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DamnedSmith
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Joined: 25 Oct 2023
Age: 46
Gender: Male
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Location: Florida

25 Oct 2023, 5:36 am

Hello. I don't know where to start.

I'm 46, haven't been properly diagnosed, but I, my therapist, my late fiance, and apparently someone from my school, when I was young, are/were fairly certain I have ASD.

I didn't have a great early childhood, and I check off several boxes leading people smarter than I to believe I was molested as a kid.

I'm also bi, though I hate to admit it.

Etc., etc.

I don't know what to do. I have no friends, am barely getting by, and am really depressed.

The only groups not for parents I found either didn't answer or said they were for younger people, as if that matters.

Any recommendations? Were it not for cats and cowardice, I would no longer be here.

Thank you in advance.



Mountain Goat
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25 Oct 2023, 6:14 am

Welcome. May take a while for others to reply.

I knkw the difficulties in making good genuine friends. I have found a few in my life and they average one a decade. Most people I get on with but don't seem to get close enough to have them want to hang out if that is the word to use. In fact, is so rare for me that most of mylife I have done my own thing.
But I have found real friends online. Two since I joined this site.


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Last edited by Mountain Goat on Febuary 31st, 2026, 12:42 am, edited 126 time in total.


ASPartOfMe
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25 Oct 2023, 7:57 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I wish it were under better circumstances.

In general older males do not many if any friends because with and families. Autism makes it harder.

We have plenty of undiagnosed people and older adults here. So you will probably find people that have similar interests as you and similar problems as yours, so that could be start.


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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


MatchboxVagabond
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21 Nov 2023, 10:28 pm

Hi and welcome.

I was personally blessed to have a friend. Now that I know that I'm almost certainly autistic, not that mental health providers seem to agree, I've been able to make a few acquaintances that I can relate to. Over time, some of them will likely become friends, but up until recently that was one friend and 0 people that I felt any particular connection to.

I just signed up here and I found a local meetup of other auDHD folks and at this point, it's pretty clear that I'm not faking it, autism is a legitimate part of who I am and what makes me me.

As for the bi thing, I refuse to be ashamed of it. I keep it on the down low around my in-laws purely because it's not worth the fight, but I love my wife, even if she's in the stone age on that particular issue.



BTDT
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22 Nov 2023, 12:58 am

Yes, I also agree that you shouldn't be ashamed of being bi.

I'm not ashamed of being transgender. I present female when I go out in public.
I know someone at where I used to work before I retired that has been doxxed but she doesn't care.
It is their problem not her's! :o

Some days I don't do a whole lot. I figured out what to do about health care for the next year and that was pretty hard on me, so I figure I deserve a day or two off from doing something useful. What is the good of being retired if you have to do something useful every day? :D



MatchboxVagabond
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22 Nov 2023, 8:05 am

BTDT wrote:
Yes, I also agree that you shouldn't be ashamed of being bi.

I'm not ashamed of being transgender. I present female when I go out in public.
I know someone at where I used to work before I retired that has been doxxed but she doesn't care.
It is their problem not her's! :o

Some days I don't do a whole lot. I figured out what to do about health care for the next year and that was pretty hard on me, so I figure I deserve a day or two off from doing something useful. What is the good of being retired if you have to do something useful every day? :D

Absolutely, those are both dimensions of a person. On a side note, I wish people would go back to referring to bi, gay and lesbian as being sexual orientation, these are just one dimension of sexuality, not the entire thing. There are going to be people that are tolerant of that, but not OK with things like a person's kinks and the other way around.



David1346
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07 Jan 2024, 1:02 am

I was 59 when I was first diagnosed. I too have no friends, though this has been by choice and not for want of trying. Since I find interacting with others including with those whom I actually like, it's easier for me to not socialize unless I absolutely have to. It helps that by nature I'm a reclusive introvert and prefer to be alone (with my cats) instead of hanging out with friends or work colleagues.

DamnedSmith wrote:
I don't know what to do.


To use the Socratic method, what do you WANT to do? It will help if you make goals for yourself. I would suggest making a list of realistic goals.

Example of a realistic goal: I want to make friends.

Example of an unrealistic goal: I want to become an astronaut. Given your age, this would not be a realistic option.

DamnedSmith wrote:
I have no friends.


I have found that the people most likely to become your friends are people with whom you have something in common. There are lots of ways to meet people.

Go to Church or the religious place of your choice (assuming you are a believer).

Join a volunteer group. Work at a soup kitchen to feed the homeless. Join a food bank. I've done both. I was also a volunteer with a local fire company.

Most pet shelters like having volunteers.

You could also find a social group to join via Meetup. Google this organization. It will ask you to enter your zip code. Once you do so, a list of groups in your area will be generated.

In my area there are groups for the following: dinner and a movie, board games, aerobics, yoga, baking (for women only), and day trips to name but a few.

You could also join a dating website. This will allow you to look at profiles and to find someone whose interests match your own.

DamnedSmith wrote:
I am really depressed.


I would say, find a therapist but from what you've said, you're already seeing a therapist.

You COULD see a psychiatrist to get a prescription for medication. I've been medicated before. This was many years ago (before I learned that I was autistic). I was working in a high stress environment and the medication really helped.



AnnaTheSquirrel
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Joined: 26 Jan 2024
Age: 52
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Location: the Netherlands

10 Feb 2024, 8:31 am

DamnedSmith wrote:
Hello. I don't know where to start.


Hey, how are you doing in the new year?

My diagnosis and the subsequent psycho-education about ASS put my childhood in all different perspectives. This was intense, lots of grief also, for the kid I was and for the person I never got to be.

Now it's all nice and peaceful, two years after diagnosis. I have the trait that I can stand/endure anything that I understand. Do you recognize this for yourself? If so, self education about all this stuff is not very helpful. Because we have some solid blind spots and really need someone to explain things to us in a way we understand.

It was a delight to talk to a professional who "speaks auti"! I highly recommend.
I hope you're OK