Help a minor with Autism and his abusive mother.

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She's trying to renew the restraining order by lying in court and saying I broke it.. it would have ended next month, but there's a hearing for a renewal.

But that's not the point. She's trying to renew it for 3 years. He turns 18 April 11, 2012... Can she do this? The only way I can see it possible is if she had him declared incompetent and lost him his rights already. ... Is there a way to find out if she has? If so... my friend Francis is doomed.. She'll have effectively chained his life...

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Last edited by -Skeksis- on 25 Oct 2011, 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's the one part of your comment i don't agree with.
People won't care if they don't see it, but I suspect most-any sane, scrupulous person,
Aspie OR NT, would empathize with the boy rather than the mother
if they actually hear Nekaru's story (assuming it's true).

I like the shawshank letter-writing idea the best.

Does anyone have any article links on Autism and Isolation that I could bring with me to the hearing? Maybe if I can show the court how isolation makes autism worse it might change something.

Not off-hand.
I wouldn't know which online medical or psychological journals to start with.
Make sure you get peer-reviewed sources, or articles with links to such.
(I only state the obvious because some ppl take just any article off the internet and pretend it's reputable.)

What date is the hearing and how much time will they allow you to present your case?
Can you obtain evidence that would indicate his inteligence?
like pieces of his original writing, art, crafts, etc.?

I don't know the court system so I don't know what they're looking for.

The originator of this thread, [redacted - mod edit] has been legally restrained due to her persistent harassment tactics and a situation in which she lied to the police about the where abouts of a missing minor. [redacted - mod edit] contiues to violate her restraining order. Most of what [redacted - mod edit] has to say is fiction. Francis is receiving professional care and is doing extreemly well in spite of the ordeal [redacted - mod edit] has put him and his entire family through.
If you are interested in the facts about [redacted - mod edit] and her involvement in this situation please contact detective Andersen of the Phoenix PD. I have included his contact information below.

Detective William Andersen #7232
> Missing and Unidentified Persons Unit
> Phoenix Police Department
> william.andersen@phoenix.gov
> (602)262-1663 desk
> (602)534-3093 fax
> (602)534-2121 main line

[Edit: Fatal-Noogie redacted the names too.]

Was [the young man] held against his will?
By whom? [Nekaru] or his "guardians"?
Who deprived him of his rights?

Oops. I forgot, he has no rights. ... silly me.

Last edited by Fatal-Noogie on 23 Oct 2011, 6:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have removed the names from your post.

I am not in possession of the facts of this matter, but our members deserve privacy and should be allowed to use this forum to garner whatever advice or support they may require, as long as they abide by the laws and the rules of the site.

Please do not PM the membership, it is not always appreciated and might also be considered invasive.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt178179.html

What's their IP address Moog? Does it actually trace back to the Phoenix PD?

*sigh* It's his mother.. She see's any support sites and she goes and tells the police to try to get them removed. It's just more proof at what's going on here. RO or not, it doesn't restrain one from gaining advice and support for that friend?

Look.. you all don't have to believe me, but honestly I just want to help my best friend and the autism support sites was one of the last places I knew to turn. I've provided the full story and nothing but it, and I would take a polygraph test if one was possible over the internet just to show that and prove to you...

...It somewhat disappoints me that she can even twist the police into going after freedom of speech on the internet in order to oppress Francis.. but I guess that's how it is.

...Sorry for dragging you all into it. I just hoped you could provide me the advice I needed to help my best friend.

I would say that when one steps back really far, the post against you seems to support your concern that you are being unfairly treated. Names should not have been named, pm's should not have been sent.

Of course no one here will ever know who is right and who is wrong. Nor is it our job to find out. We are here to emotionally support people who come here seeking that support. If the mom wants to go rant on the parenting board, without naming names, she will find emotional support as well.

People who have emotional support make smarter decisions and are more likely to find reasonable resolution; they even start to bend and change their position if that is what is needed. All on their own, because all they ever needed was someone to care enough to talk.

People on a message board can't solve conflicts for anyone, or decide what the right answer is, but they can give people the support they need to find that answer off the board. Don't apologize for coming here seeking that.

I have no idea if you have done any of the right things in this situation. What I do believe is that you have done whatever you have done because you cared. Caring may not be enough to change destructive actions (if there were any) into constructive ones, but it is enough to keep people interested in helping you.

Legally, when it comes to your friend, the parents hold all the cards. Period. They don't have to be right, they just have to be within a very wide ban of the possibility of "reasonable." Even if their choices turn out to be destructive, the law leaves that choice in their hands, simply because it has to be assumed that the parents are in the best position to make difficult, grey area, decisions. As long as they aren't malicious, abusive, or negligent, their decisions won't be challenged. The only action that had a chance of "winning" against that was persuasion, IMHO.

I hope things turn out OK for your friend, and that someone in all this finds whatever the right answer for him is. I hope that the mother is making wise decisions for him, even if she isn't making wise ones when it comes to you.

And I hope you find some peace for yourself, knowing that there is no crime in caring.

This mother makes me sick. Maybe we can spam her email or irl mail to make her surrender. Maybe the guy can talk to the woman to make her see. Or he could prove he's competent when he's 18 so he can keep his rights.

Now there is the smart thing for him to do. Bide his time following orders for the short term, learn enough societal ropes to prove competence in the long term. Guardianship over an adult is not exactly a default position; the parent will have to prove her case, and she will have to let him speak for himself in court. Which means he can ask for his own lawyer and step up to prove he can stand responsibly on his own, if he actually can. No one can do that for him; that is going to be his own challenge.

If he can't, then, well, it's all back to square one, because the mom has the legal responsibility and the legal rights and it really won't matter what anyone's opinion on the matter is: someone has to take responsibility when the child can't, it will be the immediate family unless there is absolute proof of abuse, in which case I'm not sure the alternative would be any better: it's not like guardianship is going to get awarded to a group of his friends.

I am well aware from separate discussions on the parenting board how difficult this stuff can be for a parent, when a child nears 18 and actions to date have led you to believe he can't survive on his own. It is a really stressful and difficult time. Some parents rise up to that better than others, some make choices I agree with and others I think make very poor choices, but it isn't easy for any of them. If a parent has a good relationship with the child it can be a moot point, since you can trust they will choose to continue to rely on you and accept your guidance, making legal guardianship unnecessary (and something we tend to advise against on the parenting board), but once that is fractured, things fall between a rock and a hard place, because you remain responsible as a parent even if you were to no longer have legal control.

I think instead of trying to wrestle with the law in the short term, friends might want to work on proof for the competence case.

But that's just it. She wants to renew the restraining order for 3 years. However as I said above he turns 18 April 11th next year. How can she do this if he could overturn it when he's 18. Does it mean she's already declared him as incompetent? Can they do it before the minor turns 18? At this point with her saying that in the renewal to make it for 3 years, I have the bad feeling that she already declared it or found some way to make him not remove it when he's 18.

Also @Dave110. Don't! Spam calling or spam mailing will make her put a restraining order on one of you. That's how it was put on me. I tried to call a few times to reason with her and the rest of his family at what they were doing and to tell them how Francis felt about it in attempt to help him. They instead took it as harassment and filed the Civil Harassment RO. Calling is not the best idea. Besides, she changed all her numbers, emails, etc. Snail Mail is the only way to reach her.

Here's your homework. IMHO.

1) Write down what your know of your friend, the ways he has demonstrated independent life skills. List specific instances, if you know of them. Has he successfully managed money, negotiated major or minor purchases? Can he drive or find his way on public transportation? Does he cook, do laundry, or otherwise demonstrate self-care? Does he know mitigation techniques for preventing or managing his own meltdowns? Has he advocated for himself at school, or shown maturity in a difficult situation? Has he made and kept appointments of any sort? Has he worked in any paid or volunteer job that would have required him to meet a schedule and show responsibility?

2) Look up the timing requirements for competency filing in the applicable state. Go to a law library. See what your window is.

3) Look up the process, if the court will be appointing a social worker, lawyer, or other third party to represent the minor.

You will not, under any circumstances, contact anyone covered in the restraining order. But, perhaps, if you get your paperwork in order, you may be able to eventually either contact a court appointed advocate for your friend, or file some sort of statement with the court.

Sit down and go through the process first.

You will have to approach this smart, not emotionally.

The hearing to fight the restraining order is this Friday. Which is why I'm asking. Is it possible she's already had his rights removed for when he turns 18 (as in declared him incompetent before he even turns 18 ) and that's why she's asking for a 3 year renewal on it. Or is she just asking 3 years in hope that the judge will overlook the fact he'll be 18 next year?

Is there anyway of knowing ahead of time?