How to get slob fiance to clean up after himself?

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Anyone have suggestions for getting hubby to clean up after himself? He claims that he should not have to do the housework because he works 10 hours a day (and completely discounts when I am in school-- essentially saying that it is not real work).. so he never cleans up after himself or the kids-- unless I nag him to. I am becoming quite resentful because even when I ask him to clean up or he says he will, the dishes (or whatever) sit on the table for days or until I finally give in and clean it up. My only thought is to start having the dishes cleaned (by hand) every single night with one of us cleaning the dishes and the other putting them away. That way, he can't say "Oh I will do it later" because we will be doing them, right then. I know it probably sounds like it is not a big deal, but I am becoming quite resentful of a) the insinuation that because I am at school, I am not working as much as him and should have to clean up the entire house and his kids by myself and b) having to constantly clean up after him. I am so sick and tired of the fact that he cannot even put his cereal bowl in the dishwasher (which is inches away from the table) and just leaves it for me to take care of. Obviously I cannot be all passive-aggressive about it (and leave the dishes sitting around for days for him to take care of) because again, he will not wash them. They will literally sit there until we have no clean dishes at all. I have tried asking him to at least put them in the dishwasher and he does not even do that until I have asked for days. I am so tired of feeling like the maid of the house and I am finding it ridiculous that I basically have to train him (like a child) to clean up after himself... any suggestions?

Good luck-- you probably have the best idea with saying that you'll have to do it together, one of you washing and the other putting away (one of you folding and the other one putting away) (one of you cleaning the toilet and the other one cleaning the shower).

If I knew how to accomplish that, I wouldn't go through the house picking up my husband's socks from beside the bed, underwear from beside the toilet, shirt hanging on the coat closet doorknob, pants laying over the back of a chair, belt in the toybox. Washing dishes in the morning wouldn't first entail picking up his two glasses from the evening/night before. I wouldn't have to find his shoes in the morning, and one of my weekend chores wouldn't be to clean the fast-food bags out of his car.

As far as I can tell, men only pick up after themselves if they have lived alone for 10+ years after moving out of their mothers' house.

The most realistic advice I can give, I am really not crazy about. Do it yourself, do it every day (maybe a couple of times a day) so it doesn't get too big, and try to find some personal Zen with it all. I've broken a couple of crowns gritting my teeth and finally decided it's just part of my chose role (he's a professional, I'm a SAHM; his job is terrible and mine is unremitting).

I'm already writing the apology I'll issue my daughter-in-law some day.

Nagging someone doesnt change them, it just makes them sick of you.

Why don't you pull up some kind of chart and work out how many hours of work you each do and then work things out logically?

Or is this a feminist issue, i.e more about making a point.

It is not at all a 'feminist' issue: I mean, the regular housework usually is not a prob--its the fact that everyone leaves their crap laying around unless i tell them to clean it up. I am just sooooooo sick and tired of having to pick up everyone's mess---- why do I constantly have to tell them to clean up after themselves and how long will it take them to actually do it without me asking? For example, right now there is a cup with choc milk from last night sitting on the table. Know why? Because I was not in the room when stepson got ready and left to go to his mom's... So of course he was not told to do something with that cup. Wanna know how long it will sit there? Til I put it in the dishwasher or remind SO enough times that he will finally do something with it. Ughh so tired of it. If it was just every once in awhile, it'd be fine. It is constant until the house smells like rotting food and then he gets off his ass.

Here's what I did: After asking and asking and pleading and begging and reminding and nagging, I finally just put all his strewn-about s**t in a box and put it in the garage. He was furious, but it got the point across. The box, of course, stayed exactly where I left it, with all the stuff in it. More of his stuff migrated that way, now and then. I also told him that if he didn't want to do his share of the cleaning, that was cool, but he'd have to hire it done out of his own pocket money or savings. (We had a household account and each had our own pocket money out of it.) For a while he did that. Then we had a different system, where each Sunday one of us would leave the house with the kid for 3-4 hours and the other would clean the joint top to bottom. This made him very pissy, too. Eventually he admitted he felt such work was beneath him. (shrug) We're divorced now -- it wasn't my choice, but I can't say I'm sorry -- and it's tons and tons easier cleaning up just after myself and the kid, who's teachable when it comes to cleaning. I have a feeling it's about to get much easier pretty fast, too, because she wants to earn money, and is looking for extra chores to do.

It's cute when Aspies deviate from their philosophical/intellectual concerns and complain about housework!

I clean up after myself--but my wife is the one that cleans the house "from top to bottom." She's fussy about that--she wants it done HER WAY.

She's a real connoisseur of cleaning products; she loves watching those infomercial ads on the TV. She's a big fan of Amos' Shock and Clean or whatever that's called.

I just don't believe in being a member of a fan club for cleaning products.

Sometimes, I do have to clean up after HER. She's one to leave messes, especially if she is searching for something.

I just don't have the knack for complex cleaning tasks. I could clean simple to moderate messes, though.

If I were you, I would not nag the guy. I would just gently remind him to please clean up after himself.

When I get nagged, I go into immediate shutdown mode.

As far as I'm concerned, time spent helping me with the housework constitutes foreplay.

With my wife and I, the "differing standards" of what constitutes "clean" is a prime cause for conflict.

OP here. It is not that I have high expectations of what clean means. As long as it is not sitting on the counter taking up space, that is good enough for me. I talked to him about it last night and he claims to be so exhausted after work that he cannot possibly be expected to even help with the dishes. He would not even help by drying/ putting them away after I washed them. The farthest I got was him saying that he would clean up after himself but I would still do 99% of housework that excluded picking up after himself. We'll see how long this lasts. Even when I asked about hiring a maid or something he said "Are you going to get another job to pay for it?" It just pisses me off that he makes the house so disgusting and has no interest in cleaning it or picking up after himself. I have a year and a half before we get married. I guess I have that time to think about whether or not this is worth it.

I don't have a right to force him to be neat and clean but I do have a right to not have to walk into a house that smells like rotting food because he leaves food bowls laying around everywhere and I also have a right to not be treated like a maid.