Long time girlfriend and I are in a bad place

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I've been struggling with depression and other mental health issues. I've had difficulties maintaining stable employment due to them. My long term girlfriend has been supporting me financially and emotionally for the past 9 months. Now the house she owns and reminds me that it's her home not mine, needs expensive work. She's freaking out about how to pay for it. I've run up some medical billls which she has helped with. I can sense that she wants me to fully support myself financially in a very short time frame. I'm just not ready to return back to a full time professional job as I'm still recovering from a major bout of depression and other physical health issues. A doctor discovered a condition with my heart due to stress and is not prudent to go back to a high-intensity job.

We had a fight over something petty which in turn was her way to admonish me to "get a f*****g job". I can't be in this house when she's like this. I have no family in the area and I don't have some place to go to get away. There are other signs that this is a toxic relationship but I'm stuck until I earn more money to support myself financially. I don't have family I can stay with. I don't know what options I have? Should I get on SSDI and qualify for Section8 housing so that I can get myself in an environment that doesn't crush my self esteem or trigger my depression?

To be honest, I can identify with your girlfriend. A relationship where you are supported financially and emotionally sounds pretty lopsided. She is giving without getting much back. Admittedly, you may have only told half the story, and it may be she does get a lot back, but I can only go with what you have stated.

Maybe it was OK with her to support you until she had big financial issues of her own, and then it was not OK.

If you really can't work due to your disabling condition, then yes, you should apply for SSDI. They require you not only to have an inability to work right now, but also that the condition is not likely to improve in the foreseeable future. The process of writing down all your weaknesses on paper can be demoralizing for many folks, so you need to be prepared for that if you go this route.

Getting financial support for your inability to work is a good idea whether or not you stay in this relationship. You can at least pull your weight.

Getting SSDI takes many months (especially if you are denied on the first try and have to go through an appeal process) and getting Section 8 can take still longer, so don't view this as a quick fix. Sometimes you can get help with employment through the Vocational Rehabilitation agency for your location, that also takes a few months but not as long as SSDI.

I hope things look better for you before too long. Keep your chin up and protect your self esteem.

I just wanted to add that in my time at WrongPlanet, I have watched several people go from where you are to a place where they do get appropriate supports. In every case, once they have help with food, housing, medical care, they feel better and seem to be doing better. I do see people improve their lot when they move ahead with these things.

She has every right to be upset. I know what it is to be deeply depressed myself, and how hard daily functioning can be... but it's no one else's responsibility to care for you. And if you lean on someone too long in that way, they are prone to leaving you for someone who will not.

It's harsh, but a truth of the world.

I'd suggest getting SSDI if you can, but as Bea said, it takes a lone time to go through. Perhaps your girlfriend will cut you some slack if you show some effort. It may be as simple as showing that you have drive to improve, not how quickly you can do so. Maybe she just wants to see you're not giving up. No one wants to be committed to a quitter.

You need to figure out something, because if she leaves you, you will have to anyway. So be proactive and push yourself now, before you have the same issue but without your girlfriend.