What makes someone creepy? An article

Post Reply New Topic

Initially, the idea was that the label informed others that we didn't want to be the way we were and couldn't help it. But if NTs know that already, what changes when we tell them we have Asperger's? If anything?

Ms. Whale_Tuune (the OP), you have some very insightful observations. I applaud you for those. Props to follows-ups, including and especially to the one and only Fnord

And let me just say that fellow is accurate with his statement that Western society (well, probably Eastern society too!) regards hermits, druggies, incels, etc., as "creepy". Indeed this conjures up those cliche expressions like "he gave me the willies", "there was just some weird/vacant look in his eyes", or "he didn't seem to respect my space or that I wanted to get away from him / didn't want to talk to him", well, guess what - these are all conceivable responses to the ASD/HFA presentation to peers.

Unfortunately, many times this creates a vicious circle (or cycle, if you prefer) effect - the sufferer (of ASD) feels more anxious from rejection or negative treatment, they tense up more and give off more negative vibes, i.e. they manifest more negative thoughts in their non-verbal, maybe become more "Tourettes-like" even and blurt out inappropriate things... you get the picture. Some of you may have seen this vicious cycle personified in the movie The Joker. Of course, the Joker is the epitome of "creepy".

That's another thing, with ASD/HFA those who emerge more successful from it tend to not only have luck as a factor, but have a certain attitude from not falling into that death spiral, or as the great philosopher Nietzsche (likely Aspie and definite nonconformist) called it - the abyss.

In my approach throughout life, I suffered indignities, but took a more "Mandela-like" approach to it. I adopted the NT ways realizing I had to accommodate their preferences (not vice-versa, even before my diagnosis at age 27 in the early 2000s), that reconciliation and redemption was possible in spite of the past.

Like I also said, some luck was involved - I had:
1. An accepting father
2. A good circle of accepting friends in post-secondary who, in some ways liked me more due to my eccentricity and sense of humour
3. The looks (received compliments from several women)
4. A good CS/IT job & career trajectory for years since my mid-20s, which had an initial luck component of "one thing led to another".

By counting my blessings and using them as a foundation, I worked out vigorously later in my 20s, got speech therapy, actively practiced acting in the mirror based loosely on certain movies I just watched, and was able to get several dates and relationships with women, good-looking women too.

IN my 40s today, I have a great career with a house, two cars, great friends and a wonderful wife with two daughters. The last time I heard anyone say I was "creepy" or which I heard second hand was at the age of 26.

So, YES, it is indeed possible... as long as you don't fall into the seductive spiral of all-consuming negative emotions! and take proactive steps when you can, where you can.

I think Fnord rather answered your initial question about what constitutes creepiness.

From an NT perspective (or at least my NT perspective) the aspergers label is associated with strangeness/being an oddball rather than creepiness. My only experience in watching an Aspie male trying to talk to an NT girl is on TV and rather than creepy the girls generally laugh or be polite as the men don't come across as threatening.

I also gauge the NT perspective by listening to the latest names my daughter gets called at school (ongoing battle). Her speech is often monotone and matter of fact so lately she is being called a robot.

For those able to mask their aspergers, telling an NT they have a diagnosis will invariably lead to the obvious response which is "I would have never guessed".....

What stood out to me was that approximately 60% of respondents believed that creepy people did not realize that they were being creepy, and could not stop being creepy.

So, I just stick to using euphemisms or downplaying the condition if I find that anyone is "suspect" about my presentation. Fortunately, I have not had to do that for several years.

And this immediately lead to the following question. If those 60% know that creepy people don't realize they are creepy, why are they holding it against them? Are they are being ablist and say that its "bad" that someone doesn't realize something?

... If those 60% know that creepy people don't realize they are creepy, why are they holding it against them? Are they are being ablist and say that its "bad" that someone doesn't realize something? ...

folks who fancy themselves infallible detectors of good, who go strictly on first impressions, i can do without those people.

The problem is that its "most" people, not just a few. And it wasn't just me who said it -- Fnord said it as well.