When is it too late to "make something" of yourself?

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Yakuzamonroe
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20 Nov 2019, 3:46 pm

This MIGHT be a longer post but I feel this is better than sitting and settling with what might be a depressive episode. This is going to get into some deeper stuff about self-esteem, personal growth and self-understanding struggles as an AS diagnosed person. I want to be realistic about my future goals from here on in.

I'm at a point in my life where I realize I may or may not be so capable of making it better. I've had to struggle, both emotionally and intellectually, during my life to feel a sense of "worth", for lack of a better word. Now, it's been easier to foster a sense of self-worth as I've gotten older, especially since my 20's. I've taught myself to hold my own in social settings, form strong friendships and even find and engage in full-time employment, though the latter achievement has yielded poor results in the last couple of years. I've even found I'm attractive and productive enough to attract the opposite sex and finish a bachelor's degree in 2017 which I have been putting off.

But for a while, the past six months in fact, I've felt I'm mediocre. Today, for no other acknowledgeable reason than I had literally dreamt about it, I was despondent over the memory of an event of a card game tournament I played years ago, where I lost the first two rounds and didn't even place. This started a bit of a cascade of this belief of how unexceptional I am and this deepened how this feeling of how untalented I am. In part, this is due to being a dabbler rather than specializing or honing skills in one place, for one thing, whether professionally or in a hobby. This has lead to a bit of dilution effect upon my life where I can do some things well enough but not good enough for respect or recognition from others.

So, from the perspective of many others, I haven't advanced much in life. Professionally, I haven't gotten above a supervisory position and I have yet to gain worthwhile employment in either field, Literature and Sociology, I studied in college (though now thinking on it, I think I was in college more for intellectual fulfillment more than anything else). Personally, I have a few hobbies, such as amateur voice acting/narration, personal writing, books (across many subjects), weight lifting, tabletop gaming and video games. Being one that likes new experiences and has no sense of commitment, I fear I may not have gotten out of life what I CAN achieve ... but often I feel I'm overtaken by boredom, fear, self-doubt or, at times, anger before I give myself the chance to become REALLY good at something.

I'm realizing I can do most things well enough to get by but I'm not really excellent at anything. I would be ok with this, and I feel I can find a place been more all-around, than specialized or singularly talented, but I still can't shake this idea that I don't know what I'm doing. Throughout my life, I've found I've been a very poor decision-maker and I've made foolish, expensive or time-wasting mistakes and I feel, coming along to middle-age, I don't know how adaptable I'll be pursuing any new or life-changing directions. I'm not sure what I should do, what direction I should take, if I should finally chase a career or if I should just settle down, let alone, doing my best to excel in a single area for its own sake.

With all that out there, I'll take any advice or input I can get.



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20 Nov 2019, 4:45 pm

Yakuzamonroe wrote:
When is it too late to "make something" of yourself?
When you have become unable to make anything of yourself (i.e., coma, paralysis, death, et cetera).


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martianprincess
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20 Nov 2019, 4:53 pm

Your post fully, completely resonates with me.
I've been thinking a lot about this myself as I approach a new life decade and I have found myself in yet *another* career change (my third, as a matter of fact, and I graduated from college not even two years ago with a master's degree, directly after a bachelor's.... very costly missteps and I find myself spending even more money to pursue a career that may not even materialize).

I've jumped from job to job, relationship to relationship, new beginning to new beginning throughout my entire adulthood. I haven't managed to make much out of myself, especially career-wise, and I feel like I don't have any real skills (I know a little bit about a lot, basically). I feel like in some ways I'm starting to build more of a career, but it's taken me much longer than other people to do it and my resume is a bit of a mess. It feels like such a frustrating and difficult puzzle that I'm still missing several pieces for.

I've only recently begun to be better at navigating social stuff, but I realize that I will always have a hard time with it no matter how hard I try. This realization really, really sucks. And I have been out of the workforce for a few months and social skills are like a muscle, and I need to keep using it to be passably sufficient at it. My marriage has fallen apart as well, and once again I find myself in another life transition because I can't seem to have sufficient social and emotional skills to keep anything going.

In my romantic life and career, I can't seem to commit to anything. I have always wondered why I have such a strong lack of commitment, and I wish I didn't. I want to be able to stick things out and not get bored, not get too stressed out, and not get dissatisfied so easily *so badly* but it just always f*****g happens.

SIGH.

I guess I need the same life guidance you do, and that's why I'm posting. I'm sorry I don't have any advice. I'm tired of starting over, over and over again. I crave stability and contentment.


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Sweetleaf
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20 Nov 2019, 4:58 pm

Well what are your future goals? Are there life changes you feel you really need or is it that you think other people think you should be pursuing some life changing direction...if it is the latter than I wouldn't worry so much about them.

I mean do you really want a big 'career' even. If you maintain employment and are making enough to sustain yourself and also have a bit of money for hobbies then I suppose I don't really see the issue. A full on career could even mean much less time for those things you enjoy and much more responsibility in your work life.

My boyfriend is 35 and he just does labor work, right now hes working for a tree care company and I work part time at a thrift store, and well it's a means to an end. Me and him need money to pay our rent and be able to afford hobby and enjoyment things, but that is all it is. Neither of us are interested in career jobs if anything we'd like to find a way to get by with both of us working as little as possible.

Also half of us millennials in our 30s don't really know exactly what we are doing..I mean we don't even know if there will still be any social security available when we're senior citizens even if you do get a professional career to spend all your time on. So you are not the only one with that feeling.

And you don't need to excel amazingly in one specific area. Sure if you have a specific talent then sure work on that, but that said its much more useful to be competent at many things than to just excel in one specific thing. So that isn't really something worth beating yourself up over.

IDK if any of this will be helpful, just some thoughts I had about it.



shortfatbalduglyman
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20 Nov 2019, 7:36 pm

Your title:. Unless you are dead or nearly, it is not "too late" to "make something" out of yourself.

However, options drastically decline with age.


Writing a post could be a good thing, but it will not prevent a :evil: depressive episode :twisted:


Plenty of precious lil "people" have way too much :mrgreen: :ninja: self esteem :skull: . You can't measure your retail value and it is constantly changing.


Even the exchange rate of monetary currency fluctuates daily


"Realistic" is good. :lol: graceful degradation :cry: is better. Plenty of uppity lil extroverts act like, :skull: hope :heart: this and "you can do anything you set your mind to" that. :roll:


Nobody can do everything


"Life" goes on


Even if you have the potential to do something, doesn't mean it's worth the time energy and money


By definition someone has to be "mediocre" or lower

Bell curve

Not everyone is "exceptional". Not everyone has the potential to be exceptional
Exceptional is not always a good thing


Nobody needs to be excellent at anything

:mrgreen: :mrgreen:



darkwaver
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20 Nov 2019, 8:16 pm

When you're young, it feels like you have so much time, and there are so many possibilities of things you might achieve in life - then as you reach middle age, the realization hits that most of the possibilities will never happen. That said, I don't think it's too late, if you found something you really wanted to achieve and worked to make it happen. The hard part is wanting something badly enough to do it.

Perhaps if you had spent your life specializing in something to the exclusion of everything else and become exceptional at it, you might be wondering right now what you missed out on by not dabbling and trying out a variety of things.



languagehopper
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30 Dec 2019, 11:40 am

I will tell you what I tell myself when I feel much as you describe:

other people's opinions shouldn't matter that much

Life is a journey, everyone's is different, therefore noone is using the same measure anyway so no life wins the trophy, no life loses. Human's suffer whatever they achieve because our minds always look for more.

But still at 54 I think it is time I stopped thinking about what I will be when I grow up. Life is what it is, the vector you choose is probably the most important thing, stay inclined towards the positive and all will be well, one moment at a time.


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Brisienna
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30 Dec 2019, 12:12 pm

Something I find helpful to remember about the value of a life:

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/krissa-l ... 36832-HVKR

Everybody is already "something" but we can make choices about what we most want to do with what we've got.

Options and opportunities can both come and go with time, but there'll never be enough time for anyone to do everything they might be capable of, and many are the cases where people have invested and sacrificed much in time, effort, resources, and relationships for a certain outcome only for that outcome to no longer be available once they got through the process, and new things come about that no one could have foreseen to prepare for years ahead of time.

So what matters more for life satisfaction I think is adaptability, resourcefulness, contentment, and a fulfilling direction in the present than what has or hasn't taken place in the past.



Last edited by Brisienna on 30 Dec 2019, 12:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.

BTDT
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30 Dec 2019, 12:20 pm

I bought a home and learned gardening in my late 30s. I've gotten really good at it in my 50s.



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03 Jan 2020, 4:08 pm

Ken Block STARTED his rally career in his 30's. Alan Rickman STARTED his acting career in his 50's. I watched a 98 year old man receive his master's degree at a graduation ceremony.

"There's no such thing as too late! That's why God invented DEATH!" - Walter Matthau



Twilightprincess
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04 Jan 2020, 11:00 am

It’s too late when you’re dead although some would say that even then...



kraftiekortie
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04 Jan 2020, 11:36 am

Van Gogh was virtually broke when he was alive....but became a gazillionaire posthumously.



Twilightprincess
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04 Jan 2020, 11:38 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Van Gogh was virtually broke when he was alive....but became a gazillionaire posthumously.


That’s not helping him out too much now unless he was reincarnated as a beneficiary or if he’s enjoying bragging rights in heaven.



kraftiekortie
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04 Jan 2020, 11:50 am

No doubt!



IsabellaLinton
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04 Jan 2020, 12:03 pm

Define "make something of yourself". That doesn't have to mean financial success or a particular skill.

To me, it means whether someone is a moral and charitable person who has learned from their mistakes.