Need educated on non-binary

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I was born female but I've never really thought of myself as male or female. I imprinted on my father, my brother, and my male cousin, and spent very little time with other little girls. Regardless I liked some things that were considered girly (dolls, dresses, hair ribbons), and I liked some things that were considered boyish.

From about age 3, I've been aware that I feel like a conscious brain almost entirely dissociated from my body. My body doesn't feel like it belongs to me. I don't mean my female body. I mean, my arms and legs and feet and all of me. It's like whoever assembled me as a person forgot one of the steps. I've never felt like my mind-body are integrated or connected. It feels like all I am is a brain, and my body is totally irrelevant baggage that I have to lug around with me.

On my first day of Kindergarten I was spanked and humiliated for playing with a train set which was considered a boys' toy. The teacher said I should have known because it was blue. Even then in 1973 I thought she must be high or something, to say something so ridiculous. I had no interest in playing "House" with the girls, which is what the teacher expected. I did whatever I wanted to do whether it was considered a girls' or boys' activity. Gender wasn't pertinent to my self-concept, whether I wore dresses or did boyish things.

I don't know what the big deal is in society. In my opinion dresses aren't distinctly feminine. Men can wear dresses and it's sexist to say they can't. My best friend is a transwoman who wears dresses and makeup, and paints his (her) nails. In history men wore dresses and were associated with pink (a variant of red / blood). Women were associated with light blue (the heavenly sky, angels). None of the gender norms ever meant much to me, and they weren't really pushed on me either. In the 70s and 80s the world wasn't as sexist as we like to think it was.

I call myself female and I look female. I wear dresses for sensory reasons and I date men. But, my brain has no gender at all. It's kind of an existential feeling where my body doesn't exist, and everything's just an illusion anyway. I'm far too cerebral to worry about things like social constructs or gender expectations in myself or others.

The thing is, gender identity is a lot more than your interests/the gender roles you "fit in" and disliking/liking your physical sex. There is a neurological aspect to it.

I've always thought of being transgender/nonbinary as something similar to being intersex, but instead of it affecting the development of your primary/secondary sex characteristics it affects your neurological development. Intersex people can have physical presentations that are more female/male, or more ambiguous/undeveloped. Transgender/nonbinary people also have neurological presentations that can cause us to identify either as more female/male, or sometimes neither of those (maybe like the more ambiguous/undeveloped intersex presentation).

I don't know why those two aren't compared more because being trans/nonbinary does often have a biological (neurological and genetic) aspect to it, despite the fact most people don't get that it does.

Isabella, what you said makes sense. I’ve struggled with gender identity my entire life, I thought I was transgender for a long time because I didn’t fit in with the girls, and I didn’t want to look like what most girls look like. I like being androgynous and I honestly prefer when people call me by my name, and I hate when people say, “Hey girl.” Or call me a lady.. But that’s all based on gender norms, stereotypes, and societies expectations and thoughts on women...

I think I’m all honesty I’m just still confused about my gender, but I blame my issues on society and their expectations on women, and gender norms. I tell people all of the time that I am just me. I don’t really fit in to a category.

I've known many sorts of people in my time.

I've known "masculine" women, and have liked them. I've known "feminine" men, and have liked them. As long as they don't overdo it as a defense mechanism; that's when it can get irritating.

I identify as a man, and do like sports. But I also suck at carpentry. I've known many "feminine" women who like carpentry and things like that. I have zero interest in it. But I do like literature (which I thought was a "sissy" interest when I was a child).

I say: if somebody says they're "non-binary," I have to accept it. It would take some taking used to----to use the "they" pronouns----but I must make the effort.

If somebody is a woman and is masculine---so what. That's the way she is. As long as she doesn't try to screw with me, she's fine.