I can't sleep without nightmares.

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I was married once (at 27). I have had two solid long term relationships since then (am still with the second woman.)

I am terrorized even now almost ten years later (I am 35 now) by nightmares that leave me in a shivering, wet cold sweat.

At first, I couldn't remember the dreams at all.. but now?

I wake up screaming at my ex-wife, who took our child and I still havent seen him since the divorce, because her family made it impossible logistically for me to get to him. Because of my diagnosis -- and the fact that I am just now getting treatment from an appropriate doctor for my HFA, I do not haave the resources to change the situation.

It isnt a good idea for me to talk with my current spouse about it -- that I understand.

I guess I'm having a hard time with my failure. I feel so utterly alone when I have someone around me who cares. Gah its frustrating.

Anyone else struggling with nightmares and fatigue?

Definitely talk to your current spouse about it, this is obviously something that's giving you a lot of trauma and I'm sure she'd want to help you

I cannot. She told me she doesnt want to hear about how my ex traumatizes me. Something that I understand, I wouldnt want to her her rant about her exes either. Its why I posted here.

Is it that you think how your ex-wife traumatizes you, or is it that you miss the kid?
If it's the latter you might try to get contact. Just writing or sending presents would be good, I think. And possibly with help of your current wife? So she knows it is about the son, and not the lady. Although it might be very frightening to do that, sometimes when we meet our fears it turns out they are not so big after all. And different. It is possible that they have moved on, and a little bit of contact (not too much, so they don't find it overwhelming) won't hurt.
Just speculating because I don't know the situation. But it seems to be something that was left unfinished and thus it bothers you.

One of the problems I have is finding people that understand (although I appreciate and respect your reply -- it was helpful).

I of course keep up to date on my childcare payments -- because thats the right thing to do as the childs needs always comes first - as for talking to her -- I feel a palpable fear --she was abusive -- in my opinion, one must always try as she is the mother of my child and for his sake some sort of working relationship will be necessary.

I have kept a journal for Logan (hes 8 now) -- almost to clear the air for the time when hes old enough to understand -- and I tell myself that hes young still and I have lots of time to be with him when things sort out (Im his father, I have rights.)

That being said --- I am a WRITER by trade, so writing ALWAYS helps. Its the SENDING part that scares me.

I spent years unable to get a good nights sleep. Sleep was when the nightmares came. It was less than worthless, for all I found was pain, and I awoke as tired as before, barely able to function. I thought that was normal, just how life was meant to be lived. Then there were some breakthroughs, I ended up with a CPAP to control my central sleep apnea, and a pill to control my nighttime anxiety. I was getting good sleep for the first time in years. It was wonderful. I still had the nightmares, but I could live with them. Then I was talking to my psychiatrist and he had been doing some reading on some of my issues, he recommended a marvelous little drug called prazosin.
That little gem is a miracle. It gets rid of the nightmares.
I still have unpleasant dreams sometimes. Dreams that I used to call nightmares, but they aren't nightmares. They're just unpleasant dreams. I know what nightmares are. Like you describe, they are the events that force me awake, and drive me from my bed. I don't have those any more. In fact, most of my dreams are quite pleasant these days. Sleep is now an acceptable end to any day.
So, if you're at the point where you would consider a pharmaceutical response, ask about prazosin. It's been used with good success among the veteran population (I'm in that category) to remove the PTSD nightmares.

I can't speak to your other details. I'm sorry you're going through that, it's rough to not be able to see your child. I hope you are able to get it resolved.

Nightmares don't bother me. When I wake in fear after a few minutes I sort of wonder at the expanded consciousness . I have much more trouble getting to sleep in the first place.

So you are paying childcare but you never see the child? That's something to scream about when awake. The journal is great idea.

Being ripped away from your kid tends to wreak havoc on your pysche.

You can ask your doctor about Minipress(Prazosin), it is a blood pressure medication that is supposed to help with nightmares.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3538493/

I had horrible (similarly) nightmares for years following the extreme PTSD I experienced from being gaslighted (can't post a URL yet, Google it) by several of my exes (one of which, chillingly, probably knew I was on the spectrum and never told me) in some incredibly cruel ways. I found quite a bit of relief from cannabis, which doesn't necessarily prevent the dreams, but it seems to simply provide an amnesiac effect for dreams. Sometimes I get flickers of them later in the day if something reminiscent happens, but it is almost like remembering a part of a movie I watched while I was falling asleep more than it is a clear recollection.

My wife reports that I still get loud sometimes, and sometimes she wakes me up because I am sobbing or seem to be arguing in my dream, but even then I won't remember it the next day.

I have spoken to other sufferers of PTSD (which, I'm sorry to say, sounds like what you are experiencing) who found the same therapy to be a viable option. A Google (etc) search will yield you quite a few people who agree, although most of the evidence you will find online is anecdotal (consider though that MJ research has been almost universally illegal since the 60s, and likely won't be conducted in proper environments until the Federal government lifts the prohibition).

Please note: I am neither a doctor nor a dispensary nor a naturopath nor an herbalist—I also play none of the aforementioned on television—so my advice is free of charge.