How to tell my parents I'm an Aspie

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I've only recently learned that I am an Aspie. It seems as if an entirely new world, a new way of thinking and looking at myself, has opened rapidly and I'm kind of overwhelmed by all the information.

In a way, I welcome the new information because it explains so many things about my life that have been very difficult or at least very confusing.

Here's the problem. I am wondering how to tell my parents that I am an Aspie. I'm 45 years old and my parents are retired.

I don't want to hurt their feelings or cause them undue stress or worry. Just recently, they moved to a new home and are finally getting settled in. Right before their move, my mom (who was already disabled with a traumatic brain injury) fell in my parents home and dislocated her left shoulder and fractured her upper left arm. My dad is my mom's full-time caretaker. Also, my parents recently learned that my younger brother is getting divorced and they are very stressed about that.

Do you have any recommendations about appropriate ways to tell my parents that I'm Aspie?

It's important to me to tell them, as I loathe secrecy. Also, my Aspie status could explain many things to them, and let me connect with them in a deeper way.

My initial impulse is to compile a supporting document that would contain lots of information about AS and the autism spectrum. However, I am thinking that might be going overboard and generating a flood of information that would not be terribly useful, at least at first.

One of my closest friends is also an Aspie. He has been coaching me on some of the social skills I need to develop and uses a gesture to tell me to stop talking when I am going on and on and on about something. I mention this because it has been an unequivocal indication that I may overdo the information or commentary I offer when I talk with others. That knowledge suggests to me that the encyclopedic approach might not be the best way to tell Dad and Mom.

My parents already know I have bipolar disorder type II. I'm wondering what I can do to tell them I am an Aspie in the most positive way and not stir up lots of memories of the past that I'd really like to leave alone at this point?

Any suggestions?

I'll appreciate whatever advice you can offer. This is keeping me up at night and I'm worried about it.

I need to get some sleep now. Thanks.

I have talked about it with my parents in a sort of indirect way..I have mentioned that I belong to a forum where I communicate with alot of people with neurological differences...and that I have alot of things in common with them etc....I mean...my parents know that I have troubles..they have been buying me the herbal supplements I take for my head for years...

And then I have worked to dispell alot of misconceptions that my folks have about autism...My folks have tended to think the term autistic refers only to a person who is mentally incapacitated and has no ability to communicate with the outside world...etc...i have had to explain to them the concept of the "spectrum"...etc..and then there are the misconceptions about autism being primarily caused by mercury poisoning from dental fillings and vaccinations...so I have had to have a few debates over that...
Anywhoo...My mom is very AS-ish...and I am very much like her...There are people on my dad's side who are ASish...Despite my conversatiosn on the topic..I don't imagin it has quite entirely sunk in...but it doesn't bother me..they know as much as they need to...

I think this all comes down to where you think your parents heads are at. If you feel that they are 'open' to new ideas then it's one thing. If you feel that they are kind of 'closedminded' then it something completely different. You have to use you own intuition on this thing. There is nothing that says you have to tell them at this exact moment. You can wait a couple of years while you kind of get them set up for the final deal. Everybody seems to be in a hurry and there is no need for it most of the time.

Like Gary said it really comes down to what kind of people your parents are. Just how openminded and mentally stable are they? Its basically the same situation as if you were coming out to parents and telling them you were gay. But Aspergers is a little different than coming out of the closet because ASD opens up a new can of worms because in many families if a child has it a parent is often discovered to have AS too.

For me I decided against it because #1 I'm quite sure my dad is Aspie and since my nephew has it my stepmom knows all to well about Aspergers. I'm afraid by my coming out it would create friction between dad and stepmom because she might realize dad is that way. But she already knows he's very reclusive, stubborn and inflexible so she has an idea he is different but having a label for it might make matters worse. #2 reason for me is my stepmom looks so down on my nephew who is severely Aspie that its a very negative thing in their minds so no way I want to admit to being an Aspie too.

Don't tell them at all. You had to figure it out for yourself. Why should he be any different.