How to Enjoy Meeting New People?

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I've met someone who shares an interest that is very important to me. We've only met in person once so far. I have agreed to meet again, but socializing like this is difficult for me. I just don't enjoy it very much, so I have to force myself to do it. This person is not a romantic interest and we won't even necessarily be friends. I'm just sort of going with the flow with no plans.

I'm not really anxious and this person already knows that I'm kind of weird. The problem is that I'm just not very interested. I know that forcing myself through the uninterested part is the only way that I can ever get to being interested or possibly friends, and it would be good for me to have some semblance of a social network. I thought that having someone to talk to about my interest would make the experience pleasant for me, but I was wrong. Our first meeting was kind of bland. I prefer e-mail communication; I can express myself better and talking is tiring.

So what can I do to help myself have a good time?

When you say you aren't interested, is that in associating with the person, or the doing the interest that you see as important.

I know that may sound like a contradiction and a question that may not make sense, but I've experienced that myself. I hold my arts & crafts as key to my self identity. But I don't do arts & craft all the time, or even the same arts & crafts. Sometimes I just don't have an interest in the moment. That's why I ask for clarification. Sorry if that didn't make any sense.

I meant that I'm not that interested in meeting up with this person. The interest is very important to me, but it's not something that requires another person.

The options I see are(There may be others):

1) Go anyway and find out what the other person does with your interest.
a. If the person more experienced, he may have knowledge or experience you don't have you could learn from
i. You could end up becoming friendly or at least keep in contact as far as the interest is concerned
ii. You could end up becoming best friends. I know that's hard with being autistic, but it can happen.
iii. Nothing comes of it afterwards and you go on with your life.
b. even if not more experienced, the person may have access or knowledge of resources you do not
i. You could end up becoming friendly or at least keep in contact as far as the interest is concerned
ii. You could end up becoming best friends. I know that's hard with being autistic, but it can happen.
iii. Nothing comes of it afterwards and you go on with your life.
c. It's a wash and you don't have to repeat.
d. It might be beneficial in a way unrelated to the interest even if a, b, and c do not apply
i. You could end up becoming friendly or at least keep in contact as far as the interest is concerned
ii. You could end up becoming best friends. I know that's hard with being autistic, but it can happen.
iii. Nothing comes of it afterwards and you go on with your life.

2) Don't go.

I'd recommend going, regardless if the activity doesn't require two people. More potential exists for a valuable outcome. Of course I'm limited in my knowledge of social things so I don't know for sure.

What happened in the end? Did you go?

I relate to that not wanting to go and meet someone. It stresses me out. Email communication is so much easier. I love email.

I have forced myself to get to know a few people in my life. Some I didn't keep it up with, but 2 or 3 are people who I became comfortable with over time and I consider to be friends now.

So if you haven't already done so I would encourage you to find out if you get along. What have you got to lose? If you don't get along you can just go back to your life. If you do get along then you've made a new friend.

I had already agreed to meet again before I started this thread; I was simply looking for some tips on how to enjoy myself.

However, I never heard back from this person, possibly due to the inconvenience of e-mail communication (I don't have a phone right now). I don't know what to do about this except to text her when I get my new phone.

What makes this so difficult for me is that I have almost zero interest in friends, and I do not expect us to become anything more than acquaintances even if the meeting goes well. I have very little social motivation, but I'm fighting against that...because I know that this could turn out to be nice? Something might come of it? It might be useful to have someone who would notice if I disappeared from the face of the Earth? I have no concrete goals.

As for what bad could come of it ? exhaustion and a migraine, depending on what we do. That may be another reason for the lack of a response ? in my e-mail I stipulated that we couldn't be out in the sun for long. I left the day and time up to her, but maybe it was still too restrictive. Who knows. I'm not really worrying about the reason.

There's also possible problems with me being unable to fake interest or come up with anything to say, due to the fact that I don't even care enough. That last sentence sounds terrible and makes me feel like what I'm doing is dishonest, like I'm pretending to care. I just don't know how else to have more social contact besides forcing myself to go out, but I can't force the conversation or interest.

I'll be honest, that doesn't sound terrible at all. Small talk is something to be endured it seems. It's the building the first layers of a friendship until you get comfortable with someone else and can start to get into easy, unforced conversation with them.

I was invited to a party last weekend and I really didn't feel like going. I know that most people would be really excited and enthusiastic about meeting new people, but I just could not be bothered. I did have to force myself to go. It was a real effort for me. But something nice happened. This woman I knew when I was a teenager was there. We haven't seen each other in years and we got talking and are now back in touch with each other. So sometimes good things do come from forcing ourselves socially.

I think we just need to accept that we are different and socializing will never be a big whoo hoo thing for us. It will be an effort, but sometimes the best things require the most amount of effort. Ok, so regular folk would find it weird that we call socializing an effort or something that we need to push ourselves to do, but so what? Your massive effort to actually go and meet her for a drink is probably more effort than someone who loves social things would ever make for her and your one drink with her is that much more special because of the amount of effort it took for you to get there. That goes for any friendship you may embark upon even if this one doesn't really come to anything. Hope than makes sense and doesn't sound insanly waffly.

The thing is, though, I didn't have to deal with any small talk. When we met in person, we started in on our shared interest right away, just like in our e-mails. I found out that lack of small talk wasn't enough to make socializing enjoyable. This was the opposite of what I'd expected, and I didn't know what to do. This was the main prompt for creating this thread; I had no idea what to try once focused conversation had failed (or seemed to have failed).


It does make sense, and it is a thought-provoking idea.