Acting me or real me?

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When this topic came up in another section a few days back and I mentioned that I had previously thought of bringing it up here. A poster said that is a good idea so here it is.

Before I get started this is not another one of those I found out how to convert to an NT posts. I was and will always be an Aspie. A lot of us middle age an up aspies and autists have had years and years of studying the NT ways and trying to imitate them because we were forced to and were ignorant of Aspergers/Autism. In my case there are some things like eye contact and saying "Have a Nice Day" that seem almost if not completely natural it does not seem forced or acting at times. People can change and learn new behaviors. I wonder if this is a new changed me which is good or I am the same old me who is just fooling himself which would a real mental health problem

It's the same you, just with new skills.

It's only 'acting' until you do it so many times it becomes second nature. Then it's just a habit.

When does the real me end and the fake me begins? That is the question.

^When you know that you're being fake, or when your faith alone will suffice as 'evidence'.

everyone has to act, it's part of fitting into society. Obviously ASDs find it harder but they only danger is getting to the point where you are completely believing your own BS. Now, that's bad and it's specially bad because you don't know there is a problem because to you everything is fine.

As long as you retain the faculty to question yourself on a regular basis, you are fine.

I agree, think people can learn. But doing things to fit in is going to be more work than it is for NTs. And the outcome depends on not trying too hard, both because it is exhausting, and because it gives NTs the idea that that's your goal and you really care about fitting in. And some will be fine with that, others will engage in subtle, and not so subtle, adult bullying that can destroy you.

So I think go ahead and be nice, wish people a nice day and make eye contact in ways you and others are most comfortable with because you're a nice person and it makes other people feel good. Which can be good for you, too, as well as being nice. But don't do it to fit in, gives people the idea that's your goal, which makes you vulnerable if they choose to go after you for not fitting in perfectly and makes you vulnerable because you'll start to feel your worth depends on fitting in, rather than on other things you do well.

As an Aspie, I don't see where your greatest skills will ever be at fitting in, no matter how good you get at that. And I think the better you are at fitting in, perhaps the more you can bring something of value to this world by elevating yourself and others with making fitting in the sideline. Keeping your main focus on what brings something more of value to this world.

I think questioning if one is fake can be real, can be a stage of development, can also be a reaction to looking to solve a problem and hearing in response that you have this ASD label. Not a direct response, which most of us want when we are upset. And then there is the fact that some people will latch onto small differences as important, accusing you of being fake for the actions you take to survive in this world another day.

As you allude to in your last post, maybe being given an ASD label so far into one's life creates questions. We have to believe in our own experiences. Even and especially when people around us don't, because they are real, and we are quite real, and though I can't really explain why, I do believe that a diagnosis has the potential to harm as well as to help. Because that ASD label redefines everything about us as different, as if that could possibly be the case, when in fact, like it or not, human beings are all part of the same species, all of us much more similar to one another than different.

Enjoy the uniqueness that is you, if you can. I suspect other people may question whether you are somehow fake at times, like when you get some social nuance almost exactly right, but not quite. Have to leave that in them and not internalize. Most of us, NTs and Aspies, are doing our best, not trying to create a facade. So go ahead and do your best at whatever it is that matters to you!

People change. People learn, grow and improve. It's not so much about the behaviour you exhibit, but the why and the reason that will make your words and actions honest or fake.