Aspie Husband's relationship with son

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My husband and his son (aged 11) have always had a very volatile relationship. My step-son seems to always be winding him up and my husband has limited tolerance for this which can result in my husband hitting out. My step-son is currently having difficulties and being bullied at school has resulted in him being out of school for 6 weeks and he has said he wants to die. This is making him more argumentative and angry than usual.

My husband was diagnosed with Aspergers a few years ago and I've tried to explain to his son how it makes him react but he either doesn't understand, doesn't believe me, or doesn't care. This response could be because my step-son has Aspergers traits as well and so can't relate to his dad.

My husband's ex doesn't communicate with him much or talk to me at all so we can't go to her for help and she refuses to believe that my step son has Aspergers traits. He has sensory issues, get angry easily sometimes for apparently very small things, it can be hard to get his attention when he is involved in things (leading us to think he had hearing problems when he was younger), he can behave in socially inappropriate ways and many other things too. She also thinks that because my husband is the grown up that he should be able to fully control his behaviour and doesn't understand how hard that is.

I am finding it too difficult being in the middle all the time and I want some help with the situation. I am wondering if family counselling could help my husband and step son understand each other better and have a closer relationship. Has anyone tried this?

First, I am sorry that you are going through this. It sounds very rough.
Second, I have not been to family counseling for this particular issue, but I have been to family counseling and it can be great. Also, individual counseling for you might help you deal with the pain and stress of the situation as well as give you some ways to improve that situation that don't depend on the realizations or actions of husband or step son.

Good luck! I hope things get better.

What exactly does the phrase "hit out at" mean? I'm confused.

Sorry but it's not the child's responsibility to "understand" why their parents act the way they do. Either the parents are acting appropriately or they aren't.