As a child, I was disgusted by babies. Even in my pre-teens and going through puberty, I always had a very strong aversion to babies and toddlers. Six year olds were tolerable, in theory, but I always became overwhelmed by them in person. I always had a very odd dislike for kids. I used to plan on getting a hysterectomy just to ensure that I could never get pregnant, even if I weren't sexually active, just in case I were impregnated upon being raped. I always told my mother I'd never want kids, but she always said I'd change my mind as I got older.
She was sort of right. She was never right about much, as off the hinges as she is, but she was sort of right about that. Sort of. I still don't actively desire children, and my decreasing aversion to children isn't simply due to ageing, really, but rather, the fact that I'm in love. I see children and I find myself daydreaming about packing lunches at 6 AM as my love helps our offspring get dressed and brush their teeth. It's a very idealized and romanticized view on parenthood, of course. I used to be disgusted by the mere idea of kids existing, so this is an extreme change. I actually find myself finding kids cute, now.
I also once had a very horrible fear of pregnancy. The idea of having something living inside of me, growing and developing with time into something that will one day be my size. I feared I'd go insane while pregnant and somehow hurt myself as I'm pregnant, I feared I'd be vomiting all the time (I had a very extreme fear of vomit for over 10 years), I feared I'd suffer from post-partum psychosis, or worsened depression. It should be noted that all these fears are quite irrational, and I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I no longer fear all these things I once did about pregnancy and parenthood. I still fear I'd somehow ruin my child forever, permanently scar them and ruin their self-esteem and ability to function, like my mother did to me, but I suppose every parent would fear that--or, at least, they should, honestly.
I would never actively seek out children if I were single, or if my partner didn't want any. If my partner didn't want any kids, ever, I'd really have no desire for children, either. I'm not a mindless drone, or anything, following my partner's every wish--I just wouldn't ever want kids when the person I love the most wouldn't want them because raising kids is a team-effort while in a relationship. Any desire for children would be killed if I learned my partner did not ever want kids. I wouldn't force it away, it would just cease to exist. I don't really even 'want' kids, I just can see the pros of having children at this point.
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crisscrossed with axes and thresholds, with latitudes and longitudes and geodesic lines, traversed by gradients marking the transitions and the becomings.