Almost 30, trying to find out what I really want in life.
Background: I work full-time as a software developer, and have been self-sufficient for awhile. My brother is fully autistic, and I was always an unknown. Around 2011, I got an ADD diagnosis, and the prescriptions have been a lifesaver for me, but even then I still dealt with a lot of social difficulty. It wasn't until February that I saw a professional and took several tests, the results showing a strong chance of borderline AS (or generalized HFA, what with the whole DSM-V "AS isn't definable" controversy).
Since then, I've been seeing another therapist that's in-network and we have been discussing assorted issues I've been dealing with.
-Difficulty making good first impressions, and the corresponding difficulty connecting with people.
-Difficulty with dating in general. I've tried the online dating route, and it hasn't worked. I've had at least 50 first dates but maybe 6 second dates.
-Me not knowing what I actually want in life. Computer science wasn't some calling or passion for me, so much as it was something I fell into because I was good at it and it's employable. I didn't move to my current city to "make it big/live the high life", so much as I moved here because this was where I could find work.
I feel like I'm coasting through life, not entirely sure what I really want to do with it.
-I could do what many do and drown my existential woe in Netflix and booze, but there should be more to life than that.
-I didn't really have many friends. Making new ones would be nice.
-I could throw myself even further into dating, considering paying for matchmaking services, etc. However, I've found myself only able to take so much rejection at once, and I'd rather not pay more for it than I already do. At the same time, I'm 29, obviously single, and honestly am burnt out by the idea of having to attend another wedding.
-The closest thing to peace I find is any "Hands-on" task. It's probably because I spend most my time typing code, that I want something I can visibly show off. I'm dabbling in blacksmithing and jewelry-making now, but the raw passion needed to
-Travel somewhere I guess? I've only taken one vacation for myself while working, and that was this year. Almost every other time, it has been visiting relatives. I don't really have a strong drive to explore the unknown.
I'm honestly trying to figure out what I actually want, because otherwise I'm feeling rather burnt-out.
ASPartOfMe
Veteran

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 37,922
Location: Long Island, New York
Unless you really dispise it, for now keep that job and paycheck coming in. Plenty if not most employees do not love or even like thier jobs, these days especially. Try different things and approaches during your offtime. But do not try too hard because anxiety can cause you to miss something. Some things need to happen naturally. Who knows your ADD might work for you because you can't focus on one thing to long you will expose yourself to more things.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
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