Is it worth getting a diagnosis

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This is my first post on here, so please be gentle with me.

A little bit about my background.

I work in the UK as an accountant, I am very good with numbers, always have been and with spreadsheets. However my social skills have never come close to those of my technical skills.

I have struggled in work with stress and anxiety, and work offered CBT training, who suggested I might have Aspergers. Being narrow minded i dismissed this completely.

Due to my depression and anger feelings getting worse, I have started taking Setraline for Depression in the past month, work arranged for me to see a psychologist to see how they could help me, and I met with the nurse for a few hours, and had a chat about my work and personal life and performed a number of tests.

Last week I saw the report and there a number of findings, that there are indications of both Schizoid/Avoidant Personality pattern, together with Dysthmia, Major Depression and Anxiety.

I was also tested for Aspergers, and scored 42 out of 50 on the AQ, scored 19 in the mind in the Eyes test. I also scored 12 on the EQ. All of which would clearly suggest Aspergers/HFA.

Upon receiving this news, I have done a lot of research on Aspergers, and there are a number of traits which I identity with. In the past week, I have also done a number of Aspergers tests including the Aspie tests.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 121 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 91 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits



At 41, this has come as a body blow for me, (I am probably still in denial) and also explains a few things, I always have been different in so many ways, especially my pun based sense of humour.

The report only strongly indicates autistic caseness as opposed to a full diagnosis. Would it be worth getting a full diagnosis, and how do I go about telling colleagues and family, who I don't think have any idea about this, even though they are concerned about my obvious depression and the rut I have been in for years.

Hopefully some of you will be able to offer advice, and even writing this is an aid, as I find typing so much easier than getting words out, which in itself is a frustration.

A professional diagnosis may give validity to what you are thinking and ease your denial. It is very important to find a clinician who specializes in how Aspergers presents in adults. A professional diagnosis might show your employer you are serious about helping yourself and would mean they would have to comply with anti disability discrimination laws

As I understand it in the UK you have 2 main options. Through the NIH which is free but a very bureaucratic and lengthy process or go private which is expensive but faster and I believe better quality.

People get widely varying reactions when they disclose ranging from support, to "we knew it all along", to "you are too normal to be autistic" to "you are using a label as an excuse for your character flaws". Sometimes a professional diagnosis will convince skeptics many times it won't. If you do disclose prior to a professional diagnosis my advice is to use "I suspect" type language.

Good luck, welcome to Wrong Planet where whether professionally diagnosed or not you can get advice on how to deal with your autistic traits.

Everything AsPartOfMe says here is correct.
I wanted a diagnosis (UK NHS) simply to help me `frame` my issues and help me on my journey. (I don`t really require much help althoguh CBT may be an avenue I may explore just to learn a few more coping skills)

To be honest I was less afraid of a positive diagnosis and more kind of welcoming of it; as some kind of explanation of the communication difficulties I have always had, and that I am not just nuts or a `flawed character`.
I know I`m a good guy, a caring person but it confuses me that I don`t come across in that way to some people.

So I took all the online tests which all put me firmly in the Aspergers range every time (although I get along mostly in everyday life superficially quite well, job, family, good sense of humour, can do eye contact etc).

I decided to try for a diagnosis on the NHS, waited a year, had a half hour "triage" chat with a `supposed` expert professor (who looked exhausted and quite aspie himself, incidentally) (they take every 4 people 1 is a yes 1 is a no and 2 are not certains..... this is a rather brutal and casual method of assessment and is not very caring or detailed and personally I question its accuracy)
This system is probably due to NHS lack of funding and I fear that only the more severe cases will be given the opportunity for a diagnostic test.

The consensus is that in the NHS unless your traits are really severe or obvious (on that day!) or you need support, you may well not get a positive diagnosis. So don`t expect too much if you are mild ASD and superficially coping.

I have been involved in other very informative discussion threads here on WP (check em out) here about are the tests & diagnosticians reliability? This is in my opinion the best place to become well informed and the insight and expertise of the contributors here is second to none. (often disagreeing... but thats fine surely?).. I think the `experts` would be wise to listen to all the discussions going on here.

What about reliability of late Adult diagnosis ?
A very contentious area due to the fact that we build loads of "scaffolding" or masking behaviours over the years to disguise our worst symptoms to enable us to `fit in` better.
My personal opinion is these cannot always be reliably/accurately picked up with milder Aspergers by the diagnostic tests or interviews ESPECIALLY quick triage chats as above. Remember that this is still a very young area of study and there is still a lot of guesswork and hunches for especially milder adult Aspergers (especially if you have no developmental info from family or parents).

So if you are externally coping reasonably well you may not be accurately be assessed as it apparently needs you to be exhibiting certain difficulties in everyday life that you need help with (rather than like me you are struggling along and superficially coping).
I agree that more detailed diagnosis where you are observed over time is a much better way to do this and going private may be a better route ... although it costs ... big time!
I can`t afford it so remain officially undiagnosed..... or more accurately self diagnosed.

Last year, due to a couple of complaints at work about my speaking negatively to others, (Matter of factly in my opinion!)
I disclosed to my lead manager that I struggle with a lot of Aspergers traits. (I did not use the word diagnosis) She was very sympathetic and is obviously trying to help me develop my skills in the workplace ... which is partly a bit embarrassing (acknowledging my weaknesses) but in reality could turn out to be quite helpful ... I am going to try to spin it to my advantage.

Re. telling my colleagues; I chose to tell 2 other senior staff but no one else, partly to get a bit of support if anything else goes wrong and so that they take my problems into account and may be more sympathetic.

Sometimes recently with colleagues when they have got frustrated with me or visa versa I have said something like:

"well hey this is just the way my mind works, a bit different to yours... perhaps I am a bit blunter with my opinions... but I always try my best and I am superb at spotting details that others miss"
kind of like saying "hey this is just the way I am" get over it.
Then smile!........ (I know!! !.................... just force it!)

so I would say you have to judge carefully who to disclose too. Is your manager trustworthy and sympathetic?

NB. this may or may not be put on the record but that is not necessarily a bad thing if the S**t ever hits the fan as really they are bound by law to support you. (this is potentially where an official diagnosis might help though)

Do you have any allies who you have a closer bond or repartee with? you know nice people that you like?
Maybe start there, just like using a gentle casual conversation starter, at a quiet comfortable time.

"you know I really admire those people who can communicate so easily and make relationships and get along... I`ve always found this difficult..." its an opener... see where it leads.

Its really confusing, and I too am only just getting my head around this: would a diagnosis help at all or be accurate enough to capture my problems?
What about all the other connected stuff too? (these are called co-morbidities apparently and there are loads of overlaps with ASD and other conditions as you outline)....
Well, don`t worry, these are really common

For me = Depression, Anxiety, OCD, symptoms ADHD, I suspect PTSD, social anxiety, anger management issues and probably others... so they look worse in print than they really are.

Along with my serious overthinking, I cant stand small talk, shy with new people, I have a serious relaxed demeanour (a a grumpy b***h face... soz!), I dont know how to sugar the pill and come across as stern and critical, I can talk too much and dont know social cues. I am really impatient at times and sometimes intolerant of stupidity. all these make it difficult to make freinds....
However I am quite empathic in many ways, very caring, quite emotionally honest, smart, knowledgeable, quick witted, great at concepts, details and planning, organising, I can focus well when needed. Have a weird and wonderful surreal and original sense of humour.

Finally I would really encourage you to find some kind of acceptance of yourself as a complex, interesting human being with a very rich set of personality traits, you are on a personal journey and these are your set of personal challenges and your quest is heroic!.
Haven`t you done really well to get so far in life with all these challenges!

Perhaps now is the time to look at some of them a bit more to improve your life, make it easier on yourself...
This could be a game changer.... the point where you begin get a handle on your stuff....it is not necessarily a bad thing at all.
As you say you have known you are `different` for ages..... a bit of acceptance of your differences could really give you wings as you go forward.

For me looking back, acknowledging my difference was a great step into the future, where at least I am clearer about what I am up against and can take steps to adapt some things and be proud of my other positive traits.
Aspies have many gifts as well as difficulties..... which makes us exceptional human beings in many ways.

I found out about my Aspergers autism when I was 50... so you have 10 years on me!
I hope you can `spin it` to being a new useful and positive direction for the future.

You are in the right place here for advice and sharing.

I'm 59, and about 8 months into what I've recently been told is a 12 month wait for a diagnosis. I think the NHS in Wales is different to, and may be better than, the rest of the UK, but the wait is driving me nuts. I think I'm on the milder end of the spectrum, and had absolutely no awareness that I may not be "normal" until the last few years. I thought my problems connecting with people were due to my upbringing, and that after my mid life crisis when I was 50, I was over much of it, and could do things I couldn't have done in the past. It was only when things went wrong that I started to realise that nothing had changed. Looking back, I can see a gradual decline in my ability to cope with life as I get older. That's why getting a diagnosis is so important, as I think it will help me to understand what's been going on, and hopefully confirm that the difficult situations I have got into are as a result of my brain being wired differently. That may lead on to accepting I have to take some drastic actions to resolve the situation. I got into this situation because of incomplete information, and I need accurate data to help me get out of it.

When I was 41, or even 50, or better still 20, I don't think putting a label on it would have mattered so much. If someone had just told me that there was something different, and helped me to work out ways to deal with it, maybe that would have been enough. But now I need to know for sure.

I did an online test several years ago and told my GP, but I've no idea what his response was. He just listened and didn't say much, and I don't know if he agreed with me but didn't do anything because I didn't ask him to, or if he didn't believe me. It was actually going to a GP last year with chest pains, that were put down to stress, that set the ball rolling. I was sent on a stress management course that wasn't much help, but after that had an appointment with a mental health nurse who suggested Aspergers, and collected all the data to refer me to the people who do the assessment. So I think it was pure luck that I just happened to finally come across someone in the NHS who recognised the symptoms.

As I understand it, only a NHS diagnosis is officially accepted, and may possibly lead to some sort of support. A private diagnosis won't be accepted by the system.

Firstly a massive thanks for the comments made here and the warm welcome I have been given. In one sense, the indication of me having Aspergers, makes no difference to me I am still the same person I was 10 days ago. However and it is a big however it has brought of myriad of different emotions.

On the one hand negative. It probably makes me less even likely to get a girlfriend/get married and have kids, so I feel I am missing out, and to be honest I felt this for some time even before my unofficial diagnosis. It also makes my chances of becoming a manager less likely going forward.

I have some friends who like me, despite my flaws and maybe because of my quirks. I would like to think that underneath my exterior there is a decent guy who has had to go through a lot in recent years, which has brought my underlying flaws closer to the surface, and eroded my coping mechanisms. In recent years I have felt a failure and still do, and I have felt like being 2 different people, on the one hand a successful finance person with great skills on the other as a failure of a human being in coping with normal situations and with people. As I have been pretty mean spirited to most people in my life in recent years on occasions.

One positive benefit to come out of the diagnosis, which I felt when waking up this morning (for the first time) is to perhaps make me less critical of myself. I still have made mistakes in recent years, but perhaps there is a reason for some of it, and hopefully this is a starts of a journey to find out who I really am and who I want to be. As in many senses I haven’t really grown up yet despite my age.

In terms of work, things are a bit complicated, the psychologist report, was forwarded to my HR supervisor who arranged the test with the nurse. I informed my manager, who respected my braveness, as it is embarrassing to discuss character flaws/traits. I don’t have the best relationship with my manager due to a few incidents where I acted “unacceptably”, even though he has always respected my technical ability, when my emotions erupted. But I think we are building up a solid trust/respect.

Work are to make some (small) allowances and I am likely to be allowed to wear earphones and use quiet rooms, to help deal with stimuli issues of open plan offices. I also intend to tell a close friend, who is on a well deserved summer break, when she comes back in next week, but I am still undecided who else to tell. Perhaps I could broach the subject by going for the depression angle which makes me more oversensitive to certain things but that I am working through issues to become consistent, and that I don’t mean to be mean or insensitive.

I still think that I will try for an “official” diagnosis, even if it seems unlikely to be as detailed as my unofficial assessment, and there may well be a long wait on the NHS. Every test I do online, and all the readings I do on my quirks suggests Aspergers, even my awful pun based sense of humour!! ! Even though I don’t take things literally and can get jokes.

I suspect that I might also have OCD, judging by the number of times I check hotel rooms before leaving them. I do care about people and their feelings, but perhaps even this is black and white, e.g. xyz person doesn’t like talking much about a certain topic, so I will not talk about it at all, so there is some emotional intelligence, if somewhat rigid, and lacking subtlety.

I also suspect I might have a bit of Borderline Personality Disorder due to my recent habit of stabbing my arm with a pen in anger, which is great for a few seconds, and then worse as I worry about leaving a scar, and think what an idiot I am for doing it. ( I have never previously told anyone about this, certainly not to work or to the person who assessed me for Apergers.) Thus has only started in the past year or so, I never did this before, however I have lost count of the number of computer mice, keyboards I have broken at home, due to anger Management issues.

Just being able to write this down is helping me, and is therapy in its own way, hopefully this website will help me on my journey.
To close, a massive thanks for the contributions and hopefully I can become a better person as a result of all of this, both in work, and outside, be nicer to my friends and family and be a happier person inside.

Finding out a different explanation for why things happened in your life the way they does bring mixed and strong emotions. I am glad your employers are so understanding.

It hasn't happened for me, and I think it's because I don't read signals, and I'm pretty certain I don't send the right ones either. Looking back over the years, I think I can see some opportunities I've missed because I didn't recognise them at the time. If I'd known what I think I now know years ago, when I met someone who I got on with, I could have told them I have a problem with non-verbal communication. It would probably have freaked out most women, but perhaps I only needed to meet one who suggested we work on it, and I wouldn't be on my own now (apart from my dog!).


I'm a part qualified accountant, and my experiences of managing people weren't good, as I had no idea I wasn't very good at dealing with people. If I'd known that, maybe I could have learned ways to improve, or just worked my way into a position where I didn't have to manage people. I became self-employed in my early 30s partly because I had what I now realise were problems with communication when I worked for other people. I think my lack of good people skills has cost me a lot of money in lost potential income, because I wasn't aware of it. I'd rather know the facts, so I can put some coping strategies in place, than mess up because I avoided finding out.

Hi Abe1
Your response sounds like you are being less critical of yourself already, this is great.
As you need to show understanding of other people you also need to do the same for yourself.

re girlfriends, there are loads of really nice women out there, some of whom have the skills and understanding to cope with us and also find our qualities attractive.

However we do need enlightened people around us with good understanding and tolerance. I am lucky enough to have found a great partner we have been living together for 9 years now. Its been a bumpy road at times but the love is there. Also she has her own issues which I help her with... we now realise its a 50-50 split.

I was listening to the radio yesterday about massive uptake of dating sites on the web. These are getting more and more popular as traditional social life fractures. This is one avenue that we can now explore without any embarrassment at all. Their tips were.
1. don`t spend too long swapping emails before you meet as you will both build up unrealistic expectations.
2. Be fairly honest in your self description and ask for honesty back (but dont be toooo negative!)
2. Join sites for the short term (1 month contract) don`t do any long term deals.

You might feel OK about disclosing some of your `foibles` beforehand so they go in fairly open eyed.(think carefully about using the word Aspergers as many people don`t get it and have a superficial predjudices) Then don`t be defeated it takes quite a few go`s to find someone you like & visa versa.

I am trying to re learn the guitar at 53 and progress is miniscule but my NLP buzzword of the month is `persevere`, I think its a good one.

Sorry if some of my `problem solving` style advice is a bit much, I find practical nitty gritty ideas can be really useful sometimes ... its a thing I do sometimes, but you have my very best wishes as you go forward.

Oh yes also a great saying my missus told me yesterday is : "Depression is worry about the past and Anxiety is worry about the future" .... wise words.....I found this helpful to refocus on the present.

Thanks again for the replies, one thing I am going to do it to take my time and for a start I am to find out who I am.

This is likely to take some time, as things are a lot up and down at the moment.

@ Peejay = I love the word foibles, which I have in abundance. i think I might go down the avenue of saying I am typical man (not strictly true, but it is analogy i can use), and that even though I may not instantly get emotions, they are there but a bit hidden.

I am not ready to try dating sites yet, but I do appreciate the advice, and it is a way of getting to know people, so it is something I could try in the future. At the moment I must try to live for now, and appreciate the little things, after these are the things that make the difference.

@ John in Wales - I have always felt frustration of not being a complete package, and that my soft skills were never even close to my technical skills, so being an aspie, on the one hand gives, and on the other takes away. I can completely understand your frustrations.

In work I have friends/colleagues who are women, some of them I think like me partly because of my quirks, some think I am a bit weird (probably true) and some of them I get the impression think I am a bit creepy, I don't think any of them have ever fancied me, although I wouldn't know if they had.

Good luck with all this exploration, and you are right.....don`t rush anything....... take it easy on yourself.

I self diagnosed in 2004, but didn't bother with formal diagnosis until I found that my experience was useless to researchers without it. Finally on the books in 2009

Is it worth getting a dx?

If I hadn't got a dx... I probably would have been victimised, believed all the vitriole,
blamed myself for my failings, and the abuse of my peers,
fallen into despair, alcoholism, drug addiction
and ultimately suicide

I did get a dx,
so, now I know, that not only I am not the only one that thinks differently,
different think has become such a state of mind,
it is no longer a state of mind,
it has become a community!

Welcome to WP

Abe1 and everyone else

Hi Abe1

I'm 42 and in similar job in the UK.

I would say go for the dx as it will help with your work and make sure you get the support you need from your employer.

Good luck and welcome from me too !

Cheers for all the replies.

So far I have told a few people in work about be being suspected having Aspergers , people I have know for a very long time, but others I am reluctant to tell. However I am being pressured (albeit in my own time) to inform the rest of the department. Can I refuse to let anyone else know (as mentioned I work in the UK?)

Most people who work there are decent people, however that does not apply to everyone, and I don’t trust certain people outside the department, who might use it against me. I haven’t told anyone in my family, as this would cause a lot of distress.

Much of my depression issues have been brought on by work, with me being taken advantage of. I have very good technical skills, however these are not matched by personal skills, I have always known that, but at least now I know the reason. So I feel taken advantage of and this has made me suspicious at best, paranoid at worst.

There was also a recommendation from my Physiologist report that I be allowed to wear earphones, previously this was allowed and people could listen to music. However this was stopped across the company. They are very reluctant to allow me to do so, even though it was recommended and it really did help calm me down. I am allowed to wear earplugs, but these don’t block out that much sound at all, and I think I have sensitive hearing anyway.

They are willing to meet with someone from the National Autistic Society) to help discuss matters, I am happy with this suggestion.

I am unsure as to whether they are covering their backs, or are genuinely trying to help me; probably it is a bit of both. To be fair it is probably a difficult situation for them to be in, and they have to balance my needs with those of the rest of the organisation.

Am I being paranoid, or should I allow myself time to adjust to this, and do things when I am ready.

Sharing with others is 100% up to you. There should be no pressure from anyone else.
I suggest you do it on a need to know basis, stressing confidentiality if you want that. Some people will share if not told this clearly...
NB. that is not always a bad thing if they are on your side. However some people will still share even if they are told not to as certain people can`t help but gossip! ... avoid these folk unless you purposely want it `leaked`

I shared with 3 senior managers at work who are now bound to confidentiality...... (I hope!) but not my line manager or anyone else I don1t quite trust or feel comfortable with.
I expect confidentiality from the managers but also feel that this is a pre-emptive protection for me. ie that the people in power are obliged to be understanding. They are duty bound to be confidential.

I have inferred in casual conversation that I have `differences` in communication styles with a few other people and have described some of the traits I have but without using the `A` words. Some of the smarter of them might already guess. I have done this carefully for my own ends.

However I do not really apologise for my ways anymore. I almost acknowledge `Yes this might be difficult for you and and for myself but .... there it is... we all have to deal with it` its the way I am.
(remember NTs all have their different & difficult ways too, my line manager can be a petty stubborn drama queen when stressed if things don`t go her way and gives me the cold treatment she is really skillfull at social communication and making freinds etc but I can also see that she is very manipulative too and uses her skills to get what she wants.... at least i am not petty like this!)

Interestingly my line manager recently commented how good I am at spotting errors or mistakes in documents the other day... I took this as a compliment to my fine detail observation skills. So accentuate your qualities to people too and feel proud of them.

There are no rules here Abe, do what is comfortable for you. Personally I would require confidentiality from those you explicitly share with. It is NOT up to them who knows about this it is up to you... as and when and if you feel ready.... you have rights here
Apart from that, don`t sweat too much about making mistakes in how you disclose it will all turn out OK in the end. This acceptance of yourself as a complex caring and interesting human being who just sometimes has some problems interacting sometimes is a massive step in the right direction and will really help in the longer term. I am new to exactly this kind of issue but am feeling more solid about being myself all the time.

p.s.
couldn`t you wangle it to wear some kind of headphones more like as a `hearing aid` kind of thing. ie on special`prescription` for an actual medical reason.
EG to help with a hearing problem as external sounds distract you (I have tinnitus and music helps me re focus off the interminable hissing)

Surely this is where management couldhelp by backing you and allowing you to explain to your team mates why you are an exception but without having to mention your Aspergers??

Just a thought.... that is what managers are meant to do.... manage!

I suppose this is where a categorical DX would help but nevertheless if they are sympathetic perhaps worth suggesting?