How to help without nagging

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I am putting this here rather than the dating forum because I need help from people with experience in the daily life of relationships.

My boyfriend lives with me. He has been staying here for the past 5 months or so, but only is recently in the process of technically moving in. I have noticed over the past month or two that he seems to be getting overwhelmed and kind of "shutting down". He had been doing temp work at a labor hall, but hasn't gone in or called in quite a while. (I have worked with them before, so I totally get what a pain it can be to get up so early and sit around for hours on the off-chance of a few hours of minimum wage work).

He says he wants to pay half the rent and utilities. He also has a phone bill and car insurance. He could afford all this with 2 8-hour days a week at minimum wage, so he wouldn't even need to work full time. He talks about looking for work, but hasn't yet. I work 3 part-time jobs (2 that are once or twice a week, and one that is about an hour each day). I also just re-enrolled in school.

Anyway, what I am having trouble with is that I am not the "nagging" type, and I'm kind of in a catch-22... I know it is his responsibility to deal with his things, but we are also living together and I need financial help from him. We only have one car (his), so our options are often limited, although there is a bus system here as well. I am trying to find an arrangement that works for both of us, but I can only take care of my end.

I want to know if there is a constructive way I can encourage him without it ending up like nagging.

Show him this. And tell him you're sorry but you can't support him and you need for him to contribute reliably or find his own space. Set a deadline and tell him you'll offer help if he asks for it but otherwise will not.

Communication is vital to a healthy relationship. Find out why he is hiding away. Is he an Aspie? Is that why you have posted on here?

If so, nagging him will push him away. You need patience and kindness. Once he has opened up you can constructively organise your arrangements and finances in a compromising way.

Communication is the most important thing. You should be able to express your feelings without doing lots of repackaging of them for his benefit.

So what are your feelings about this? You wonder what's going on that he doesn't seem to be trying? Is he depressed? Is something else going on?

Tell him what's going on in your mind and invite him to explain. If he doesn't care to hear about your feelings or explain what's going on with him, then you have a more serious problem. If he has just been enjoying living off your three part time jobs, then he needs a bit of nagging.

If he doesn't respond to a little bit of justified nagging and won't explain what's going on. You need a new boyfriend.

I will talk to him and let you guys know how it goes. Thank you for the advice. I don't mind being the "breadwinner" so to speak, but I do want him to be self-sufficient. I don't want either of us to feel like we are in this relationship for the wrong reasons. When we first got together he was working and I wasn't. I am hoping that he can find something part-time just to help out, but also because I think it will help him feel useful. He seems to be kind of stuck in this cycle and he's saying a lot that he wants to start doing more, but isn't motivated to do it. This happens to me too, and getting a job helped me a lot. I am hoping it can do the same for him.

Okay, so he is having a hard time coping with things and getting stuck in feeling useless. I know that feeling, I have been there. I want to be able to help and I do what I can but I think the more I help the less motivated he gets. I don't think he is intentionally taking advantage, but I do think part of the reason he lacks motivation is because everything is taken care of. On every other level, our relationship is going great, so I'm not going to end it over this, I'm just wondering if maybe it is time to pull back a little, but I can't just let bills go unpaid to make a point, you know? Any advice?