Weighing whether to stay or leave WP

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I came to WP in January 2013 (I think) with a profound sense of relief - it was wonderful finding a place primarily about ASDs by people who live the realities of being on the spectrum. The whole forum at first seemed like a haven. It no longer feels like that to me.

This growing sense of disillusionment has been exacerbated by the technical glitches which are now daily events for prolonged periods of use. However, if the issues were only the tech stuff, I could live with that, annoying though it constantly is.

There are particular posters whose contributions kept me here when the disillusionment began to set in during my second year. I enjoyed reading what they had to say, and I still do; so they have been my main reason for staying in the past few months. I am grateful for their combinations of experience, insight, knowledge and (most of all) compassionate respect for others on the spectrum. You possibly know who you are; thank you.

I am disillusioned by the posters who write as if everyone on the spectrum has to conform to stereotypes like cookies in a cookie factory. This can take many different forms, but the one I find the most alienating implies "unless you are a loser, then you are not really on the spectrum". Any kind of success is derided as impossible; the cookie cutter loser stereotype - "We might as well all euthanaze ourselves" perspective, a virus of defeatism.

Yes, I understand that some people suffer at times from despair and disillusionment which may lead them to assert such misleading things. From time to time I suffer from despair and disillusionment too - especially when I read posts like that. Equally concerning to me is the bullying that flies under the radar - the "indirect or direct personal attack rules will not be tolerated" rule is very poorly applied (usually not applied). I understand moderators are busy people providing a service out of their own time and good will; they can't be all over the forums all of the time.

The extreme bigotry of the PP forum, the jihad by some on the self-diagnosed, the seemingly widespread indifference to the concerns of older people on the spectrum, the extreme black and white thinking from some, these are all turn offs, along with the tech glitches, the cookie cutter nihilists, and the Autism Speak-ers who regard people on the spectrum as diseases and "the diseased". This causes me dis-ease.

On the "stay" side is respect for Alex's overall achievements in creating and sustaining this forum (a vision which I still greatly admire) and the posters whom I regard highly for their compassion and respect for others. Possibly membership here is a time limited thing anyway, and my time has perhaps just run its course.

I think you serve a useful purpose here.

The site is a microcosm of the world; do you want to leave the world?

No, never - I am a nature lover, the natural world is beautiful. I am very fortunate to live where I can enjoy it in abundance, surrounded by wonderful trees, near a beautiful harbour, I love the life in my world.

Perhaps it mostly comes down in the end to a TOM issue: the problem of some posters, (relatively small minority) who post from a basis of ill will toward others. This sub-group seem to lack the insight to see/relate to the destructive impacts of their hostility on a forum membership as a whole; some do appear to realize, but these appear to belong to an even smaller group, who consciously seek to undermine others for their own destructive purposes - perhaps motivated by a warped need for narcissistic supply, where doing harm to others affirms their warped sense of superiority.

I guess those subgroups are unavoidable on any kind of social media now; they are just a fact of life - so are warts, and I can certainly live without those!

I hope you don't leave. Your presence makes WP a better place.

If you do decide to leave, all I can say (aside from "I hope your leave is temporary") is that I understand and wish you well.

I have learned that Wrong Planet is a better place for a planetian when the planetian takes brief vacations from it. A week is a long time on Wrong Planet and things like topical opinions change rapidly. Taking off a week or two before diving back in seems to me to make a world of difference. It improves my perspective about what Wrong Planet offers (and what it doesn't offer).

So, I would suggest some time away from Wrong Planet. Study that special interest you have had for a while. Explore. Pamper. Relax. Learn something new. Watch comedies and musicals. Don't worry, we will all still be here when you return. And, we will be interested in what you did during your time away.

But, don't leave altogether. Too many people appreciate and count on your balanced approach to our little corner of the world.

Oh my.....selfishly, I really hope you choose to stay, I love your compassionate and insightful posts.

Sometimes I've been quite upset by what's written here, not everyone is open to other points of view....some members, at times, see the world, or just me, very negatively. I am extremely thin skinned, though, and find it hard to cope with some of that, rather than being offended. Maybe it's the same thing, though, I'm not sure.

The thing is, this really is a unique place, a place I can get away with being intense without widespread ostracizing of me resulting, and a place where when I can't find words, or put together coherence, or misunderstand what is said, people many times help. Not always, but some. If the technical glitches are kept under control, there's just more traffic here, and that is valuable.

I have cut back though. But when something really gets to me and I've no one to reach out to IRL, and I am lonely IRL, it is a blessing to have someone somewhere who doesn't mock my intensity and with whom I don't have to be constantly measuring and thinking about what I do to try to look acceptable. WP is certainly imperfect, but nonetheless.....I don't know how to describe it!

I hope you can stay, or take a holiday from here for a few days, a week or two....and be back.

But, if you can't, I understand. It's just, I miss some of the wonderful people who were here, and left. Grateful to have known them, but also, the loss is sad.

I'd really miss you. As soon as I'm green lighted I'll be doing all I can to fix us up in the security & uptime regards.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Do me a favor and start a PM thread with Booyakasha, envirozentinel and Alex. As a techie I feel I shouldn't be the one applying pressure, the preconception is that I perform the diametric opposite function.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I can understand how you feel B19, and why you feel this way.

I view WP as an ecosystem, there has to be room for everyone, even the folks that are irritating. Tolerance of difference.

My concern is that decent members like yourself have left because of the issues you refer to, but the bigots have remained. New members are greeted by people who care enough about WP to welcome them, and then they meet the imbalance that remains. The negativity has a strong voice, between negative members and the trolls who appear just in time to ride on the coat tails of others valid opinions, it seems like new membership is being sabotaged by those who believe that being right gives them a carte blanch to disregard the impact of their words and actions. They create a state of censorship for anyone remotely sensitive or requiring a safe place to speak, censorship is the opposite of what is attractive about WP.

I think in images, to me its like the community is being choked by ivy, slow growing, difficult to notice the progress, but once established will strangle the life out of its host. As a gardener my approach toward established ivy would be a hacksaw to its base, drill a hole in the center to contain the poison, and cover with some tin foil to kill the roots. But that is a jihad approach.

The remaining decent members is why I stay, they extend active tolerance and acceptance (Etcetera, etcetera and so forth ); those are things that were missing from my life, I don't know if i ever experienced them at this level before I joined here. I just thought that was my lot in life. This virtual environment is as close to acceptance as Ive ever had, but now that Ive experienced it, I guess I'm hooked.

I cant stay in a negative environment though, I changed too many significant things in my life to get away from toxicity to remain even in a virtual one. I do understand why you feel this way, but you are actively posting about the topics that matter and which exposes you to additional negativity, I remain quiet in the safe places to avoid exposure to indirect attacks.

There is a part of me which wonders if the trolls are agents of sabotage. Its not an unheard of tactic within a business environment. But perhaps I am meandering now.

I would not want you to leave, you make posts that count and have a tangible positive impact. I would not want to see you being impacted negatively by the bigots though, that would make me most unhappy. I would miss your posts here, but I would be certain that you would make your points elsewhere, and continue the expression of those valid points regardless of WP.

I hope that things can change, retaining the positive membership is essential for this to happen. I think that everyone should be extended tolerance, even those who enjoy trolling and creating dis-ease for entertainment purposes, or those who like to watch what happens when a person does xyz. Yeah, they are messing with actual real peoples lives, perhaps some day there will be a consequence, that doesn't involve the loss of the contributory type membership.

I've sometimes taken a break from the website in order to get other things done because my mind gets saturated really easily so in order to focus on other things, sometimes I need to.

I think taking a break from it would be my suggestion.

You can always come back later at the end of the year.

I don't think I could ever live without the website permanently. I need to see posts by people I can relate to.

B19, the rich tapestry that is WP would be diminished of a significant thread of hope and good cheer if you left, I just had to say that. I would miss you.

B19, you are one of the best members here, by which I mean you contribute massively to this place being largely good instead of all-bad. Your presence plays a huge part in keeping a balance. You're one of the most thinking, thoughtful, intelligent, conscious, ethical, informed and informative members posting here, and that would be a terrible loss if you went.

At the same time, I totally get that you can't just sacrifice your own well being in order to keep this place saner. Maybe as suggested, you could take breaks? I'm just being selfish here, but, just to say, it's always good to see your posts as whenever you post I know I'm about to see something reasonable, caring and smart instead of trollish.

The culture on this site is very poor, it always has been and it will always continue to be.

The technical glitches are annoying, the self-hating aspies, the hopelessly single males blaming women, it goes on and on. I have learned that autism is a lot more serious of a disability than I was let on to believe it was growing up. The majority of people who come here are coming with very serious questions and concerns about who they are and what autism is. I cannot expect everyone to come here with a great mental state and contribute to the forum in a positive manner. I personally do my best to help those when I can, even if I've said it a million times over in other posts.

However, you can simply ignore the toxic material and stay for the members and posts you can relate to and offer something to. There is good, and the bad can be ignored. The autism community doesn't have to be a toxic place, and for the most part there's a good group of regulars all trying to make it a better place for everyone. It's your call, but I urge you to stay for the positive.