Internalized thought process= isolation?

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The first several times this happened, I chalked it up to being the other person's fault. I am now starting to think that hearing the same complaint over and over again might indicate that yes, the problem is me.

My partners (and sometimes friends, chidlren, co-wrokers) tell me that they don't know what I'm thinking, or that I won't talk to them, that I'm being secretive, or not sharing my feelings or thoughts, etc. My thought process is so active, shifting, colorful, visual, three dimensional, and often reflective of prior memories or sensory experiences, that I don't know how to adequately communicate what I am thinking and feeling.

It seems to me as though I am looking at a very colorful painting or jigsaw puzzle and a person is asking me what one color I see...and I see so many, that I don't know what to say, until the other party throws up their hands in frustration. The mere question, "What are you thinking?" distorts and corrupts whatever I was previously thinking about, but also, most people really don't want to know what I'm actually thinking. If I take the time to tell them they either get upset with me or have some other unpleasant or confused reaction.

Also, I have a continual running dialogue going, so I fail to notice that hours may have gone by without my speaking more than a sentence or two. I'm not mad or cold, I simply don't realize that I haven't spoken!

The result of this is that my partner feels unloved, taken for granted, unappreciated, and ignored, I feel at a loss as to how to remedy the problem and defensive. I frequently feel as though I will not be able to be intensely close with anyone, and maybe this is why.

Well, now you know the problem. How to solve? How to solve so partner doesn't feel so alone.
When someone asks you what you're thinking, they probably don't want the whole panorama of what is going on (which by the way is my experience also) but you could resolve to pick one color and then ask what the asker thinks about it and start a conversation instead of trying so hard to fully answer the question.
If the person is asking you because they are feeling lonely, your best bet is to try at that moment to make them feel less lonely. So change the topic without telling them you are changing the topic. With a child or wife say something like, "Right now, I am thinking how blessed I am to have you in my life." and then hug them. With a friend say, "Oh, my brain just wandered away. Thanks for calling it back. So..." and then ask them a question that relates to what is going on.
You would make your children happy by saying, "I am trying to think of what I could do with you that would make you happy. What do you want to do?" Of course, then you have to do something they suggest.
Most people take the question, "What are you thinking?" as an invitation to engage. They answer something silly or they recognize the other person is really asking, When are you ever going to notice that I'm alive? Most people need a lot more engagement than you or I need. Out of courtesy or love or at least a desire to get along, we need to give people at least some of the attention they crave.

Yeah, I try to do those things. The problem with my fiance seems to be that I go hours without speakign much and I don't even realize it until he gets upset. I think a whole lot while we're together, forgetting that my mouth hasn't moved.

And that's another thing. I can never seem to articulate myself very well verbally. My voice is so clumsy and dorky feeling/sounding, and people tend to interrupt me a lot.

Has your fiance read much on WrongPlanet or on Aspires? He needs an education also.

i'm very much like that. 94.3% of my conversations are with myself.

In our little family we all have great need for alone time. The only time we are all together or likely to be is at the dinner table. But for the most part we are all seperately doing something on our own and by ourselves. It all works in an odd way, we are alone and together. The four of us each have a computer networked. Sometimes it's easier talking to each other via the network, and it sure saves yelling across the house.

I have an easier time communicating in writing than I do verbally. Also I tend to be very straight forward verbally. My daughter can come off as cold and rude. She is sensitive to tone and quality of voices, so the spoken word is the least likely effective form of communication for her. At least as far as input.

I understand too about the visual thinnking and the running dialogue as I replay and develop things that way too. I also understand well that a question isn't always looking for the literal answer. I have been on both sides of that, sometimes having to rephrase either the answer or the question.

You might just try having this conversation or explain it just as you did to us. Maybe that would be very helpful

I also have a constant running inner dialogue and do not talk much about my inner feelings, but no one has ever complained about me being too quiet. I think it's because it makes me a good listener.

In my experience intimate relationships and an obligation to an inner world (autism) don't go together very well.

I would try to put my all into a relationship (be normal) but my inner world would always screw things up and pull me back like a jealous lover (no cure for autism).

Faced with deciding which is more important, I always chose the work I was doing in my inner world. Someone who wants to fall in love with you doesn't like hearing that your own internal fantasy is always going to be more important to you than they are.

It's kind of looking for love in all the wrong places anyway. I know the love I lack is within me and that even if I could make a normal relationship work, it would still leave me unsatisfied and unfulfilled in the end.

To be honest I'm still not quite sure what love is or if I've ever truly experienced it in this world. I do know this though... I'm a square peg in a world of round holes, trying to pound a square peg into a round hole for the sake of someone else's happiness or thinking it will make me happy is just wrong.

I am constantly living in my head. It seems like that is where my world is as appossed to the NT one. I can't seem to pass up any opportunity to annaylyze any thought or situation I'm in. And I do often try to figure how to do something better, quicker and with less effort

I have often been accused of staring, but am actually lost in thought and don't realise it. I'm out of tune with the world around me until I snap out of it or realise someone is upset bcause I don't know I'm staring. I am merely working something out in my head.

I know both my hubby and I need serious down time. He's ADD and I've got some anxiety with PA disorder plus the intuitive Aspergers. I am constantly praying my baby has skipped the genes that bring about these disorders.

Does anyone here constantly talk to themselves?

Yes, it happens to me all the time.. the seeing the subject at hand from multiple angles and each angle from multiple points of view and each with multiple reference points ... and coming to a conclusion that is then impossible for me to explain to others because its just SO much data that is covered. And if you try, people just interrupt you after a sentence wondering what the heck you talking about.

happens with everything.. with work, cooking, deciding what to wear, washing the dishes.


so i've learned to not try to explain myself. 'Just trust me on this' its like a catch-phrase for me (lol!)

Wow! So refreshing to know I'm not alone! The whole running internal dialogue thing is like, the story of my life, especially in public place like the supermarket. Often I'll be shuffling down the aisle and will receive a greeting from a passing employee, but when I open my mouth to respond, nothing comes out! I have to swallow some saliva to get my vocal cords working again. I'm so busy with my thoughts that my speech organs go into hibernation or something.
My first serious girlfriend remarked that talking to me was, "like pulling teeth." She was right. Conversation is very awkward and difficult for me.

"You didn't tell me that!"

"Yes I did"

"You have conversations with yourself, and you don't even notice the difference"

And so forth...

^^^I often think I've discussed something with someone and I haven't, I've had an imagined dialogue with another person in my mind but the words have not actually been spoken. That has caused problems in the past - 'I told you that already'...but no, I just thought it Or a strange feling of deja vu when whatever it is is actually said.

I identify with a lot that has been written here. I didn't know if it was an AS thing, or maybe an introvert, (INFJ) type of functioning, - it is so hard to pin thoughts/feelings down to words and sentences - like pinning a butterfly to a board!

Maybe it would help to have a regular time that you set aside for communicating, catching up with partner/friends? Whatever else I do during the day, I spend some time with my husband in the evening, otherwise he feels like I don't want to be bothered with him. I do, but I'm just not very good at communicating that.

my bf makes it a point to call me every night, and even if i find it to be sometimes unnecessary because i don't go out, do not have friends, stay in my room all day and meet him only on weekends because he works, therefore nothing much happens for me to talk about. i've told him it's ok to call me less often, but he's explained it to me this way:

since i am so hard to read (i.e. lack of body language, inappropriate facial expressions), he has to 'extract' verbal clues from me as a sort of 'pulse', as sometimes due to my internal ramblings i get super paranoid, or if i'd forgotten to tell him any incident that had vexed me (i find sharing emotions rather tiresome, but now am beginning to see the merits of it). so it doesn't matter if all i talk about is my knitting or anime or whatever's gotten my attention for that day, he's more than happy to listen to me talk, if only to know that i'm okay.

on my end, i try my best to talk each time he calls, be it for 5 minutes, or an hour. i am lucky to have such a patient, caring and understanding boyfriend, and i think it's not too much to ask or do to try and reach out (?) and let him know i'm ok. even if it means taking half an hour to explain to him why i hadn't spoken much the previous night except say "i'm angry", which he understands as: i must take more time to process the dialogues and arguments in my head before i can put them into communicable/comprehensible sentences. he would rather i take the time than bang my head against the wall in frustration for not being able to speak.

i have become more animated in turn, and discovered that i -do- enjoy talking to someone who values my output no matter how boring and repetitive it may be. my brothers have similarly noted that i am more receptive toward their attempts at communicating with me, thus bringing us closer.

I know what you mean. There’s no way I can easily tell someone what’s going on inside my head. Sometimes I’ll do things like stare at the wrinkles in the tablecloth and pretend I’m looking at a vast mountain range on another planet. Or I’ll play “racetrack” with the wood patterns on the wall. I’ll just follow the lines around and around with my eye. Sometimes I find these little internal activities more exciting than talking to people. People are so boring. I’m sure 99% don’t want to know what’s going on inside my head and if I attempted to tell them they’d think I was insane.