I have no control over my life

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I am 21 years, but I feel this is probably the best sub-section since I live a fully independent life in a way... but not in other ways. (I'm independent because I bought a house, and I almost semi constantly employed)

My major problem is that I waste a lot of my time, and I feel like I have no control over this in retrospect. Time=Life. I am wasting my life away. My grandma is old, but I spend an unhealthy amount of time with her since she is the only one I can relate too, but because it's so unhealthy I neglect other areas of my life that I need to focus on. There's a lot of things I need to get done! I feel like she is going to die soon, and so I have to worry about this, but I'm not living a truly adult life. This past month, I spend about 6-7 hrs with her almost daily... unless I'm at work.

And another factor, I waste a lot of time on the internet too, and it's just the same oh-same oh (youtube, forums, and crap like that).

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I know what I want in life, but I'm not heading to that direction, even though I should.

I'm stagnating.

What is a "truly adult life"? What does it look like? What does a person have to do to have a "truly adult life"?

I ask because there are so very many different ways to live and different things that a person can do while they are alive....so I don't understand what you mean.

Be independent.

Best 2 words to describe true adulthood I think.

I'm sorry, but I disagree with being too catagorical about it. That can be where guilt comes from. Not good.

I know being independant is often seen as being adult, but I think independance is a subjective concept, isn't it? We are all dependant on things in life, be it air to breath, food to eat, love, friendship, etc.

We are likely refering to financial independance, (right?) and while this is important, I don't believe that not needing help, or needing help, with anything, should be allowed to define wether someone is an adult. We all have a lack of control in our lives. So isn't it how we respond to things beyond our control, that makes us adult?

My point is, that to deny someone the dignity they deserve, if they are doing the best they can, could be a mistake. Trying - now that is being responsible, not necesarily independant. To me being adult is about being responsible for one's behaviour to the best of your ability, with integrity, irrespective of that ability.

OP: If you are trying, good on you, no-one can ask for more, even you. It sounds as though you are doing your best, but are at a stage where you are feeling the need to consider your options. Again good for you, you are concious, not thoughtless.

Can you go into that a bit? I think more detail there would help.

I understand your preoccupation with your grandmother, as well as how that can consume more time then it should. I'll try not to relate it to my life, because I tend to do that, then I start talking about me. It's really hard though. Mortality and the realization of life being finite, that the life of those we care for is finite makes us want to not waste a moment with them. And I imagine little things like washing dishes, clothes, cleaning the house, buying groceries, paying bills, making appointments, taking out the garbage can get overlooked when one is focusing on this other responsibility. Then maybe, because you spend so much time devoted to someone else, the Internet and YouTube, the same oh-same oh stuff maybe becomes a your "me time."

I don't know the particulars of what you don't get done, but maybe figure out if any of it can be done at your grandmother's, in her company? Then what's left, maybe pick a day or spread it out over a couple days, and do it. Like always do laundry on Saturday morning, or clean the house while the clothes are washing. Figure out how long it takes to do the clothes, and then you have a time frame to work in. You might feel like it is taking time away from your grandmother. Well it is, but we have to have trade offs. Does she expect you to spend so much time with her, or do you feel you should spend the time with her, or do you want to spend the time with her? I imagine it can be all three. If it really bothers you, maybe talk to your grandmother, and explain how you would much rather be spending time with her, but you need to start taking care of these other things too. The talk may be more for your peace of mind than hers. She may be super understanding about it. I don't know. Grandmother, and mothers come in all shapes, sizes, and dispositions.

I'm not going to say it is simple to put your own needs above others, because I know too well how the simplest things can get push to the back burner while focusing on what other people need from you.

I'm not sure if any of this is good or of value, or not. I tend to over simplify things, which works for me, because I try to keep my life simple. So it may be hogwash for someone else. I'm still trying to find some balance in my life. Plus there are a lot of unknown variables. Also, the other responses suggests you may have edited your post, or I'm totally missing something concerning the phrase "truly adult life." Also, I don't see the "I know what I want in life...." comment in the original text. I'm just trying to make sense of the thread as a whole.

Hogwash is a funny phrase. Not ha ha funny, just interesting. I'll have to look it up.

Take care and good luck.

+1. I've had similar issues before, and I approach thing in intervals. We only have one car road legal right now, so I really only need to cover the basics anyway. If need be, I'll set a timer on my phone just in case I get too engrossed in something. Another option is scheduling a set time during the day as "free time". This only works for me in a more regimented environment, but you might find it suits you.
You can appreciate the time with your grandmother, but don't focus so much on loss. People are living longer these days, you know. Just explain that you need to focusing on setting and achieving new goals in your life, and I'm sure she'd understand.