Are you very high-functioning?

Post Reply New Topic

New member here, but have been following for about a year

I am a 46 yo who throughout life has always been different. i am a physical therapist, which can be a challenge and am very fatigued at the end of most days from dealing with people.
My wife and friends in health care all are convinced that I have Aspergers. We have 2 children on the spectrum, one is more of an aspie. I began seeing similar traits in my children as I had in my own childhood and to this day as well. My children have helped me learn much about myself.
I too share many of your issues, and have recently realized that I spend large amounts of time in my day working behind a sort of socially acceptable facade, but also realizing that it is draining to keep it up for extended periods. If I talk to someone for an extended length of time on a social level (professional conversations are simpler) it is as if a timer starts ticking and eventually the facade times out and goes down which is apparent by the confused expression on the other persons face that tells me I may have breached some acceptable protocol.
I am very good at what I do and my patients seem to appreciate my level of knowledge within my field. I have problems nurturing friendships, but do have friends that I maintain occasional contact with. I use caffeine and alcohol as needed but will go extended periods using neither.
this may sound terrible but alcohol is the only thing that allows me to tolerate large crowded parties or social gatherings especially if noise level is high, otherwise I just cant tolerate that atmosphere and will avoid social gatherings if given a choice.

I reckon I'm pretty high-functioning, which is why I'm having problems with the idea of being diagnosed. Because I've had a semi-successful career, can socialize very well in one-on-one situations, and have a respectable I.Q. (128 or thereabouts), and a really good sense of humor, I sometimes feel ashamed that I'm trying to get a diagnosis and fit myself in next to people who are truly disabled by their autism.

From an outsider's view -- at least the people I've talked to about this -- most people I know don't see me in an "autistic" light. I think when they think "autistic" they're thinking Rain Man. Since I'm not an autistic savant, they're having a hard time buying that I'm on the spectrum. (Dr. Sheldon Cooper has made it a little more clear for some people, however. I've been compared to him quite a bit lately. And yes...I know he isn't officially an "Aspie" but I'm sure -- who DOESN'T believe that character is one of us?)

But when I look at my problems -- terrible anxiety and awkwardness in social situations and lack of understanding of how all that works, little to show in the way of dating and intimacy experiences, few IRL friends (even my web friends ignore me most of the time), severe eye contact issues, sensory and hygiene issues, LOTS of stimming behaviors, job history all over the map -- I realize that I fit as well on the spectrum as people who are outwardly more "afflicted" than I am.

I'm as high functioning as they come. I'm bored as hell with life though

I was actually quite difficult to diagnose, and was told that I was on the high end of high functioning after my doctors had to use childhood video tapes of me to confirm the AS diagnosis. I know my masking is very good from having met numerous other Aspies with whom I can compare, and I know my cognitive abilities are at the upper end, both from tests and from comparisons, but those things come with their own burden, in my case constant minimization of my difficulties from people who cannot or will not see them.

OP, your post could have been written by my son in law. He is at the top of his game, invited all over the world to lecture in his specialty, but faces the same issues as you.

So I think this high and low functioning thing is a crock, really. I didn't used to. But now I am tending to think that it is as unhelpful in terms of resolving the difficulties we face as ASD people as - for example - it would be to talk about "high and low functioning diabetics".

The terms high and low are very loaded terms, with underlying built in judgements, expectations, stereotypes,
and help feed the stigmatisation of all of us by those critters on the "other planet".

It sounds very mechanical to me too. We are not machines!

And can anyone enlighten me as to who started off this whole high/low functioning division? I think it is relevant to the topic though a bit laterally so.

I should have added similar things to my previous post in this thread. I went so far as to buy my own house with my own money, and without help from anyone, and have done all the things in this list for many years (I suck at cleaning, but nobody's perfect). However, when I went through a hellaciously stressful couple of years back in the mid-2000s, my anxiety ramped up to ridiculous levels and my ability to cope with my traits backslid. I'm now living with my mom, but it's more for financial reasons than for coping reasons.



Same thing happens with me. The people I seem to most be able to relate to are others who are/seem to be on the spectrum. I read that this is because Aspies tend to communicate in a similar way, we recognize it (maybe subconsciously) in others and so gravitate towards that familiarity.

I suppose I am high functioning. I have a great career, take care of my own home, have (mostly successfully) raised my children. I was even a long term caregiver for a family member who eventually died. Which was the most horrible stressful thing you can imagine.

On the down side my marriages/romantic relationships have all been horrid and I have now given up on them. I have a very limited number of friends and after work I am basically a hermit. I could have a social life if I really really tried, but it is so much work and I don't derive any significant pleasure from being around other people.

I totally get this. I had friends over yesterday who I've known since law school ... they unexpectedly brought their kid who is 17 and was content to go off in another room and watch Netflix and was absolutely no bother, but it made me feel awkward and tongue tied -- generally uncomfortable. So I made some drinks for us adults, and had an extra for myself. That helped a great deal.

I tend to constantly self-monitor everything I am saying in order to ensure that I'm saying the right things. For me, this is primarily what makes social interaction so exhausting -- it's like running two programs: the chat program, and the chat-monitoring program, and the more off balance I am, the more effort I put into the self-monitoring. However, getting a little tipsy dulls my thinking capabilities enough that I can't afford to maintain the self-monitoring, and as a result, I can converse more easily (though I'm also more likely to say wrong stuff, so it is a tradeoff, but one can always just blame the booze).

I've tried pot too, but I don't like it -- pot makes me get totally trapped in my head ... instead of obliterating my self-monitoring program, pot obliterates my chat-program and I go into 100% self-monitoring mode.

Anyway, this thread has been really interesting. I consider myself high functioning (lawyer, been in business for myself for 11 years now, etc. etc). I am often faced with terrible anxiety though because just about everything I do is contrary to my natural state, so while I am outwardly successful, I always feel like I'm right on the brink, ready to drop off the face of the earth and move to some quiet remote corner of Alaska or Chile -- kind of like I'm perpetually on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Welcome to my world...

Somehow, I'm able to put forth this persona of being a really bubbly, optimistic "people-person". I'm a grocery store cashier, and as long as I'm behind that counter and am dealing with only one customer at a time, I can converse, socialize and joke around to beat the band. But if people could go inside my head, they would see woman completely terrified of the world around her. I'm in a constant state of anxiety, even to the point that it invades my dreams. How I am able to hide that I don't know.

You hide it because you perform a role with a script, just like an actor on a stage in a play. But this drains off vital energy that your inner self needs in order to be your best self.

I agree, most workplaces don't cope too well with that combination. I always pretended I didn't care, but of course I did.

Sounds much like me. I doubt anybody would pick up on my Aspieness right away, even "experts" because I am friendly and generally well liked. If people knew how I REALLY felt and how I am in a constant state of anxiety and worry they flat out would be in shock.

What measurement you get depends on what kind of measure you use. High functioning is defined in ways that reflect which values any culture values the most. It's not the only measure you could use though.

how do you feel about your life though? like not how other people would rate you based on what you've done, but inside? will getting diagnosed help? then why not do it?

you might have a hard time with the work history? i'm "lucky" that i only ever had one long term job otherwise it might've been more of a process.

when i got diagnosed they did some kind of IQ test, but i don't think it was typical because i remember doing some a long time ago for school. (i was gifted ) i think i got about 130-140 on one part, but then like 70 on another. so i'm "average" overall. haha. it was the part where i had to look at pictures and pick out what was missing and i had no clue. so anyway, maybe they will test an area that your other test hadn't ? could be fun.

i'm high functioning (or was?), i guess. in the sense that everyone else was okay writing me off as a slacker. i guess a lot of people thought i was stoned. didn't really click that i was too wiped out from from dealing and would just retreat into my own head. kinda funny if i had caused problems i would've gotten help sooner.

as someone that's been rated as "disabled" and had increased quality of life for it, the only thing i feel frustrated by is older people that make the effort to get diagnosed, but don't present it as a problem, but a "difference". things can be both depending on context. doing that makes me worry that they'll be used as examples to kids looking for help. "if this person could make it and doesn't see it was a problem you shouldn't either."

seriously though, if adults such as yourself get diagnosed you potentially make it easier for kids that don't cause "trouble" in the future and who knows how many of them are out there floating around. (well, judging by this thread, lots) i feel it's a brave thing to do to ask for help, not something we should be shamed by others for doing - even though i know people often are.

One psychiatrist refused to send me to the diagnostic service as I was "not severe enough".

I'd say, principally, my problems manifest itself around the home. I can cope along a busy, inner London high street with all sorts of noise, not too fussed about change of plans...

What I can't cope with is day-to-day stuff around the home, such as irritating crockery sounds, people talking through the television, certain foods (peas, particularly) and my disruption being buggered.

I withdraw in a group.

Overall, I like to think I'm pretty 'normal'.