deemed morbid, my preference for thinking mathematically being an illegitimate way of working out more threatening psychological problems, and my guilelessness being interpreted as guile!! They saw a young man who was tall, dark, and handsome acting 'aloof' around others- must be arrogance, right? Psychology had justifiable explanations for what was present, but justifiablility should not be the standard.

Also, once someone is seen a certain way, not a lot of work is done to disprove it. They tend to read the file and identify what the file says is there. If pressed to name the most regretable element of the process, I think it would be confirmation bias. That's why I said I don't know if I can trust psychology.

'Bad' people can cause a lot of harm, but how much more harm than 'good' people with unassailable misconceptions?

Yes, it has helped. (I know that vulnerable feeling, and I have described my perception as having 'blind-spots'.) I hope you can get more answers. A diagnosis might help. Many thanks and good luck to you.

Yes. Exactly. From my experiences, I have a strong mistrust for people who work within the field of psychology in a clinical capacity. Regardless, I still believe most of them are good people, but just not able to accept when they are possibly wrong or not able to see when they are actually harming someone who comes to them for help. I.e., one psychologist told me my abusive ex-boyfriend actually 'seemed like a nice guy.'

Thank you.. : ) Admitting my weaknesses has helped me so far.

Good luck to you as well. : )

I couldn't agree with this statement more. There's always someone to blame with psychology and in my case it's been me or my mother.

It's not that psychologists are bad people, it's that their pseudo science is outdated. Real science has moved on and discovered that there are biological reasons for depression, autism and other disorders; and these things can be treated with medicine.

It was an amazing experience to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist and treated successfully with medications. It was the first time I wasn't made to feel that my problems were of my own creation.

Treating mental disorders and illnesses with psychology is like telling someone to think more positively about their broken leg and when it doesn't heal, to tell them that they are not thinking positively enough.

I hope that psychology disappears as a treatment. It only serves to victimize people who are already suffering.

Possibly not 'weaknesses', possibly 'limits', 'tolerances', or even 'preferences'?

It's a sizeable problem for me that for people in my situation there's more to be gained by remaining ignorant of the condition than by finding out about it. In families, in organisations, you get a sort of zone of silence about adult autism. Don't ask, don't tell.

I recall taking a class in interview techniques, and being taught to mark down candidates who didn't make good eye contact, or moved their hands too much.

There's nothing subtle about the zone of silence. If a sufferer found out, and his organisation already knew, the liability risk starts to rise and noone wants that.

Did they say anything about candidates who stare too much? That seems to be my problem, probably because I have no idea what to do with my eyes.

GrandTuring,

I recognise some of myself in your experiences, except that I haven't had quite so many bruising encounters with the psychology profession. I distrust pscyhologists and counsellors because none of them thought to screen me for an ASD. Yes, they recognised that I had depression and anxiety - which they were right about - but never delved any deeper to find the root cause that I knew was there.

Maybe I'm being too harsh on them. The "Asperger's" diagnosis only came in when I was in my last year of high school, so it's understandable that I was missed in my childhood. (I was displaying so many red flags, I have no doubt that these days I would have been sent for an assessment). I'm not angry with anyone for that. What does make me incredulous is that I've seen several GPs and counsellors since then and not a one of them suggested Asperger's. By that time it's likely that I was masking too well for people to see any obvious signs. Nonetheless, I spoke to counsellors about social difficulties, the many troubles I'd had during my childhood, the trail of wreckage I'd left behind despite my good intentions, my constant exhaustion just from dealing with the basics of life. It's like once they found one reason, they didn't think it necessary to look for another.

When I accidentally discovered Asperger's myself, it was like a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle assembling itself in front of my eyes. Everything suddenly made sense. I was seeing yet another counsellor then (for careers counselling this time) and asked her if she knew of any good places to get assessed. To her credit, she didn't dismiss me. She did try to reassure me that I didn't have it because I didn't act like the Aspies she had met, but she gave me the recommendation. I then pursued an assessment and received confirmation of my suspicion. I was diagnosed with Asperger's at the end of 2011, when I was 34.

I think a lot of mental health professionals are very unaware of autism in high-functioning adults. Like you found, it's very important to find those that do. You may have a better experience with them. I can't offer any more advice because I'm at the point of wondering, "I have a diagnosis - what the hell do I do now?" There are many things that are holding me back, and the majority of them are likely to be related to Asperger's. I want to improve my life but have very little idea how to go about it.

What do you think you will do next? Has this thread helped you come to any conclusions?

Yes it seems those of us who are pretty good at faking normalcy are labeled "normal." And then when I am unable to suppress certain things I'm judged negatively and I feel harshly as well. NTs hav no clue how much work it takes me to fake their way of being and how much anxiety I feel because I fear people will again take advantage of me. (I feel almost compelled to take people's niceness at face value and hav trouble seeing their true intentions.)

I've been discussing aspergers with my mom and talking about the struggles I had as a child. And she keeps asking me, now that I know what's behind my difficulties, what am I going to do with this information? How is this going to help me? And I honestly don't know. The what now affect. Lol. I thought I would meet people in college who were 'like me.' I thought I would become 'normal' if enough time passed after all of the abuse and bullying ended and my anxiety and panic attacks went away. But this other 'stuff' is here regardless. I guess at this point its reassuring to finally know there are other people out there like me who hav similar struggles.

I am more than with you on the need for a second opinion.

Seven years ago, I was tested for the first time. I had many of the classic descriptions of AS, including formal speech, repetitve speech, and different dress (though too formal for the environment!) as well as others. But got disqualified on a technicality, and even my friends told me that I likely had it (they have NLD, which I hear is related).

Seven years, several contracts, and two moves later, I now have the diagnosis from someone whose nephews have AS and therefore knew what it looks like. I feel like what I have gone through could have been avoided. I don't regret it, but wish I could still have had family close by. I can pass for NT, but I really think it depends on your work environment too... some will do it to you.