Relating to extroverts

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This topic occupies 75% of my mind.

How do you come to a peaceful coexistence with them when you believe them to be a kind of generalized source of all your pain and unconfidence?

I seem to be a draw for them... and I'm drawn to them. I always think they'll teach me what I lack... I'm honestly unsure what they get out of me. But I always end up resenting them as hard as humanly possible.

How can I not hate extroverts? It gets so bad. Like a zombie both envious and hateful of the living.

Just have to find a way to resolve that envy. I see them as butterflies( hence the nickname I'm sure.) It's cool if they alight on my shoulder, but I know it's a quick and light touch until they're off somewhere else--relatively meaningless. Do you think they'll teach you to fly? It looks like fun, but walking is just as respectable and butterflies seem a bit lightweight....

I kept making the same mistake of getting too close to them and getting bitten. I don't think I could ever truly connect with them. In light of my recent discovery of AS, I decided to keep a good distance from them even when someone seems good, because now I am aware that I'm not capable of playing their game.

Part of me wishes I could "teach them" this or that... for one, that many an a**hole have hidden their intentions using heightened social skills. Think, a friendly and likeable attractive male who turns out to be a rapist. I could go on but... I just see a lot of extroverts giving huge douchebags passes simply because they tell a f*****g knock knock joke really well.

I want the best of both worlds (in all things, especially this though). I want to use my AS to focus and learn to do every damn worthwhile thing as well as possible. But then preserve my happiness by using those parts of me that are almost socially competent to see the good in people and have fun and adventures etc.

I think it's why I always try. If I hadn't grown up with a totally horrible sense of self, I think I'd be better able to think "they'll come back to my shoulder" or "if they never do I'll find another one I like," to use the butterfly analogy.

I know I'm off base... despite saying I resent them, I can't help but to partly eat it up when I have the attention and esteem of a strongly extroverted person. Like all my newly huge symptoms of AS, I know it comes down to basic self-confidence... I hate that stuff so damn much. If there's one thing I think anyone IS entitled to, it's that. It feels like a crime against nature that anyone is even capable of growing up without a certain level of self-assuredness.

Dammit, butterflies, I want you but I always talk you down.

Maybe it's a challenge to you. You say you want the best of everything, so could it be about seeing if you can contain/capture them as much as receiving that positive reflection?(back to the butterflies, sorry)

I avoid them. It is useless to try to play their games.



There isn't much to teach. Extroverted socializing may seem complex, but that's because it's so fake, shallow, ostentatious, fast-paced, overly emotional, and meaningless that it is a mystery to non-phoney, non-shallow, stoic or more logically-minded people who take their time to interact and actually have something to say when they speak, not because it's rich and profound. They are like that because they enjoy the fakeness, loudness, and shallowness. I doubt anyone can be taught to truly enjoy or do what they do naturally.

starkid, I feel exactly that way. Except that I for some reason don't want to totally write them off... I must, at least subconsciously, see some sort of value there as I keep going through this pattern.

I used to be just that way... and it "worked" for me. I seemed to have high esteem from others for just those traits. Somewhere down the line, I started to listen to their BS pressure--whether they knew they were giving that or not-- to make me a gregarious obnoxious one myself. Now people talk my ear off because I seem so friendly (good masks... don't want them).

Anyway, now I DON'T even have that "stoic, mysterious and different" effect. Think, the worst of both worlds. No longer rational and real, but also not quite laid back and funloving or whatever extroverts like.

starkid, I could have written exactly what you did, but don't you find the resentment crippling at times? I can't stand the "herd" either but I also don't want to deny my surroundings because I'll go crazy(er).

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MrMajor, I really hope that's not true... one of the traits I most despise in others is controlling and dominating personalities--I see it as social rape, to a small or large degree. So I donj't want to see myself wanting extroverts for me me me.... I don't think that's me but you make me wonder, if only to a small degree....



I guess this, and my other threads, are really about being content with what I'm doing in life but I get caught up in their games... I'm going to be more on my own now, I can't deny that I lose myself in relationships of most any kind. Everyone wants to fill an empty cup, in the "Right Planet" I think we'd all be society's goddamn little buddhas. Oh well here we are. I've got better things to fight than extroverts, I want out of this thinking.

Thanks for listening.

No, I don't find the resentment crippling. It's the world they've created that is crippling. It's like, if someone is bashing me over the head with a hammer, I don't see my sensitivity to pain as the problem, I see the person causing me the pain as the problem.

I find people who are extremely extraverted a bit tiring.
I really need some time to recuperate after dealing with them, especially when their behaviour is very hyper.

Which is like constantly, right?

This is why I call them psychic vampires. They suck the life out of people.