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Onibunny
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05 May 2008, 11:51 pm

Hello!
I need everyones help PLEASE!! ! :cry: :cry: :cry:
I am very concerned I will lose my relationship because of my inability to organize and keep things clean.
I am OCD about little things like conflicting smells or where I think something should be, but I've never been a clean freak or "germaphobe".
I love my boyfriend, and he is a neat freak, clean freak, organized and wants me to be not as dedicated as he is, but at least in his terms "normal".
I know I could easily be a hoarder if given the opportunity, and my ever growing list of hobbies and interests doesn't help.
I love things developed to organize. I love storage containers, and vacuum bags, I even love cleaning products and how things look when cleaned. However, i don't think cleanliness is important. I like the moment and the like. I understand that being organized is supposed to make me more productive or happier somehow. That's what i am told anyway.
So in a bid to compromise with my loved one I need your help, fellow "aspie's" can I create an obsession with organization?
PLEASE HELP ME.



MR_BOGAN
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06 May 2008, 1:01 am

I'm a really disorganised person. What works for me is to write things down on paper of what I need to do for the day, etc..

I just follow what I have written down and that makes life easier for me.


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kip
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06 May 2008, 1:14 am

Tell your BF everything you just told us, and ask him to *gently!* remind you when something looks a bit out of hand for him.

It sounds like your parents had the same mentality as you, 'messes can be cleaned. LATER.'

2 completely different worlds are colliding here! :P

My ex was a neat freak from he-double hockey sticks. His mum was a very traditional asian woman, and I swear I have never seen a cleaner room than her apartment. And that includes science labs O.O

If you can get him to help you learn, maybe you can get into the habit of at least being... neater. I think clean-freak is genetic though. Try breaking down chores too. Like, if you cannot STAND a dirty bathroom, take over that.



Jainaday
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06 May 2008, 3:22 am

http://www.flylady.net/

I know some people who swear by the fly lady system.

Personally, I have a constant tension between my system of cleanliness--which consists largely of owning few enough things that the mess stays small--and my desire to continuously accumulate books, movies, music, and musical instruments.


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Numanoid
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06 May 2008, 10:07 pm

I think that the most important thing here is to gain perspective and adjust accordingly.
First of all, is your boyfriend really a "neat freak" or just normal in terms of his expectations? Most normal people want a clean bathroom and a clean kitchen, and don't want disgusting things laying about such as used dishes, uneaten food, etc. but don't mind some clutter (especially daily use clutter). As an Aspie, you have to ask yourself if you have a realistic view of the situation. It might help you to ask the opinion of friends and coworkers.
If indeed his demands are reasonable according to others, then you need to explain to him that you need to improve, but you'll need his help.
If you conclude that he is indeed a "neat freak", then you need to adjust, but so does he. Being too "anal" about things is also dysfunctional and he needs to get over it (to the best of his ability anyway).
In terms of being clean and organized, it helps me to take care of things on the spot; ex: wash any dishes you use and put them away immediately after use, similarly put things in a specified place immediately after use, essentially pick-up as you go so it doesn't become a major project later.
In terms of collecting things, I'm a collector too so I understand. About five years ago, I decided to keep only those things that I need, use, or enjoy. Since then I've thinned-out my possessions, made a few bucks off ebay, and made my life somewhat more simple whilst keeping (and carefully accumulating) the things I like. However, I'm not quite there yet and am still learning how to temper my collecting habit. Nothing is ever perfect, but things can be better...