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Ecomatt91
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11 Feb 2017, 10:14 pm

The Pessimistic Aspie: How to Change a Bad Attitude
Link: http://www.adultaspergerschat.com/2013/ ... e-bad.html

I am quite guilty of having these attitudes but it is full of challenges and obstacles to avoid them. Sometimes I feel more guilty of lying to people that I am being happy when I am actually not because the quote saying that should be avoided 'I wish people understand me' is quite biased and seen as negative from able bodied society.

Quote:
Catastrophizing: You automatically anticipate the worst. The drive-through coffee shop gets your order wrong and you automatically think that the rest of your day will be a disaster.
Filtering: You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter-out all of the positive ones. For example, say you had a great day at work. You completed your tasks ahead of time and were complimented for doing a speedy and thorough job. But you forgot one minor step. That evening, you focus only on your oversight and forget about the compliments you received.
Personalizing: When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. For example, you hear that an evening out with friends is canceled, and you assume that the change in plans is because no one wanted to be around you.
Polarizing: You see things only as either good or bad, black or white. There is no middle ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or that you're a total failure.


I know these four big words in my life because of 8 years experience with counseling and seeing psychologists. For me its too difficult to avoid those four scenarios because I am still experiencing oppression. Why I have to pretend of being happy and nothing is wrong when actually I am experiencing it is true? It sounds like making a fool of myself. I hate quotes like 'Be patient, she will come', 'Everything is totally fine' and related quotes. It enrages me because in reality the problems is still there. I am still being assumed and biased by people thoughts and reactions towards me.

I am quite surprised with 8 years of counseling figuring out what is going on hasn't changed my life at all. I only myself did changed my life like for example got the job, apartment, car, two uni degrees, traveling and friends. The only difficulties from 20 year old myself 6 years ago these challenges still happening today. Why I am still single? Why I am still a virgin? Of course, it those four big words above mentioned. I felt like being optimistic towards my ill thought of being Pessimistic. I am totally confused now, because it sound like I have to blame my behaviour, since its out of my control. That is being Autistic.

On mental health side of world, people experiencing anxiety and depression always have to make sure they are healthy and safe themselves before people blaming for their behaviour. This seems like oppression from privileged people who doesn't experience similar problems like all of us.



noumenon
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12 Feb 2017, 6:22 am

It is only a bad thing if you let it become a bad thing, there are plenty of ways to use it to your advantage in positive non-desctructive ways to live a fulfilling life as long as you think outside the box. Pessimism and Cynicism have gotten a really bad rep over the centuries, my guess is it happened that way by design. Do you ever read any Schopenhauer? There are many people that probably wouldn't agree with him from their own lack of experience and empathy but I doubt many people would honestly dare call him a fool for thinking the way he did. Study philosophical pessimism and you will see it is not as bad as people want to make it out to be, you may even find strength and enlightenment from it.


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ASPartOfMe
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12 Feb 2017, 10:09 am

Pessimism and cynicism are survival tools. Autistics are often taken advantage of. Many autistics are not stupid and after a time they will figure out they are being taken advantage of but this often does not happen until after the fact. A percentage of us overcompensate and become so pessimistic and cynical we are on constant hyper alert trying to figure out the nefarious intent of others. This era with numerous internet conspiracy theories is generally not helpful but it can make us see a truth most can not see but at great cost to ourselves.

I am better but far from perfect. Experience, not any therapies, not people telling me stop being so negative did it. The worst that I expected did not happen often.

The line between not being too pessimistic and not too optimistic is a hard thing to figure out.


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starkid
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12 Feb 2017, 9:35 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
On mental health side of world, people experiencing anxiety and depression always have to make sure they are healthy and safe themselves before people blaming for their behaviour. This seems like oppression from privileged people who doesn't experience similar problems like all of us.

Blaming is nothing more than thoughts and words; it is not oppression. Oppression is constituted by serious actions like deprivation of life, limb, and liberty.


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Chummy
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14 Feb 2017, 4:43 pm

There are Pessimistic

There are the Optimistic

And there's me: the Realistic


I find that being practical mostly is best, but it's not an all or nothing approach, there are grey zones.