avoiding email and messages

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curious if anyone else does this. i find when i get an email or message from someone i know i often see the subject and who its from then avoid opening it for weeks and just keep thinking about what it could be about. like i wonder why they were thinking about me, why did they send me a message, whats going on that they are sending me a message, how should i reply to their message, etc etc all without reading the message. then sometimes like a month later i finally open the message and force myself to reply. often its far past the point of being relevant so reply just turns into an apology for not replying sooner.

there are like 5 messages im currently doing this with and still having a hard time bringing myself to go read them WTH! anyone else do this??

Yes. Quite a lot of folks, actually. Seems like you might have AvPD - Avoidant Personality Disorder. It is believed to come from childhood or some other traumas as well as unsatisfying relationships and personal mishaps in life.

Guilty. I used to do it with texts/missed calls too. then i changed my email and my phone number. avoiding things has never been easier! (warning, people might think you're dead if you do this.) even now, if I don't know who's calling, i screen it. aka, don't answer, and if they don't leave a voicemail, they don't get a call back. if they do leave a voicemail, then i decide if it's someone i want to call back.

Is AvPD common with ASD?

Here's an earlier Wrong Planet thread on the subject: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt82114.html

thanks for the link! interesting..

It's interesting how little the info I can find regarding ASD and comorbids in adults. I suppose it doesn't matter; still, it does make you wonder why all the focus on Asperger's is on children alone.

This is what Wikipedia has to say about ASD and anxiety comorbids:
Many anxiety disorders, such as social anxiety disorder, are not commonly diagnosed in people with ASD because such symptoms are better explained by ASD itself.

They do have a laundry list of comorbids but that is the closest I could find to AvPD.

Yes.

Because there are more research grants available for such studies. Also, researchers have a much more difficult time getting reliable data once people are no longer grouped together by age (ie, enter the workforce).

thanks for the replies and link! still havent read those messages... maybe tomorrow

My ex brother in law in prison writes to me fairly frequently and if I don't open and answer the letter right away I'll take months to do it. I feel guilty for not doing it already and that makes me not want to do it and then I know I'll need to explain to him why I haven't, etc.

I'm bad about opening mail and I screen all of my calls (caller ID ftw!). Even if a friend calls, I often don't answer. I have to be in a specific mood to talk. It sets off all sorts of anxiety I don't quite understand yet.

I hate making and receiving telephone calls. Every time a telephone rings, whether it is at work, at home, at some other business or someone else's home, or my cell phone, every time I hear it ring, my first reaction is of dread. The big problem is that since I don't know who it is, I'm not likely to be ready to talk to them or in the right frame of mind.

^ Yes, me too!

I honestly fit the description of AvPD very closely, except I'm not sure about the self loathing part. What I feel is that I'm unappealing to others for some reason unknown to me - not that I feel I should be unappealing. I can't figure out why no one likes me because I feel that I'm likable. I read somewhere that people with AvPD disorder feel unwelcome everywhere they go and that's EXACTLY how I feel! I don't feel like I have the natural right to sit in the cafe, to walk around the neighborhood, to shop in the grocery store, even though my brain knows that I can do whatever I please.

This feeling has prevented me from going to a nice gym. I have a free pass and they have classes specifically for arthritis, which I need to attend. I haven't been able to push myself yet because of that feeling of being unwelcome. It's horrid.

Everyday, I look outside and envy everyone who is outside enjoying the nice weather. I want that freedom so much...

Ah, now I'm sad.

I understand that feeling. I have a gym membership through my work that's really cheap and I don't go. I went to one exercise class and felt awkward, like I'm not supposed to be there. I want to spend time with other people, but I don't feel like I belong/shouldn't be there. I've been told I should make an effort and try a bit harder to reach out to people, but I don't expect them to like me. Even people that indicate that they want to be friends. I think I've had such a weird childhood that they won't relate to me or will think I'm odd. And then there's my awkwardness of not being good at conversation which stresses me out.

Sometimes I regret starting an email or sms conversation with someone. I hit send and think, maybe I shouldn't have done that. Then I don't want to read the reply. Especially if it's from someone who is important to me. What if they didn't want to hear from me and I'm not as important to them as they are to me.

hehe yes i dread phone calls too. takes some effort and psyching up to make a call. also have to be in the right mood or state of mind to receive a call. otherwise its gahhh why is someone calling i don't feel like dealing with that right now.

kouzoku and hurtloam how does it feel unwelcome? i'm not sure that i feel unwelcome in places but i do feel out of place and uncomfortable. hmm yeah i guess it could be an unwelcome feeling. like at food place feeling oh i should take my food home instead of staying because they'd be upset with me if i am taking up a seat here while eating.

I was minding my own business at the Ho Sai Gai Chinese Restaurant in Houston years ago and reading The Economist while waiting for my order of pressed duck. I overheard someone at the next table complaining about me reading in the restaurant. That classless jerk should have minded his own business.