Loneliness at the end

Post Reply New Topic

This is a tough thing to say. So I don’t know where to post it exactly. I use to post in some sites for and of autistic people, and in sites of people believing to be “normal”. Do they really exist, normal people? What is “normal”? and is it good to be normal in an abnormal horrible society?
Well this is the problem: would it be better to push disables off the cliff, rather than having them taken care of by mercenaries (paid nurses), or by the “next of kin” whose only desire is that the old and disabled people terminate their life the sooner the better. I think I lived all my life without love, though I have always desperately wanted love, meaningful love, not fulfillment of a duty. I had in my life taken care of persons I didn’t love at all. It’s awful. I have seen nurses making their chores with absolute cynicism. What scares me is the idea of having before me in my last conscious moments a face contriving a faked grief, a faked compassion, a faked sympathy.
Dr. Gachet (Artaud “Van Gogh le suicidé de la societé”) .
I want to assure that, at the best of my knowledge I am not sick, though certainly old.

I don't know how lonely I will be when I'm old. My main fears about being elderly are losing my eyesight (and thus my ability to read) and being placed in an institutionalized setting (lack of privacy, florescent lights... etc....). And obviously I don't want to be a burden or nuisance to my children.

I'm hoping that I'll care less and less about loneliness as I grow older. I seem to care less now than when I was a teenager or in my 20s. Maybe by the time I'm 70, I really will be prepared to be a hermit.

As I watch my father (who I think is AS) age, he seems to be getting calmer, as far as meltdowns go, but also sadder.

I'd only panic if my internet went away.

That I have to agree with, it would be like losing a family member... when not working I really miss it how sad is that so aspie community I really need my new found extended family

Hi Paolo ..
Quote "faked grief, a faked compassion, a faked sympathy".
As I get older I am calmer and more excepting of who I am, feel a lot to do with understanding...
I have often felt like you in the fact that my emotions, situations are fake... but feel this has a lot to do with having to be what we are not, play the part to make others feel at ease... as I get older maybe more eccentric, allowing myself to be who I have truly found I am... in part it has isolated me, and mostly the NT world have backed off... but I feel less fake. Society I feel creates our isolation, as they would prefer we conform rather than except us for who we are...

Paolo
Quote:"desperately wanted love, meaningful love, not fulfillment of a duty"
I feel like this and always have to a point, but think this is due to the fact that I have always wanted what will never be available to me, an imagine of what NTs experience, I never knew what to expect or look for in life up until now and to be very honest a lot of my life I have felt extremely sad and lonely, confused lost like so many of us. But at last with finding aspergers I am beginning to enjoy, and find my true identity, I am happy when allowed to be in my own space, but still find the majority of the world an unforgiving place!

I have become more isolated as I've aged. I no longer work or study which was a source of social contact for me. No kids, no near family. I quite expect to get cancer as it's in the gene pool and it usally involves a hospital death. Both my parents went that way....so fingers crossed I won't end up dying and not being found for a long time.

I have two dogs but I should outlive them hopefully. It's bit of a worry this dying alone and who will look after my pets thing. I think that's the main reason people keep in contact with others, to be seen doing the same thing at the same time by other locals, whether you eat at a cafe or deliver junk mail, it can be a useful thing to do, that people know your habits, volunteering too, that's a way of being seen. We have 'senior citizens' clubs in Australia, it's bingo and cheap meals sort of thing. I used to volunteer at one. It can be a good idea to attend one regularly when you're aging and alone, at least that way people will notice if you don't turn up and make some enquiries about you. Death is frequent there, they're always going to funerals, so it's a bit like a club for people who expect to die.

I haven't made a will yet as I find it hard to think of anyone I'd want to leave money to (you know how people treat you when you're an undx'ed aspie, ugh). I will be using the public trustee as executor.

If it's any consolation to any other loners out there who worry about aging, I've known plenty of people with adult children who die alone. It's no guarantee that you will be 'looked after' or helped in your old age.

It's been a wierd week in my little town, a suicide (he shot himself in the garage - his brother found him) and a couple of other deaths.

Well, non-autistic old people have the same problem. Some rot at home, can't walk and can't hear or see right anymore and no relative and friend comes to them. Nobody ever dares to talk about any old people that no can longer participate in society on the same conditions as younger people.

If you walk an old lady out who's over 90 years old and sitting in a wheelchair most of the time, even the mothers with their children in push chairs get annoyed by the 'lack of space' (not taking notice that a stupid pushchair is a total waste of space as well, if anyone wants to say that vehicles that help people are a 'waste').

I feel the same. I even requested Voc Rehab to euthanize me and they wouldn't. I'm physically disabled, have a painful autoimmune illness, am lonely most of the time, hate society and feel useless to this world, so I think euthanasia should be an option if the disabled request it.

All are very good comments here, mine just got lost - I'm trying agn. 'Tru' and 'Apatura' quickly struck me as so succinct and beautiful, tho I shouldn't single any out.

I'm not even sure why we get up in the morning, to me the end wld be with failing eyesight or going ga-ga. then its a rubber tube with the engine running. I've no relatives, nowt.

If or when I ever didn't value the Beethoven late string quartets, my garden, landscape, nature - then perhaps its finis.

Last edited by ablomov on 05 Aug 2008, 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. - James F. Byrnes

This may very well apply to younger people, those who (might) still have (some or many) opportunities in life ahead of them. For venerable people this is different. They are for 99 per cent their past. They can truly speak about their life or maybe even Life in general because they know they have almost seen it until the end.

I think this also applies to older people, as they can get set in there ways, the safe security blanket... invent there own solitude. Opportunities will always come and go for all of us, life is a journey of growth.

I don’t fear death. I fear the gravity and finality of that moment enough to prevent me from wanting to commit suicide but I don’t really fear the nothingness that follows it. I did when I was a child but depression has since sucked the love of life out of me. Now I only fear loneliness. It shakes me with a cold fist of dread. Sorry to be so gloomy. I don’t know why I even read this thread. This topic really hurts me now. I'm only 28 so I don't know why it should.

At fifty luckily I am married, have been for thirty years. Shes okay. I wonder how I'd write this thirty forty years from now?

I have never acknowledged or admitted to the word loneliness, isolated (very) perhaps. Loneliness only ever comes to me when I am among other people. At seven I was already cut off verbally from others and suffering deeply - my blog expands on this. For a few seconds if you saw me you'd think I'm okay, yet self diag aspi that I am I have my weaknesses and sensitivities.

'Robinson Crusoe' was a book that always struck with me.

Marsalll at 28 you have my greatest sympathy, I wish you didn't feel that way.

I'll take whatever comes and when, as long as theres no pain. Its a quite simple fact !/we could be dead here for six months, no-one would know - apart from the smell.

LUCKILY I have the greatest good fortune in that I am 'interested' in things and pursue and study as I wish. So my world is very much alive. To be without this spark must be hell.