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paolo
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21 Sep 2008, 2:11 am

When you have an intimate relationship (even without sex it may be
intimate) you have had for some time access to the territory of the
other. Access to territory means that you know most of the other's
secrets, dramatic facts and minutiae of life history. To close all of
a sudden or even progressively access to all this material belongs to
high surgery and leaves scars. "We will remain friends" is big lie. You
don't remain friends with a person whose nevi under the navel you have
known and touched. Sad? a little perhaps.


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Belfast
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21 Sep 2008, 3:18 am

Deleted: accidental double posting.


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Belfast
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21 Sep 2008, 3:18 am

paolo wrote:
When you have an intimate relationship (even without sex it may be
intimate) you have had for some time access to the territory of the
other. Access to territory means that you know most of the other's
secrets, dramatic facts and minutiae of life history. To close all of
a sudden or even progressively access to all this material belongs to
high surgery and leaves scars. "We will remain friends" is big lie.

Well, yes & no.

Can be excruciatingly painful, with sense of abandonment, exclusion, and rejection. Knowing another & being known, and then one day things change (or get changed on one)-the abruptness can be brutal, but it wouldn't necessarily be any less hurtful were it to occur in slow-motion, resulting effect (outcome) is the same.

Door that had been open for years suddenly being shut, a function (mental path) one had learned (connection to the specific individual other) after constant repetitive study & practice suddenly having to be re-routed or shut down. Like a road with a "detour" sign, except this route is permanently "out of order" and will not be repaired-instead one has to start over from scratch, find new trail to blaze, begin a brand-new road.

Have remained friends, on authentic good terms, with some foks with whom I've been involved-it's not impossible in all cases (but neither is it possible nor desirable in all cases)-it depends on the particulars of both parties in the "post-intimacy" situation.


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