Midlife Crisis

Post Reply New Topic

At what age do you consider a midlife crisis to come into effect? Obviously, I'm not in my "midlife" state, as I intend on living a long and purposeful life, *knocks on wood* but what age is considered the crisis age? I continually go through a series of disappointments, being brushed off as the teenage years, that I can only describe as my "midlife crisis"

Oh I don't know, for some it's forty. or forty-five. Others, it's the big five-oh. Some of us just soldier on. Some meltdown. Some go buy sportscars, and start flirting with younger members of the opposite sex. I've heard some NT twentysomethings moaning and groaning, so it might be hitting younger folks these days ...

It's obviously subjective. In general, when you're young, you have the luxury of an undetermined future. It's still possible that you will grow up to be famous or rich, or whatever it is you're after. With each passing day, however, your future becomes more and more confined and definite. The job you got washing dishes to support your music career slowly becomes your de facto career. Your options give way to your reality, and your dreams go unrealized.

The awareness of this situation usually goes unnoticed until some precipitating event causes you to step back and look at your life. Perhaps a parent dies, you get divorced, or maybe someone just says something which leads to a runaway train of thought. Something makes you feel bad, and feeling bad makes you ruminate. What happened to my life?

This can occur at any time, but most people aren't that introspective until they're older, and most young people have a long future ahead of them. When you're 47, however, it is indeed unlikely that your life is going to change in an appreciable way. Your youth is gone, and your future is getting shorter. The combination of regret over missed or failed accomplishments, and the realization that time is running out make for a powerful motivation to seize the day and reclaim elements of a life forgotten and neglected.

It's really kind of a false panic over idealized/romanticized situations, though. Dreams that failed to materialize during your youth were probably implausible anyway, and 47 isn't much different than 42. Still, you only get one life, and it's easy to coast through it procrastinating.

Crisis, what crisis?

Aged 39 I walked out on my wife because I finally realized that things would never work out between us and I haven't seen her since. I view this as the best way to handle the situation because the alternative (an axe between her eyes) would have got blood all over the walls I had just painted.

Aged 45 I relocated over 1200 miles to live with someone I'd only met half a dozen times. I know this was the right call because before I flew out we had exchanged nearly two thousand emails. Nearly six years later we're still together and we're having fun.

Some guys buy a Harley, some buy a sportscar, others end up dating young blondes half their age. Good luck to them. Others like me look around and decide that things need to change. I don't view this as a crisis (midlife or otherwise), just a calm assessment of life and what you have achieved so far.

Ed Almos

I don't think mid-life crisis is defined by age as much as an event, loss of a spouse, loss of a job, that sort of thing. It's when, near life's midpoint, one has an "OMG, what have I been doing with my life?!" moment. It can lead to depression, or it can be an epiphany that opens up a new direction.

Maybe it's my over-analytical streak and general AS "otherness" but I've been thinking "WTF am I doing?" ever since Uni. I don't believe that money and suburban one-upmanship are everything and that puts me in the minority here in the UK. Modern life doesn't suit me very well. Plus I'm feeling the pressure as I've been diabetic since age 5 and I know my clock is ticking.... There is a constant temptation to stick two fingers in the air and bugger off, because quite frankly most jobs aren't worth the hassle IMHO, or at least not when I am single. It's easier to behave and keep my head down when I'm doing it for someone else.

"Midlife Crisis" was a bloody good Faith No More song, though.

That's basically how I see it...one day I just caught myself saying "enough already"....and I've been saying it more often lately ever since I turned 40 this year..."reality check here"...I'm not getting younger, I'm getting less patient and more pi$$ed off.

Mid-life crisis I think happens when people get tired of being a doormat, or sucking it all in so they don't offend anyone, or just existing...and you start being un-predictable for a change, making changes and enjoying life...the life you want...not the life someone wants you to live.

More like an awakening...wish it could have came 10 years sooner.

I am 27 and sometimes I feel like I'm in a mid-life crisis. But I am working on being more youthful, though.

Tim

Yes, that's what I experienced at about 35, the "OMG, what have I been doing with my life?!" question, followed by a period of shattering depression. Then gradual reconstruction as someone entirely new. It was a positive thing really, although at the time I didn't see it that way, it seemed like I was wandering about completely lost, stuck in Hades. But it had to happen, the breaking down the old to make way for the new. I discovered Jung and it was like someone switched a light on for me! I grabbed onto his coat-tails and gradually began to climb out of my black hole. That was when life's journey really started for me. I wasn't going to write all that...oh well, that's how it was, so I'll leave it.

...lost & found follow one another.

You can't be found until you're lost? Oh, I've never thought about it that way, but yes, I see what you mean.

I think mine started when i was about 37. I was undxed at the time and had had a hell of a life, trouble keeping jobs, lack of social networks. so i cracked up, that's what led me to seeking a dx. it couldn't be that i was just 'unusual' or a 'creative' type (that was what i told myself) there had to be some problem.

I think it may depend on how realistically you see yourself or your situation. People who have a fairly true view of these things may be able to avoid it. It's a period when life forces change upon you, it was very painful, but i'm much better now!

Damn straight! And Angel Dust is one of my most favorite albums!

It's interesting seeing others write about this, though I never really thought of my experience as what's termed a midlife crisis, as when I found myself in this situation I was younger than the "qualifying" age. Life seems to cross thresholds at certain points; from one equilibrium to another. When I got the AS dx, that was a threshold point, completely changing how I viewed the world, and what I perceived I could get from it. Of course, it took a few years to settle down into the new way of thinking, and if there was a crisis, then that time of mental turmoil, as the new paradigm for existence was formed in my mind, was it. Other events at the time influenced that, too, although I think the AS dx was a critical part.

Interestingly, though the optimism of youth has died, to be replaced with cynicism and a general scorn for humanity as a whole, there is a reassurance in things as they now are. There's a greater awareness of the ephemeral nature of both life and good health, which means I concentrate more on now, than a future that may never be. There's a knowledge that I've had opportunities many others with AS will never have, and that I've tried my best to capitalise on them. Although I may have failed in certain key ventures, there's contentment in that the failure was not, as a whole, through lack of effort on my part. I feel that I've had my main chances in life, given it my best, and have not the energy for another round. This means that although there's now a recognition that death is closer to hand that there is less to be feared from it. Not that I'm in any particular hurry to shuffle off this mortal coil, as it were, as I still enjoy life.

And I'm not even fourty, yet.

Anyway, people change as they age and that seems to often be more incremental, rather than gradual; I hate to think what I'll be like if I ever get to sixty. This all reminds me of a poem I read, though I realise you dislike such nonsense, Postperson, you'll have to indulge me.

Four Seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of man:
He has his lusty Spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his Summer, when luxuriously
Spring's honied cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves
His soul has in its Autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contented so to look
On mists in idleness--to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook.
He has his Winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forego his mortal nature

I've always enjoyed your posts Ascan, you should post more often, it's just that i get a bit dyslexic when it comes to poetry, the words just swim all over the page.

"There's a greater awareness of the ephemeral nature of both life and good health, which means I concentrate more on now"

mm someone I know died recently, she was 68, so the whole mortality stuff has been on my mind. I used to be more blase about that stuff, I know lots of people who've died and it doesn't afffect me, but eh I guess i'm getting closer...still I wouldn't want to live to be tooooo old. I'm 50 now. I've always wanted to be dead, but it's the last stretch just before getting dead that's a worry.

Good of you to say, Postperson. Thanks. You know, I must have been feeling rather "emo", as they say, to be coming out with that type of post last night. I did wake up in a cold sweat this morning, having to quickly recall exactly what I did write. The poetry thing isn't everyones cup of tea, either. I never used to understand the stuff, then started reading some more carefully and enjoying it a few years back.


Indeed, death can seem quite liberating at times, however it's the getting to it from here that's the ugly part. I certainly don't want to hang on longer than necessary either. The thought of being fed and bathed in some home fills me with dread. It's strange that our society often treats animals better than humans in many respects; once I get to that stage they can take me out the back yard and put a bullet in my head.

And always nice to see you about, too!