Other's, perhaps perceived, lack of interest in your diag

Post Reply New Topic

I don't want to hijack a thread so I am starting a new one with this:

Perhaps, but would that not incite at least some semblance of interest in the subject matter? Like a question or two.

I guess another question would be: What do dismissive reactions to your diagnosis mean? How are we to take that?

I think its because in the general stereotype of Aspergers is that of extreme talent and endearing eccentricity.

Therefore telling someone you have Aspergers is like telling someone you have a high IQ. The listener is not going to be enthusiastic or ask questions about it, because such a fact makes them feel inferior in comparison and they will feel that to show interest is to give you a free ego massage.

People in general dont realise how difficult life with ASD can be. They just see it as a declaration of "I'm special!"

That does makes some sense and sounds like it could be it. I guess the stereotype, while somewhat flattering, kind of gets in the way in the end. I, for one, have generally went to great lengths to keep it quiet (so far) - but those I have told have just kind of moved on by the end of telling them. At least it's not that they think something bad. Thank you for your response.

Any other thoughts by anyone?

My personal experiences tell me that this may well be a factor. I do suspect that the fact most people aren't sure what Asperger's means, causes them to be unsure quite how to respond, and thus they have mixed feelings, such as: indifference, disbelief, suspicion, and fear. Why such negative feelings? - people don't like to not understand; they feel vulnerable, so they err on the side of caution and choose to be somewhat sceptical or cynical in their reaction. Perhaps, to protect themselves from feeling naive, ignorant, foolish, or uninformed, gullible, etc.

It's for reasons like this that I believe it's really important for people in general to be confident enough in themselves to be able take a risk on making the presumption of good will in others.

If someone says something that I don't understand I hope that if I am candid and tell them I don't understand, that this candour will be reciprocated, without blame or defensiveness.

Often peoples egos interfere with logical, healthy thinking, this is what I find myself negotiating with NTs constantly. The frustration with these scenarios when they happen is that people miss the point - It can be extremely demanding to live with Asperger's!, it's not a claim to fame! Thus objective awareness is paramount, with no stereotypes involved.

Why is it important to you that others know that you have AS?

For me, it is totally not. In fact, I keep it rather quiet and I'd prefer no-one know.

What I am referring to is for those few close people that we have to tell that really ought to know. I just think, in general, they are surprisingly dismissive of something that is so significant to me.



I could not agree with you more Tomas73.

How did you want them to respond?

How do you feel about the way they responded?

A friend of mine came out as gay to his family, and was met largely with indifference. He felt devastated that his announcement did not provoke any greater reaction. As he put it, "It would have been better if they called me a f***** or something so I know that they're interested in what my life is all about at least."

Which is more important to you: Making an impact and shaking people up, or having them treat you as a person regardless of the fact that you have AS?

I just expected more interest in the subject matter. I guess I assumed they might be interesting in what AS is and in what ways it might effect me and those around.



Well - somewhat transparent.



The latter, being treated as a person, is clearly my goal. I can relate to your friend.

In the end - the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.

So what are you going to do about it?

What would you suggest?

Shut up and deal with it, that's all.

Thanks for your input. Anyone else have any thoughts?

There are any number of reasons why such information would not yield much of a reaction.

Person might be shocked and unable to continue the conversation.....
There's really no socially acceptable way to respond to the statement...
People might not want to offend you...
etc.....

I beg to differ my friend:

"Asperger's? What's that?" would be fine. "I see, so how do you feel about that?" would show some consideration. "No way! - me too!" could be interesting. "I've always thought you probably were on the spectrum, but to be honest you're just you, and I love you for that" would be nice. "So what?, big deal!" would be ignorant, but would still invite a discussion.

Just don't expect a celebration.

Most folks seem to be either completely ignorant of AS (they don't even know it exists), indifferent to it existance (especially if they don't have it), or what they know about AS is all wrong (they think it's a form of schizophrenia or psychopathy).

Better to keep it to yourself and deal with it on your own, than to disclose to others and have to deal with their crappy attitudes and malicious treatment.

I've been gone from here a bit & I think my personal experience could be of some use.

It was a discovery of epic proportions when I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2008. That is, it was for me. The rest of my family were so tired of (what THEY call) Diana's hystrionics, Diana's dramatics, Diana's doing "it" again (even though the dunderheads didn't even know what it was) that they acted like it was the biggest anti-climax since Twin Peaks. By then (2008) they had ALL arranged their lives with me left out. It took me maybe a year to "get it" (none of them give a rats arse for me) & I have HAPPILY cut them out of my life.

WHAT A HUGE RELIEF! Each & every single relationship I had w/my brothers & sisters was TOXIC to me (to one extant or another). Realizing THAT (& that part where they don't give the rats arse and all) was so liberating!! !

For YEARS I'd flubbed up EACH & EVERY social function in that family. I didn't MEAN to, I didn't even WANT to! Even way back when we lived in a big enough house to HOST those horrible get-togethers, I found a way to make it awkward for everyone else. (There is MUCH dysfunction besides me in that family....thus no one ever bothered to try and help me; they'd rather make me the butt of their jokes and talk garbage behind my back)

WOW I haven't thought about all that crap in a LONG TIME!

The fact is that for an adult to be diagnosed with Autism (no more AS ) puts an enormous strain on EVERY relationship that person has. If it is an (otherwise) healthy relationship--then the other person MIGHT react in a supportive manner. I wouldn't know though, the dunderheads in my family aren't loving, healthy or supportive.