does anyone else with a.s. feel that life has been a waste?

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kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 9:26 pm

No doubt. I don't disagree with what you said. Some areas are definitely more "tolerant" than others.

Blooie......I understand how you feel. Watching a seizure is something which is dreadful.

But, I am sure that you also have fun with your kids, too. They do things that make you laugh, and make themselves laugh.

Let me tell you something: they don't want you to "go." They need their smart and perceptive mommy.



blooiejagwa
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02 Dec 2019, 9:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I know it's not easy for ASD kids----but, still....to deny them the opportunity to attain any happiness at all is atrocious.

I feel like society is beginning to "adjust more," to be honest.


i agree: for the younger kids now, it's improving (steadily, but a long way to go of course)

As for 'where' - huge factor, place and people, for some things
(e.g. as Marknis has often griped about,
the behaviour or moral code of people like his elder brother,
affecting him badly--while others have a sort of coating that allows them to observe but not affected inwardly to the point of distress).

I don't think the environment and one's own efforts, can improve on one's mental capacity by much.

one of my dad's reasons for moving us constantly, was because he thought that, for me, it was the place that was wrong (reality: it was me that couldn't deal).

He compared what he saw of me younger-cheerful and fine at home (he had nothing to compare any quirks to, accepted as is).

He saw me as reacting adversely to environment, but changing the environment did not change my sensitivities. I continued the same pattern of seeming ok for a bit--not on the inside which was confused and overwhelmed--then totally crumbling and failing . Thus needing to be coached/screamed at/put into different environments with parents' explanations and help constantly.

Without family around, I was floundering and my brain was scattered with nobody helping me collect my thoughts. Same case still

As you age, your brain can grow along the same trajectory as other kids, or entirely different, which automatically isolates you regardless of how nice and fine people are.

You self-isolate, in fact, or you don't even know why, you just know you cannot keep up (not just socially).

Stim + retreat in activities that are a shield against the world as well as giving satisfaction (no matter how odd they seem to NTs).


People may respond to that 'slowness' and fragility/weakness with understanding/affection, or not (the not, resulting in bad experiences/trauma that compounds the distress).

They may not detect it if you have a good way of seeming aloof but calm.

Either way-- you yourself are frustrated as you just cannot get by without serious help.

So you sort of tune out (if lucky) or keep to yourself, drifting in once in a while (socially), sort of like 'loony' Luna Lovegood. Either keep falling further down or have people around who help you up just enough that you have some protection.

I don't think environment can change that propensity to collapse/crash and burn.
Nor do I know whether this can apply to others here.



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 9:49 pm

Honestly, I feel like a nice, scenic environment can really "change" a person at times.

I really wasn't too affected by the "niceness" of my environment when I was growing up, though, it must be said.

When I retire, I'm probably going to move to a place much more rural than where I am now.



auntblabby
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02 Dec 2019, 9:51 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Honestly, I feel like a nice, scenic environment can really "change" a person at times. I really wasn't too affected by the "niceness" of my environment when I was growing up, though, it must be said. When I retire, I'm probably going to move to a place much more rural than where I am now.

would you move out west?



blooiejagwa
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02 Dec 2019, 9:52 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Honestly, I feel like a nice, scenic environment can really "change" a person at times.

I really wasn't too affected by the "niceness" of my environment when I was growing up, though, it must be said.

When I retire, I'm probably going to move to a place much more rural than where I am now.


I want to start a new thread speculating on nice places you could retire, images to accompany everyone's suggestions.



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 9:53 pm

That would be a nice thread :)



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 9:54 pm

I wouldn't mind, actually, living in Coos Bay, Eureka (CA), or some place like that.



auntblabby
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02 Dec 2019, 9:55 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wouldn't mind, actually, living in Coos Bay, Eureka (CA), or some place like that.

mind you, california in general is a pretty expensive place to live. oregon somewhat cheaper.



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 10:06 pm

I’ve seen rentals in Eureka in the 700s.

I like its climate. Many people don’t.



auntblabby
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02 Dec 2019, 10:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I’ve seen rentals in Eureka in the 700s. I like its climate. Many people don’t.

consider the part of town. seattle boosters like to mislead out of towners by saying, "seattle is so affordable, we have apartments for as little as $1500/month" [not mentioning income requirements/first and last month's deposit etc.] and not mentioning those apartments are in pretty hairy parts of town.



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 10:21 pm

You can get a decent 1 bedroom in a decent part of Queens for $1,500 a month.

The commute would probably be pretty long, though.



auntblabby
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02 Dec 2019, 10:22 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
You can get a decent 1 bedroom in a decent part of Queens for $1,500 a month. The commute would probably be pretty long, though.

how much would a rent-controlled unit be?



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 10:24 pm

Maybe that. Maybe a little less



auntblabby
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02 Dec 2019, 10:29 pm

^^^that is about 10 times what i could conceivably afford. that is how much rent i hadda pay back in '82.



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2019, 10:31 pm

I paid $300 a month in Brooklyn in 1982.