From hate to philosphy and still no closer to helping

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Hi guys. I'm sorry for such a long post but I hope for a comment or two. Does anyone agree with me?

And has anyone managed to help someone else close to them?

(blog)

I dislike the fact that I cannot let something drop in my own mind when something gets me. I hate the fact that mum doesn't know who she is, doesn't see past her own facade of bodylanguage, speech and actions. She has limited insight into her own problems, because she does not accept she has any problems. Hence, she does not accept herself. And this is why I hate her.

Hate is a word used for my current state of mind only.

Example 1. Mum talks about nutrition 90% of the time. She cannot see that the majority of the time dad and I are not interested. It might happen for other people, but she has few friends who come to the house (I do not recall any). I can tell her I'm not interested and it does not help but she continues on the monologue.

Example 2. She tends not to automatically adjust the level of her voice for the situation. Normally too loud and it hurts my brain. Actually this is just a pet hate.

Example 3. Tends to grin while being insulted. Laughs things off when someone is pointing out something about herself. But this is repulsive because she is not listening -- her body languague says clearly that she cannot take the truth about herself. The truth is not bad -- whatever it is I'm trying to tell her about herself, it would be better if she might consider it for a long time rather than shrug it off. It is not unkind truths. Even if they were unkind truths, she does not suggest they are unkind or her feelings might be hurt.

Example 4. Becomes terribly unfunctional, stressing over nothing, irratic, memory becomes poor, inferred meanings become lost on her, does not think ahead. All this when she is trying to ready herself for an event (walking the dog, going to work, etc).

Since being on my medication from the good doctor, I have noticed this a lot more. I have noticed that my memory has improved somewhat, and I definitely think things through more, I would go so far as to say my brain power has increased due to being able to think more clearly, without the worries I had before.

For instance, I used to worry before going out. I used to worry before driving the car, etc. I believe these aspects I have gained from mum. Only, after a substantial time thinking, I have come to accept and deal with these problems, and this has lead to a better quality of life, all over, 300% better. Without a doubt.

I could not see my problems about 18 months ago, not as well as I can now. Partially, the problem is not thinking clearly enough to be able to consider the problems you know you have properly, because of the stresses, anxieties. And so hence, one might not seek help for not knowing better.

Something I despise is people not making themselves better. People who do not seek perfection. No, not perfection, to be so anal -- no. But people who could not consider someone else's advice carefully. I'm not saying blindly follow advice, I'm saying consider.

If I can see so clearly someone else's problems, how is it not possible to solve them for them? ... A: Because they have to see it themselves, otherwise their problems will never be solved.

If a society as a whole cannot see they have a problem, they will never change. It may be impossible for them to see their problem if it is inherent (described below). Nations who have been in war torn areas for generations (oh heck, Iraq? Gaza strip?) may never stop fighting. This is one of my main objections to giving aid to war torn areas.

Mum thinks that some people drive too fast. (Some people do drive too fast.) [This lemma applies to everyone, not just my mother.] She cannot see that someone else's brain can do things her's can't. Although this is normal.

This is the same as saying "you cannot imagine another's brain which lacks something inherent to yours", basically because it's difficult to be aware of something you do inherently (such as comprehending visual information with speed). It may be impossible to be aware of how well you do something inherently, because we cannot place ourselves in someone else's head to see the difference in inherent functionality.

No one would suggest that Michael Schumacher was bad at comprehending visual information quickly. One would also expect that Michael Schumacher could drive faster than the average motorist (althought not by much, due to quadratic braking times, I believe) and still brake in time for a child stepping out into the road, probabilistically.

One tends not to remember this when making comments like "that guy was driving too fast". And the opposite is also true: "that guy is driving so slowly!", said Michael Schumacher, pointing to the man in a fast car infront, while mum points to the fast car infront claming he is driving too fast [because she would be unable to drive that fast and remain focused herself, I presume].

So given all this..
How do you help someone see who cannot see?
How do you make someone see who does not want to see?

I'm not sure it's possible. You have to let them work it out, if they can. And they may not.

Hence if someone says something considered towards me, something about myself, e.g. "you make errors when frustrated", I like to consider their comment very carefully and accept it if evidence suggests truth. And then you can do something about it. At the very least, you can let others know you make mistakes when frustrated, and they may be able to suggest helping strategies, or else just give comfort. But things are better when you are open to constructive comments about oneself.

And this is why I despire. Because I despise those who are closed in this way. Thus endith this incredibly long post.

Good points. I think a lot of people shut down when they hear criticism because it shakes up the basis of their self-esteem. It's why most NTs try to offer a criticism indirectly with roundabout statements. It's from a kind intent.

It's also why Aspies seem offensive to NTs with our blunt statements that hit like a rock upside the head. Our way of being kind is to get to the point and solve the problem asap.