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Do you find it difficult to compromise with people?
Yes 88%  88%  [ 15 ]
No 12%  12%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 17

kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2015, 9:57 am

I am finding it harder and harder to compromise with my wife. She is a social being. I am not. Things are coming to a head. I wish she would just understand my eccentricities. But she comes from a social culture.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2015, 12:48 pm

LOL... I think my poll will lose the battle for Natural Selection.

I guess I'll have to allow it to be relegated to the "Old Posts Home."



animalcrackers
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03 Jan 2015, 1:41 pm

I don't know because I don't know what kind of compromises you mean.


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ASPartOfMe
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03 Jan 2015, 2:01 pm

It is difficult for me to compromise because I am uncertain when I am being stubborn, engaging in a fair compromise, or being taken advantage of. Being overly stubborn occurs when I overcompensate out of worry that I am being taken advantage of.

If I like you I want to engage in fair compromise with you.

On Wrong Planet when I post I am usually mindful of the high suicide ideation rate and try and modify what I write accordingly. While I understand if a person commits suicide I am the least of the reasons for why it happened, I don't want what I write to be the trigger. So I guess that is why some have suggested I am a politically correct wimp. Maybe they are right.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2015, 3:37 pm

I don't see you has that at all, ASPartofMe.

I see you as well-read about autism, and sensitive to people who are really quite sensitive.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2015, 3:40 pm

When I said "compromise," I meant somewhat petty things, like:

1. My wife wants to go shopping; I don't want to go. She insists that I accompany her, because she gets "lonely."

2. We're invited to a party with people I don't know. She expects us to come as a couple. I figure: why can't she go alone, amongst her friends?

3. I want to watch TV while she has guests over. She insists I sit down with them. Sometimes, it's all right; other times, I really just want to watch TV. They're her friends, anyway.



ASPartOfMe
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03 Jan 2015, 4:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't see you has that at all, ASPartofMe.

I see you as well-read about autism, and sensitive to people who are really quite sensitive.


I would say my diagnosis and awareness helped a lot especially the stubborn part because it made realize that "overcompensating" for social naive was the real reason I was doing that not because I was unnniave realist as I had previously believed.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2015, 4:51 pm

I used to try to be cool by trying to get attention...which was overcompensating, in a way. I did foolish things like wearing football shoulder pads to school one day, and trying to look like a pimp another day.



justkillingtime
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03 Jan 2015, 9:23 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
When I said "compromise," I meant somewhat petty things, like:

1. My wife wants to go shopping; I don't want to go. She insists that I accompany her, because she gets "lonely."

2. We're invited to a party with people I don't know. She expects us to come as a couple. I figure: why can't she go alone, amongst her friends?

3. I want to watch TV while she has guests over. She insists I sit down with them. Sometimes, it's all right; other times, I really just want to watch TV. They're her friends, anyway.


1. I would not do except shop for things we both use.

2. I would do because it is probably mostly couples.

3. I would not do that at all.

Couples therapy might straighten this out before it becomes a bigger problem. Good luck, kraftiekortie.


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slenkar
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03 Jan 2015, 9:40 pm

It all depends how often you are called on to do these things.



Humanaut
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04 Jan 2015, 9:18 am

It's hard, often impossible.



Waterfalls
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04 Jan 2015, 3:03 pm

It's much easier to compromise with someone who is compromising with us. Are there things you could suggest that would help your wife compromise too beyond just asking her to accept you saying no? I'm thinking (and maybe this is silly) you go together to a shopping center or mall and she shops, you sit in a cafe or book store, you go home together at the end. Or you're uncomfortable socializing, if you liked cooking, having a few people over but you staying in the kitchen and if people choose to come be with you, having a ready distraction. And she does the inviting if there's no one you want to invite. Not saying you should do more, I'm thinking compromise on her part in a way that is beyond her suffering because she can't get enough of what she wants to where she is acknowledging and accepting and working with what you want.

I often wish my husband would do more with me, it confuses me having to choose between alone with him at home and being around others alone because he won't enjoy. I want to be able to be with him, be with others, and have him be happy, maybe she is just saying she wants to be with you. Maybe her having ways to compromise would make a difference. But this might just be what I wish for, maybe not everyone, maybe not practical.



kraftiekortie
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04 Jan 2015, 5:09 pm

I happen to think you offer excellent advice, Waterfall (and JustKillingTime and Slenkar).

I do, sometimes, just stay in the kitchen while people socialize. I offer to do the dishes. Sometimes, she doesn't mind--but other times, she says "relax. We could do the dishes later." I'm not an asocial or an antisocial person--I understand why people like to socialize. However, there are times when I don't feel pleasure in socializing, yet feel pleasure in reading or watching TV alone.

She is beginning to realize that I don't like shopping. Sometimes, if she has somebody to go with, she might say "you'll be boring anyway--just stay home" in a semi-joking sort of manner.

She's a good person--but she likes to "wear the pants," so to speak. She likes to be in control of things. This often causes conflict.



Echolalia
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04 Jan 2015, 5:20 pm

I don't compromise, that is why I am single. :D


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 161 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse.


Echolalia
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04 Jan 2015, 5:20 pm

I don't compromise, that is why I am single. :D


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Aspergers - Because God wanted me to do something at work other than update my Facebook.


Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 161 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse.