Good advice for guys who can't meet women...

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I haven't seen this guy's reality show, but he is obviously smart and knows what he is talking about.

Just thought I would pass it along to those who can't get any play.

Mystery and His Method for Meeting Women


I wasn't posting this for discussion, but if someone has something to say, let's hear it.

eeahgh.

Oh come on, make a comment. I've already been rehearsing my defense to charges of misogyny, but I can't argue with "eeahgh".

But it's such a comprehensive summary.

Well, let's see. . . it's not what I'm looking for. . . it's not how I'm looking for it. . . it strikes me as moderately to extremely disgusting, and I notice our pick-up artist has ever so slimily sidestepped any potential answering of his own to charges of misogyny.

Why would I want to talk about this? It's not like I see myself changing your point of view.

If you want to post some sort of defense of the tactics, about how they aren't misogynist, I'll give it a read. I could be wrong; I think it's happened once before, and I try to be open to new things in any case.

For now, I'm off to try and rinse that bad taste out of my mouth.

Not posting this for discussion indeed.

I suppose its about giving guys confidence they otherwise don't have, in order to approach women

Well, I don't know why I have given the impression that my mind couldn't be changed about anything. I've changed my mind 19 times before breakfast some mornings. To be honest, I was just posting this for lonely guys, because I was that way a few years ago. But now in the evening time, when I've had a few drinks in me, I feel more challenged to see if I can draw out the good advice I saw in this article early this morning.


Here's a summary of the things I thought were good advice, or at least true.

1. His use of "peacocking", or making himself obvious to the opposite sex. Males of many, many species have evolved to look dramatic which usually makes them more obvious to predators, but also draws more attention from females. Since those species are still around, we can guess which evolutionary pressure is stronger. What does that have to do with human females? Well, at least they notice the male in question. Admit it, every female that looked at the link thought to themselves "no way would I ever be with that guy" (or maybe they would), then it worked. You at least thought of him in a sexual way. If there are some 20+ year old male virgins on WP, then not being noticed by females is probably an issue.

2. He does say some things on the first page about women liking men with status and men liking females with greater visible fertility potential. That comes off as a little stereotypical at worst, hardly sexist. If you don't think that this is true of the majority of people in the world, then you are naive. That's not any different than any show I've seen on the Discovery Health channel. While I'm not married to my wife because she has a nice curvy figure, I was initially attracted to her because of it. I married her because of her personality and character.

3. The "neg". That is a pretty good idea. I have had many women tell me in converstation, and demonstrate, that they go crazy for guys they can't have for whatever reason. Negative comments about your own dating potential, can probably get that effect, if used wisely. I would never be comfortable using this one unless I knew a women was already interested.


Now beyond that, he doesn't say anything substantial. Now I don't know, maybe he's worse on the reality show, but I don't see what is so bad about what he said. We have thousands of years of evolutionary history behind us and most decisions (believe it or not) are made intuitively. Why can't someone use that to their advantage? If we have some lonely guys around here, then what is so wrong with sharing tips for dating like this? The guy in the interview didn't say that you must use these tips to fool women into sleeping with you and then ditch them. It seems like some lonely guys might take one or two ideas to maybe get to meet someone and then truly win their heart by revealing a good character underneath.

What's so bad about that?

I disapprove of these tactics being used to obtain casual sex, but I do think they're good ways of beginning to attract the attention of a girl in whom you might be interested.

Here he explains the "neg":

That's perfect, really, as long as it doesn't come off cocky. A guy like that leaves a girl free to take her time deciding whether or not she likes him. Very low pressure. I could flirt a bit, subtly, if I wanted. Or not worry about rejecting him, if I didn't want to pursue anything.

I don't think guys should memorize a list of tactics to use, but the general idea behind this guy's philosophy is that if you're just interesting and relaxed, you needn't do anything special or "make a move" in order to get the attention of the right girl.

Last edited by gwenevyn on 06 Aug 2007, 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, shnrk, shrnk, shnrk.

Our hip-to-waist-ratio has long been expanded...we're the Dino-Aspies women!
We're not looking to be seen as breeding potential! That crap's long gone...

The difficulty for those with AS is just acting casual when you are interested. You have to change how you normally want to act... and it's the start of a game.

You are interested... but you have to maintain an aura that you aren't interested... it's tricky... and not completely honest.

For some reason I find the basic idea of pretending to be what you are not in order to attract someone distasteful in and of itself. I can understand how it works and the basic psychology behind it, but I find the idea of actively trying to utilize this technique repulsive.

Well, I can't see any of this nonsense of any help to ASpie guys. I went through the typical lonely phase, and had a mate even tell me "the girlies give you the eye, but you never pick up on it." I think it's our 'face-blindness' problem that's a major stumbling block. Sure, you can put on a nutter hat to attract attention, but if you have trouble reading people's facial expressions, it's no help. By the way, I've read posts from lady ASpies on this site relating the same problem with men. A potential date has to pretty much state it verbally for us to get the hint.

That's what I'm saying... if I can't attract someone by being myself then it just isn't worth it.

There is something to be said about being comfortable... knowing exactly who you are and just putting it out there with no qualms about it.

That's a trap that a lot of the "nice" guys fall into I think... they change their approach into what they think women want... and it's phoney. Just being yourself is much more attractive...

I think you might be misunderstanding what the "neg" is. It's not a lie. It's merely disclosing information slowly, I think. The guy isn't expressing dislike, he's just doing his best not to be awkward. If anything, he's being more himself, in the example given, than if he'd polished himself up for her sake.

And joking around with a girl isn't feigning disinterest. It's a polite way of conveying the possibility of an interest. Since it isn't an explicit admission (after all, it could very well just be fun interaction between friends), it allows both parties to save face, to have time to think about what they want, and to get to know each other as the attraction builds.

Like I said, I think the guy's motivations are not so hot, and he probably takes things too far. If one calculates too much, he can end up erring on the manipulative side of things.

...but, that said, I think his methods are ones that could put both boy and girl more at ease around each other.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right. I mean, it really shouldn't involve "changing yourself" to suit someone's tastes. I guess you could think of it as being like saying "please" and "thank you"--that doesn't come easily to some people, but the use of those terms can soften others toward the speaker. I don't think that makes it manipulative.

You could make the case that its evolutionarily bad for a women to pick a mate that is lying about his fitness for reproduction. But you could make the case that the ability to
manipulate has major evolutionary advantages to. So a women hooking up with a player might land her a son that will be a player and do a good job of putting her genes into the future.

A couple of thoughts-

1) on all the evolutionary phychology crap- If homo sapiens dies, it will be because we've killed ourselves en masse via environmental catastrophy, not because we've failed on any individual level to reproduce.

While these sorts of observations might- might- have some validity in explaining what people are attracted to and why-

We do have some, if not perfect, control over what we desire, who we chase, and why.


2) on the "neg"-

While the article posted gives some of the most innocuous example possible of this technique, in practice it is not nearly so clean.

In an ideal sense, a neg would just be some indication that one is not tripping over one's feet to get to a certian partner- it would be some action that effectively gives them a bit of space, perhaps makes them think they have to do a bit of chasing to keep things going.

Realistically though- and this guy isn't the only one to have documented the technique- it ranges into subtile, or even severe, attacks on the target's self esteem.

I think in order to do it well, someone would have to have some understanding of how to use it badly. . . and in order to be ok with someone doing it to me, I'd have to be very, very sure they would never, ever use it to hurt anyone.

Seduction, when it comes down to it. . . it used to be my thing. Not anymore.

I don't reccomend it.