Inability to successfully navigate a bureaucracy?

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***WARNING-rant ahead***

I'm the Mommy in my family & I was diagnosed with Aspergers about 3 years ago. Everyone else in the family is NT.

But there are things that Mommy's have to do that I've had the darndest time with. For instance, my daughter is in the school band. I don't like the band director (he's not all that popular w/the kids; that doesn't bother me) What I dislike is that he plays favorites. He holds "contests" & if anyone BUT one of his favorites win (for instance: my daughter won the sales contest over 2 yrs ago) he ignores awarding the prize. He also completly ignores phone calls & emails if you're not the parent of one of his favorites (at least, all of this is my "guess" from his actions over the last 3 years).

So that came to a head this week & I called the Principal. Got some idiot secretary who takes the term "gate-keeper" to the n-th degree.

Do any other AS adults w/NT children ever find themselves bogged down in bureaucracy? Part of me wants to go screaming angry but another part knows that that won't solve a thing. Then when I realize that someone is "handling" me & NOT solving the problem, I really get mad.

Yeah, I think we do have a harder time with the bureaucracy.

Bureaucrats don't like directness.

Then there's the low frustration tolerance thing.

There's that automatic dislike thing that I'm prone to evoke, too. As my frustration levels rise, so does the degree of difficulty of the interaction.

I absolutely despise bureaucracy. That's one thing that has really held me back in my life is that I refuse to deal with small people who think they're important.

Bureaucracy sucks and it seems that the only people ever employed in bureaucratic jobs are those who despise the human race and are on a power trip. There's absolutely no excuse for treating people the way they do, and no reason why anyone should have to deal with it.

Well, except for one: we have to. It's part of life and part of the way the world works. It's stupid and unfair, but there's nothing you can do about it, and if you don't learn to deal with it, you'll never get anywhere.

Try thinking of it as a game. Learn the rules, and then you can manipulate the situation and get what you want. These people just want to feel important and powerful - constantly apologize for "taking up their time" (ie expecting them to do their job) and thank them for doing things they should be doing anyway, and you might find you get very different results.

If I hadn't learned this lesson, I'd still be living with my parents in a place I hated, horribly depressed, maybe even suicidal. Instead, I managed to learn the rules of the game and got myself a new life. Now I live in a different country (with one of the most infamously complicated bureaucracies in the world) with a residence visa and work permit which I got all by myself. It was far from easy and anything but pleasant, but I can tell you one thing for sure: it was absolutely worth it and I don't regret going through all that for one second.

If you can learn to look people in the eye, carry on a normal conversation, or respond correctly to social niceties like "how are you?", it shouldn't be too difficult to fake a smile and pretend you're grateful for something you're not.

I wish you luck!

I do believe that at this point I would call your local school board representative and have a nice little chat. When you get the run-around from an underling, don't say anything. Call the school board. Most board members have lives and they don't want those lives interupted by irate parents. If that doesn't work, consider running for the school board yourself. You'll really have their attention then!

Your point about the frustrations of dealing with bureaucratic gate-keepers is well-taken. I doubt it's any consolation, but I don't think anyone, Aspie or otherwise, deals with this well.

I'm fortunate in that at my age and station in life, I'm able to minimize my contact with the bureaucracies of the world. I live fulltime in my RV and consequently I have almost nothing to do with state/local governments, utility companies, school administrations, etc, etc. But that's of no use to you now.

Sorry I'm not more helpful

Partly shameless promotion of one of my own threads, but this may interest the OP:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt189050.html

Would love to see more input on it.

I always thought my hating bureaucracy was an allergy.

MsMarginalized yes! bureaucracy is so difficult and scary even to me, that I avoid it at all cost. Unfortunately, there are some things I have to do - like you, and it's a nightmare. Some schools have got to be the worst pieces of work ever. Glad - I don't have to have anything to do with them anymore.

All they have to do is blow you off, and a whole afternoon of your time is wasted. Although if you just need something signed or stamped, they usually move you along. Its only when you have a question they have to listen to in order to answer a question that I get the smoke and mirrors (and directed to the person down the hall).

It's easy for NTs and Aspies alike to be frustrated by bureaucracies because of the impenetrable qualities of such organizations. But I think what makes it particularly aggravating for people on the spectrum is that it can be so hard to figure out the social codes by which they operate. We don't have access to the oil that greases the wheels. By the same token, I think that Aspies who have gotten skilled at mimicking social scripts can actually be better at navigating bureaucracies than NTs. It's like a game, or a play. The actual people don't matter that much.

I find government bureaucracy, insurance companies and temp agencies very frustrating to navigate.

What makes it worse is my older sister is a bureaucrat, and the attitude comes home with her.

It's the worst parts of a people based system and a ridgid machine like system.