Help a minor with Autism and his abusive mother.

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OP, you need legal counsel. Nobody here is qualified to answer your questions or to advise you. This is a support forum, not a legal one.

If you feel your minor friend is being abused, report it to the police so a legal intervention can be undertaken. Coming here trying to rally support could unwittingly involve others who do not want to get or be involved.

I'm not comfortable with this topic. I've retracted my earlier statement and want no contact in any form from the parties involved in this dispute. That being said, I withdraw from this thread.

I'm ... sorry? >.<

I wasn't trying to rally support, just get advice on what I could do and information pertaining to autism. I wasn't asking legal, but whether or not one would assume she already has declared him incompetent or not... I don't care about the RO or legalities of this a all. I just came here to find out what could be done, where to turn, how to help him.. I only mentioned the RO to see if you think because of the 3 year thing that if she got him declared incompetent already or is bluffing. Because if she did, he's doomed.
It wasn't meant to drag anyone into any legal matters. The above poster that PMd is the uncle. He's stalking every support site I try to get help on and posting the police information. He tried it on the Facebook group too..

I'm sorry.. I did not intend for anyone to be dragged into legal matters...

....Sorry.

Last edited by Nekaru on 26 Oct 2011, 7:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Don't be sorry. Whatever anyone says asking for support against a wrongdoing isn't wrong.

Have you posted this to any other forums. You really need legal advice here. I would find some legal forums on the internet, summarize your question and post there. You should care about the legalities of it, because the key question is whether this person was declared incompetent or not. I would assume the burden would be on the mother to prove competency. Do you think your friend would be able to defend themselves in a court hearing to determine competency?
I like the advice from DW_a_mom.

I think you need to remove your focus from the restraining order, and keep your mind on where and if you can help your friend regardless of a restraining order, within the legal parameters exisring for you with or without such an order. Your focus on that factor seems like a dead end to me. I'm pretty sure there are ways to remove restraining orders after they are in place, btw, so you can afford to let some time pass.

I am also pretty sure you would have a right to make an appearance in court when she tries to extend the order to plead your side by apologizing for what came across as rash or erratic behavior (she couldn't have gotten the order unless that was the case) and reiterate that the only reason you took any of those actions was because you were genuinely concerned for your friend. But you aren't going to be effective with that unless you start approaching all of this smarter.

What I'm suggesting is that you stop panicking and start doing. Don't ask us what the law is, do some research and find out what it is. Doing that will show to the court you are responsible and rational. Do I think the mom could have finalized a guardianship this far ahead of his 18th birthday? No, I do not, but she will certainly have been working on the related documents. Getting the result you want in court is never a matter of showing up in court and providing a spur of the moment emotional appeal. It always requires preparation and an understanding of the law. We aren't lawyers; we can't do that for you (and even if we were, we wouldn't for a variety of practical reasons).

If you want to get anything straightened out in this you need preparation and an understanding of the law. Which is why I suggested you do your homework.

Demonstrate through mature and carefully thought out actions that you are interested in your friend's welfare first and foremost, and demonstrate that you are no threat by acting like a responsible adult, doing your homework, and going through the proper channels with well prepared petitions.

Plus, the family cannot harass you if you are in a law library doing research, or quietly writing up everything you know that could prove competence. You'll remove some of the power they have over you. Right now they know every move you are going to make and every worry you have because you've published it, and that gives them power. If you genuinely believe they are not working in your friend's best interest, then you need to take some of your own power back by getting your own homework done.

To be honest, I have no idea at all if you have any chance at the "win" you want, but I still think the process I've suggested is worth it, because if nothing else it will help you get your head on straight about what has happened and what could happen.

IMHO.

Also ... If trying to dig into the legal research is too overwhelming, see if you can find a local legal aid organization. They might be able to help you with the basic process questions.

I know that nothing I'm suggesting is easy, but nothing about empowerment ever is.

Lost the hearing, judge made the RO for 3 years. ( I think she was against me due to that appeal I started, since it made her look bad. Since she kinda went from nice and fair in the first hearing, to a grade a b**** within the 6 months of the RO.)

Sorry about not getting back to everyone sooner, was kinda depressed and torn up over that...

But I've been researching like DW_a_mom said, and I think I found some good news...

First of all, yes, the mother did mention she'd try to declare him unfit to take care of himself in the court hearing. That was her and her lawyers response to me saying it'd make no sense to make it for 3 years if in 6 months when he turns 18, he could simply take himself off it...

But through research I found, http://www.disabilityrightsca.org/pubs/500501.pdf

She CANNOT declare him incompetent before he is 18. She has to do it when he's 18 or it's a restraining of rights before the child reaches the age of majority (doesn't allow them to prove the parent wrong.)

So... if someone NOT ME, or affiliated with me in any way but is acting upon their own interest (he has other friends) was there the exact day he turns 18? (In Cali) and went to pick him up and take him away from her house and he WANTED to go. (Remember he wants to escape her... if she hasn't totally changed his thinking by then.) Would it be kidnapping? Or is there ANY charge she could press against the person picking him up? Since she won't have been able to declare him incompetent at that time.

I think if it happens like that it'd give him more of a chance to fight her when she petitions it, because he'll be 1. Away from the house and have access to legal information and help by that friend. And 2. Be able to get a lawyer and prove he's not incompetent. Also 3. Be able to choose his own psychiatrist to be evaluated by instead of that one that's under her pay.

Yay or nay plan?

When I was 14 I was phyically abused by a family member, I was too afarid to tell anyone because I thought I was the cause of all the problems and I slowly became more angry inside.

Yea. This is clearly unfair.

Running away is never a good plan. He isn't going to win in court just by not physically being there; it would be taken as a huge strike against him, and probably all of you. What you have suggested isn't what responsible, mature people DO. Right now ALL of you need to act mature and responsible, and not as if you are living in some spy fantasy novel. His family are not his captors, even if looks that way from your descriptions. They are his family.

He has EVERY RIGHT to meet with a lawyer before his 18th birthday and be prepared for this hearing. If he hasn't had that ability, all he will have to do at the first hearing should be to SAY so, "I challenge this and have not been allowed access to my own representation."

If his friends want to arrange for an attorney to contact him on his birthday, in case he hasn't been able to meet with an attorney on his own, that can probably be done, and the lawyer will be able to insist on a PRIVATE meeting, assuming the friend agrees, and would be able to make the arguments in my last paragraph in court on his behalf.

Glad to hear you are doing research. Keep going, see if you can find what factors have weighed in whose favors in these types of hearings.

It doesn't sound like the mother is autistic. Possibly a personality disorder.

She didn't wear sunglasses in the court over sensory issues, she wore them out of being paranoid. She's very manipulative and controlling. She's stunting him and not caring if she hurts him.

I have no good advice except hopefully he can defend himself somehow. Does he have family elsewhere that he can go to? I've had to leave my own family who were abusive.

EMANCIPATION - The legal term used to describe the point at which parents are no longer responsible for their children and children are no longer answerable to their parents. This usually occurs at the age of 18. However, emancipation may sometimes occur earlier if and when the parent and child have agreed to live independently, the child has joined the military, the child has married, or a court has granted an appropriate petition to declare a child emancipated. Emancipation also affects a child's legal rights and responsibilities.

The child must sue the parent to terminate parental rights and gain emancipation, essentially they are declared an adult.

It sounds like she has munchausen by proxy syndrome.

It's been well over 2 months... is this over? Is this solved? It makes me worried. Doesn't anyone else feel worried?

After reading this, I feel sorry for your friend having to endure 17 years of abuse from his mom. His mother isn't fit to be a parent because of her abuse and neglect towards him. Most mothers of autistic children would never abuse, neglect, and isolate their children from the outside world. I hope that you do whatever you can to help your friend on his behalf.

DW said "They are not the enemy, they are his family." I beg to differ. The fact that they are his family makes it even more revolting that they are doing this. They sure ACT like the enemy. If it looks like s**t an smells like s**t it is s**t, cuz I'll be damned before I taste it. They are not his true family if thye treat him like that. A family protects you. The word "family" should mean "people who care and know you an know and help meet your needs and you do the same for them". It shouldn't mean "people who have some of your DNA whose mercy you must live under".

I have a few questions, which you might or might not have answered already, although either way I cannot tell:

- What are her motives for isolating him(has he just been recently diagnosed?)
- If he has always been diagnosed, then how did he make friends and meet people? I'd assume she would always have had him isolated, if her motives were caused by his autism. If not, then what initiated the isolation? Apparently there was a time when he was able to have friends right?
- Does he not go to school? If not, is he home-schooled? Has this always been the case?
- Can he take care of himself? If so, I don't see how his mother can get him labeled as incompetent unless her sole case is his autism. If that is the reasoning then I'd assume an impartial psychologist or psychiatrist will make this assessment, and if he is truly able to live as a self-sufficient adult then there is no purpose to label him as incompetent just because his mother(when he turns 18 years old, she'll be a noncustodial parent) says so.
- Where do his other family members stand? I'm sure if his mother is truly doing something wrong somebody else would interfere, correct?

I'm sorry if this seems a bit probing, but I think you were vague when describing the setting and the entire context hasn't been revealed.

The following is what I would do in such a situation:

It seems to me that the authorities can play it off as an internal family matter for now, but once your friend gains that small period of freedom to organize things I'm sure he'll have more power in self-determination. Somehow it must be communicated to him, so that he may effectively utilize his self-sufficiency(assuming he has it; if not then there is nothing you or he can or should do) and freedom to build a case against a declaration of incompetence from his mother. I don't think any court will automatically assign such an important, life-changing, label without reason to, and the more indecisive the court is due to a strong case from your friend's side the higher the chance he will gain freedom as an adult. Lastly, make a case that his autism doesn't make him incompetent, if that is true. Educate them about autism. It might be a matter of ignorance and an assumption on the deterministic official's part that since he has autism, he MUST be incompetent. Make it clear that is certainly not true. I hope, although I don't know at all, that he has enough time between his 18th birthday and whenever his mother plans to take him to court so that he may organize his thoughts and abilities without intrusions and hindrances, intentionally and unintentionally, from others. Any self-sufficient person should be able to do this, even if it is much harder for somebody with such a disability. The reward of freedom is far too great not to put the extra work in. It sounds to me, from all of the information available, that your friend isn't very active in determining his own future. Somehow he needs to try more. No adult should have that much control over another self-sufficient adult, regardless of their relations. Currently, the most important and only thing he can do is prepare. Once he turns 18, he should swiftly and with a planned, level, and mature plan take action and develop a case against a label of incompetence. It shouldn't be too hard if he isn't severely disabled, which I assumingly infer from your label of "high functioning."

Also make sure the definition of incompetence is clear, and utilize that. Just because somebody isn't able to provide for themselves doesn't mean it is due to an inherent or developed mental disability. I'd use that as a counterargument if their reasoning for incompetence doesn't have any substance to prove it is caused by his autism rather than correlated with his autism.

In the end however, I am not qualified and that is only what I would do. A lawyer whom is educated of autism and know your friend well enough to assess his abilities will be the best resource and tool to succeed.