I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!
01 Mar 2010, 2:36 am
Okay so the title doesn't make any sense, I'd admit that. So I'm gonna get into details now. But before that, there's something you should all know about me. I know that lately I've been posting multiple times very rudely in my topics. I wanna apologize for that if I have been rude. And to the mods I wanna also apologize for breaking the rules here. The reasons for my actions is because I have been going through a really tough time this past month. I've posted what happen to me in another topic so I'm gonna put it in quote here for you're reference:-
Quote:
Okay so the title kinda isn't specific so I'm gonna explain. There a few things I have to say here. I know some of you have been reading my topics and found me quite rude and to the moderators I know I've broken a few rules so I wanna apologize for all that. The reason why I was behaving like that is because of a number of problems I've been having.
See, in January 11 I was enlisted in National Service (NS). I was assigned as an Assistant Storeman in the Army (Land Military), or more specifically the Headquarters of the Singapore Artillery. That's the division of the Army where they're in-charge of equipments and stuff like that, especially Artillery weapons. But I was only working at the stationary store so It's not the "Big guns". Anyway I was facing a great of problems soon after in and out of camp.
Some of my problems included my Dad and friends from out of camp giving me a lot of pressure. My Dad 'cause he had a great deal of pride that I'm serving the nation, or atleast that was what I thought. As for my friends, see they all have AS like alot of us, one possibly having HFA and they were telling me I should show everyone that Aspies can do NS. I realised that if I ever screwed up, I'd be giving us a bad name. Among all my friends, the one who gave that much stress the most was my friend who probably has HFA Ruenn Sheng, who's also a member here on Wrong Planet.
I was also having problems in camp as well. The first was the job itself. I was going alot of stress. No, not mental or psychological stress but more of physical stress. Another was my interaction with my fellow NSmen and many others. For some reason they're suspecting that there's something odd with me. I didn't tell them of my condition but they already knew that I have a condition. An example of that is there once I was walking by and some of my fellow NSmen asked my why I was hopping when I walk. I realize I was giving out my symptoms too much.
But the biggest problem of all was my morbid fear of aggressive authority. For some reason, whenever I'm in-front of a super-aggressive higher-up shouting at me or anyone near me or shows a great deal of aggression, I just feel like "dying", like a second identity wakes up and makes me feeling distressed. One of the many times these situations happens was during the Morning Military Marching Parade and after that I went to an empty washroom and started crying, pleading to god to "save me".
With all those problems I couldn't take it anymore. So on February 1, I attempted suicide. But ultimately I could bring myself to kill myself. Deep down, I really didn't wanna kill myself, but at the time I couldn't see any other option. Eventually one of my superiors called me asking where I am. I told where I was. So when he came, he asked me to hand over the scissors I was trying to use to kill myself by stabbing myself and I did. So after talking about my problems, I admitted to Institute of Mental Health, a government mental institution, for 2 days. After which they decided I would be discharged from NS. So currently I've been given Leave for 6 weeks until early March, where they'll finalize the decision whether I should continue NS or not.
Look I'm really sorry to all of you where I betrayed the Autism community. I realised that suicide is never the answer to a problem. And I know alot of you will be angry that I gave us a bad name. But I really hope you can forgive me.
See, in January 11 I was enlisted in National Service (NS). I was assigned as an Assistant Storeman in the Army (Land Military), or more specifically the Headquarters of the Singapore Artillery. That's the division of the Army where they're in-charge of equipments and stuff like that, especially Artillery weapons. But I was only working at the stationary store so It's not the "Big guns". Anyway I was facing a great of problems soon after in and out of camp.
Some of my problems included my Dad and friends from out of camp giving me a lot of pressure. My Dad 'cause he had a great deal of pride that I'm serving the nation, or atleast that was what I thought. As for my friends, see they all have AS like alot of us, one possibly having HFA and they were telling me I should show everyone that Aspies can do NS. I realised that if I ever screwed up, I'd be giving us a bad name. Among all my friends, the one who gave that much stress the most was my friend who probably has HFA Ruenn Sheng, who's also a member here on Wrong Planet.
I was also having problems in camp as well. The first was the job itself. I was going alot of stress. No, not mental or psychological stress but more of physical stress. Another was my interaction with my fellow NSmen and many others. For some reason they're suspecting that there's something odd with me. I didn't tell them of my condition but they already knew that I have a condition. An example of that is there once I was walking by and some of my fellow NSmen asked my why I was hopping when I walk. I realize I was giving out my symptoms too much.
But the biggest problem of all was my morbid fear of aggressive authority. For some reason, whenever I'm in-front of a super-aggressive higher-up shouting at me or anyone near me or shows a great deal of aggression, I just feel like "dying", like a second identity wakes up and makes me feeling distressed. One of the many times these situations happens was during the Morning Military Marching Parade and after that I went to an empty washroom and started crying, pleading to god to "save me".
With all those problems I couldn't take it anymore. So on February 1, I attempted suicide. But ultimately I could bring myself to kill myself. Deep down, I really didn't wanna kill myself, but at the time I couldn't see any other option. Eventually one of my superiors called me asking where I am. I told where I was. So when he came, he asked me to hand over the scissors I was trying to use to kill myself by stabbing myself and I did. So after talking about my problems, I admitted to Institute of Mental Health, a government mental institution, for 2 days. After which they decided I would be discharged from NS. So currently I've been given Leave for 6 weeks until early March, where they'll finalize the decision whether I should continue NS or not.
Look I'm really sorry to all of you where I betrayed the Autism community. I realised that suicide is never the answer to a problem. And I know alot of you will be angry that I gave us a bad name. But I really hope you can forgive me.
Anyway during my leave from NS I've done some thinking. And I've been reading some of the topics here as well concerning Autism and the media. And then I started thinking about my friend as well. I'm the only one among my friends who has the closest thing to a privileged life. So after much thinking, I can only conclude one thing that can only be describe in 2 words: no more. No more was I gonna let our fellow Aspies and those with other disabilities be shunned by society any longer. I finally realized that the most common problems we've faced is not how we survive in society. In fact, we can do things just fine. Of course some of us, with the proper guidance and help, can survive on our own. The real problem is how society is receiving us, or at least most of society, and I've had enough. So I have a plan. I'm not sure if you countries have it but I'm aware that a lot of countries have what is called a Legislative Assembly. A Legislative Assembly, called a Parliament in my country, is a meeting of sorts where the various ministers in a government as well as others who the public can go to to voice out concerns on certain issues in a country that can be addressed later, called in my country Members of Parliament (MPs), gather to discuss certain issues on how we can help the country. I actually plan on going to an MP to voice out how we can help those with disabilities. I think you guys should do the same as well and let your countries' governments know. I believe we can create a future where people with or without disabilities can learn to accept each other and live happily with no regrets. It's time to step up and do what we must do to create the future we so long to have. I wish to make Wrong Planet more than just a sanctuary for us and into a activist movement and a revolution, one that can rival Autism Speaks. I understand if some of you believe that we can't change the world so suddenly, and I totally agree with you. But if we start now, I know that in a few years or so the future we want can come to realize. Besides, if we don't try now we won't know if it will work. So who's with me?
_________________
Hello, friends.
Last edited by ashmeister on 01 Mar 2010, 5:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
01 Mar 2010, 5:12 am
First and foremost, I did not ever give you stress. I try to give you encouragement. Why would I want to harm you? Like you, I also believe in Sai Baba (but unlike you, I am not so big on the other religions). I do not really want to harm you in any way and cause you to be more stressed or whatsoever. Who on Earth would want to harm a fellow Singaporean Sai Baba guy anyway? So if you can, please edit your post or at least message/call me if you understand that I meant well and all I need to do is to be more 'relaxed' and less 'forceful'.
Or should I say that - Huh why are you still saying I'm in the wrong if I had understood that I had been too forceful. Oh well, never mind, just do whatever you like as long as you continue to do the things you like that we enjoy.
This was also the reason why I'd prefer to meet a normal friend rather than a local gathering fairly recently - because I want to give you a chance to tell everyone that I was wrong to 'pressure' you. You are right and I am wrong ok? Please forgive me!
Secondly, I am with you. I agree with your ideas, it's easy to understand and it's easy to implement. In fact you should really post on other autistic communities that you know about this idea, and try to gain leadership positions. This would help you to achieve your dreams better. Let us change for the better!
_________________
Ex amicitia vita
01 Mar 2010, 5:19 am
ruennsheng wrote:
First and foremost, I did not ever give you stress. I try to give you encouragement. Why would I want to harm you? Like you, I also believe in Sai Baba (but unlike you, I am not so big on the other religions). I do not really want to harm you in any way and cause you to be more stressed or whatsoever. Who on Earth would want to harm a fellow Singaporean Sai Baba guy anyway? So if you can, please edit your post or at least message/call me if you understand that I meant well and all I need to do is to be more 'relaxed' and less 'forceful'.
Or should I say that - Huh why are you still saying I'm in the wrong if I had understood that I had been too forceful. Oh well, never mind, just do whatever you like as long as you continue to do the things you like that we enjoy.
This was also the reason why I'd prefer to meet a normal friend rather than a local gathering fairly recently - because I want to give you a chance to tell everyone that I was wrong to 'pressure' you. You are right and I am wrong ok? Please forgive me!
Secondly, I am with you. I agree with your ideas, it's easy to understand and it's easy to implement. In fact you should really post on other autistic communities that you know about this idea, and try to gain leadership positions. This would help you to achieve your dreams better. Let us change for the better!
Or should I say that - Huh why are you still saying I'm in the wrong if I had understood that I had been too forceful. Oh well, never mind, just do whatever you like as long as you continue to do the things you like that we enjoy.
This was also the reason why I'd prefer to meet a normal friend rather than a local gathering fairly recently - because I want to give you a chance to tell everyone that I was wrong to 'pressure' you. You are right and I am wrong ok? Please forgive me!
Secondly, I am with you. I agree with your ideas, it's easy to understand and it's easy to implement. In fact you should really post on other autistic communities that you know about this idea, and try to gain leadership positions. This would help you to achieve your dreams better. Let us change for the better!
I know you didn't mean it and there's nothing to forgive you about. I'm not angry with you. I know you did it unintentionally. Anyway I'm okay now. But really talking about how to help other like us is one thing. What I'm saying is we need to put it into action now before it's too late.
_________________
Hello, friends.
01 Mar 2010, 10:35 am
I went through what you did when I was sixteen. Never wanted to work with a group of them again. I forced myself to try but it was fairly horrible.
That was nearly thirty years ago. Now I'm looking thirty years ahead.
We already understand their communications systems better than they do. In the next twenty years we have the capacity to figure out and apply things in ways they can they can not even begin to imagine.
We've been bullied into believing they are evolution's favorites. They are not . This is a level field and I for one don't see why we should be treated the way we are and hand our creativity, our inspiration, our genius ( where appropriate) over to them, like a conditioned dog dropping a ball at their feet. It's not a fair deal.
We have leverage.
Not all NT's are hostile . Some will even love you. Don't forget that.
01 Mar 2010, 11:01 am
memesplice wrote:
I went through what you did when I was sixteen. Never wanted to work with a group of them again. I forced myself to try but it was fairly horrible.
That was nearly thirty years ago. Now I'm looking thirty years ahead.
We already understand their communications systems better than they do. In the next twenty years we have the capacity to figure out and apply things in ways they can they can not even begin to imagine.
We've been bullied into believing they are evolution's favorites. They are not . This is a level field and I for one don't see why we should be treated the way we are and hand our creativity, our inspiration, our genius ( where appropriate) over to them, like a conditioned dog dropping a ball at their feet. It's not a fair deal.
We have leverage.
Not all NT's are hostile . Some will even love you. Don't forget that.
That was nearly thirty years ago. Now I'm looking thirty years ahead.
We already understand their communications systems better than they do. In the next twenty years we have the capacity to figure out and apply things in ways they can they can not even begin to imagine.
We've been bullied into believing they are evolution's favorites. They are not . This is a level field and I for one don't see why we should be treated the way we are and hand our creativity, our inspiration, our genius ( where appropriate) over to them, like a conditioned dog dropping a ball at their feet. It's not a fair deal.
We have leverage.
Not all NT's are hostile . Some will even love you. Don't forget that.
I'm well aware of that. The purpose for this is to create a world where we can be accepted as well as allow NTs to have a better understanding of us.
_________________
Hello, friends.
01 Mar 2010, 12:52 pm
ashmeister wrote:
Okay so the title doesn't make any sense, I'd admit that. So I'm gonna get into details now. But before that, there's something you should all know about me. I know that lately I've been posting multiple times very rudely in my topics. I wanna apologize for that if I have been rude. And to the mods I wanna also apologize for breaking the rules here. The reasons for my actions is because I have been going through a really tough time this past month. I've posted what happen to me in another topic so I'm gonna put it in quote here for you're reference:-
Anyway during my leave from NS I've done some thinking. And I've been reading some of the topics here as well concerning Autism and the media. And then I started thinking about my friend as well. I'm the only one among my friends who has the closest thing to a privileged life. So after much thinking, I can only conclude one thing that can only be describe in 2 words: no more. No more was I gonna let our fellow Aspies and those with other disabilities be shunned by society any longer. I finally realized that the most common problems we've faced is not how we survive in society. In fact, we can do things just fine. Of course some of us, with the proper guidance and help, can survive on our own. The real problem is how society is receiving us, or at least most of society, and I've had enough. So I have a plan. I'm not sure if you countries have it but I'm aware that a lot of countries have what is called a Legislative Assembly. A Legislative Assembly, called a Parliament in my country, is a meeting of sorts where the various ministers in a government as well as others who the public can go to to voice out concerns on certain issues in a country that can be addressed later, called in my country Members of Parliament (MPs), gather to discuss certain issues on how we can help the country. I actually plan on going to an MP to voice out how we can help those with disabilities. I think you guys should do the same as well and let the government know. I believe we can create a future where people with or without disabilities can learn to accept each other and live happily with no regrets. It's time to step up and do what we must do to create the future we so long to have. I wish to make Wrong Planet more than just a sanctuary for us and into a activist movement and a revolution, one that can rival Autism Speaks. I understand if some of you believe that we can't change the world so suddenly, and I totally agree with you. But if we start now, I know that in a few years or so the future we want can come to realize. Besides, if we don't try now we won't know if it will work. So who's with me?
Quote:
Okay so the title kinda isn't specific so I'm gonna explain. There a few things I have to say here. I know some of you have been reading my topics and found me quite rude and to the moderators I know I've broken a few rules so I wanna apologize for all that. The reason why I was behaving like that is because of a number of problems I've been having.
See, in January 11 I was enlisted in National Service (NS). I was assigned as an Assistant Storeman in the Army (Land Military), or more specifically the Headquarters of the Singapore Artillery. That's the division of the Army where they're in-charge of equipments and stuff like that, especially Artillery weapons. But I was only working at the stationary store so It's not the "Big guns". Anyway I was facing a great of problems soon after in and out of camp.
Some of my problems included my Dad and friends from out of camp giving me a lot of pressure. My Dad 'cause he had a great deal of pride that I'm serving the nation, or atleast that was what I thought. As for my friends, see they all have AS like alot of us, one possibly having HFA and they were telling me I should show everyone that Aspies can do NS. I realised that if I ever screwed up, I'd be giving us a bad name. Among all my friends, the one who gave that much stress the most was my friend who probably has HFA Ruenn Sheng, who's also a member here on Wrong Planet.
I was also having problems in camp as well. The first was the job itself. I was going alot of stress. No, not mental or psychological stress but more of physical stress. Another was my interaction with my fellow NSmen and many others. For some reason they're suspecting that there's something odd with me. I didn't tell them of my condition but they already knew that I have a condition. An example of that is there once I was walking by and some of my fellow NSmen asked my why I was hopping when I walk. I realize I was giving out my symptoms too much.
But the biggest problem of all was my morbid fear of aggressive authority. For some reason, whenever I'm in-front of a super-aggressive higher-up shouting at me or anyone near me or shows a great deal of aggression, I just feel like "dying", like a second identity wakes up and makes me feeling distressed. One of the many times these situations happens was during the Morning Military Marching Parade and after that I went to an empty washroom and started crying, pleading to god to "save me".
With all those problems I couldn't take it anymore. So on February 1, I attempted suicide. But ultimately I could bring myself to kill myself. Deep down, I really didn't wanna kill myself, but at the time I couldn't see any other option. Eventually one of my superiors called me asking where I am. I told where I was. So when he came, he asked me to hand over the scissors I was trying to use to kill myself by stabbing myself and I did. So after talking about my problems, I admitted to Institute of Mental Health, a government mental institution, for 2 days. After which they decided I would be discharged from NS. So currently I've been given Leave for 6 weeks until early March, where they'll finalize the decision whether I should continue NS or not.
Look I'm really sorry to all of you where I betrayed the Autism community. I realised that suicide is never the answer to a problem. And I know alot of you will be angry that I gave us a bad name. But I really hope you can forgive me.
See, in January 11 I was enlisted in National Service (NS). I was assigned as an Assistant Storeman in the Army (Land Military), or more specifically the Headquarters of the Singapore Artillery. That's the division of the Army where they're in-charge of equipments and stuff like that, especially Artillery weapons. But I was only working at the stationary store so It's not the "Big guns". Anyway I was facing a great of problems soon after in and out of camp.
Some of my problems included my Dad and friends from out of camp giving me a lot of pressure. My Dad 'cause he had a great deal of pride that I'm serving the nation, or atleast that was what I thought. As for my friends, see they all have AS like alot of us, one possibly having HFA and they were telling me I should show everyone that Aspies can do NS. I realised that if I ever screwed up, I'd be giving us a bad name. Among all my friends, the one who gave that much stress the most was my friend who probably has HFA Ruenn Sheng, who's also a member here on Wrong Planet.
I was also having problems in camp as well. The first was the job itself. I was going alot of stress. No, not mental or psychological stress but more of physical stress. Another was my interaction with my fellow NSmen and many others. For some reason they're suspecting that there's something odd with me. I didn't tell them of my condition but they already knew that I have a condition. An example of that is there once I was walking by and some of my fellow NSmen asked my why I was hopping when I walk. I realize I was giving out my symptoms too much.
But the biggest problem of all was my morbid fear of aggressive authority. For some reason, whenever I'm in-front of a super-aggressive higher-up shouting at me or anyone near me or shows a great deal of aggression, I just feel like "dying", like a second identity wakes up and makes me feeling distressed. One of the many times these situations happens was during the Morning Military Marching Parade and after that I went to an empty washroom and started crying, pleading to god to "save me".
With all those problems I couldn't take it anymore. So on February 1, I attempted suicide. But ultimately I could bring myself to kill myself. Deep down, I really didn't wanna kill myself, but at the time I couldn't see any other option. Eventually one of my superiors called me asking where I am. I told where I was. So when he came, he asked me to hand over the scissors I was trying to use to kill myself by stabbing myself and I did. So after talking about my problems, I admitted to Institute of Mental Health, a government mental institution, for 2 days. After which they decided I would be discharged from NS. So currently I've been given Leave for 6 weeks until early March, where they'll finalize the decision whether I should continue NS or not.
Look I'm really sorry to all of you where I betrayed the Autism community. I realised that suicide is never the answer to a problem. And I know alot of you will be angry that I gave us a bad name. But I really hope you can forgive me.
Anyway during my leave from NS I've done some thinking. And I've been reading some of the topics here as well concerning Autism and the media. And then I started thinking about my friend as well. I'm the only one among my friends who has the closest thing to a privileged life. So after much thinking, I can only conclude one thing that can only be describe in 2 words: no more. No more was I gonna let our fellow Aspies and those with other disabilities be shunned by society any longer. I finally realized that the most common problems we've faced is not how we survive in society. In fact, we can do things just fine. Of course some of us, with the proper guidance and help, can survive on our own. The real problem is how society is receiving us, or at least most of society, and I've had enough. So I have a plan. I'm not sure if you countries have it but I'm aware that a lot of countries have what is called a Legislative Assembly. A Legislative Assembly, called a Parliament in my country, is a meeting of sorts where the various ministers in a government as well as others who the public can go to to voice out concerns on certain issues in a country that can be addressed later, called in my country Members of Parliament (MPs), gather to discuss certain issues on how we can help the country. I actually plan on going to an MP to voice out how we can help those with disabilities. I think you guys should do the same as well and let the government know. I believe we can create a future where people with or without disabilities can learn to accept each other and live happily with no regrets. It's time to step up and do what we must do to create the future we so long to have. I wish to make Wrong Planet more than just a sanctuary for us and into a activist movement and a revolution, one that can rival Autism Speaks. I understand if some of you believe that we can't change the world so suddenly, and I totally agree with you. But if we start now, I know that in a few years or so the future we want can come to realize. Besides, if we don't try now we won't know if it will work. So who's with me?
Wow, I like your idea about helping people with disabilities and others with Autism so you keep it up.
01 Mar 2010, 5:52 pm
Miyah wrote:
ashmeister wrote:
Okay so the title doesn't make any sense, I'd admit that. So I'm gonna get into details now. But before that, there's something you should all know about me. I know that lately I've been posting multiple times very rudely in my topics. I wanna apologize for that if I have been rude. And to the mods I wanna also apologize for breaking the rules here. The reasons for my actions is because I have been going through a really tough time this past month. I've posted what happen to me in another topic so I'm gonna put it in quote here for you're reference:-
Anyway during my leave from NS I've done some thinking. And I've been reading some of the topics here as well concerning Autism and the media. And then I started thinking about my friend as well. I'm the only one among my friends who has the closest thing to a privileged life. So after much thinking, I can only conclude one thing that can only be describe in 2 words: no more. No more was I gonna let our fellow Aspies and those with other disabilities be shunned by society any longer. I finally realized that the most common problems we've faced is not how we survive in society. In fact, we can do things just fine. Of course some of us, with the proper guidance and help, can survive on our own. The real problem is how society is receiving us, or at least most of society, and I've had enough. So I have a plan. I'm not sure if you countries have it but I'm aware that a lot of countries have what is called a Legislative Assembly. A Legislative Assembly, called a Parliament in my country, is a meeting of sorts where the various ministers in a government as well as others who the public can go to to voice out concerns on certain issues in a country that can be addressed later, called in my country Members of Parliament (MPs), gather to discuss certain issues on how we can help the country. I actually plan on going to an MP to voice out how we can help those with disabilities. I think you guys should do the same as well and let your countries' governments know. I believe we can create a future where people with or without disabilities can learn to accept each other and live happily with no regrets. It's time to step up and do what we must do to create the future we so long to have. I wish to make Wrong Planet more than just a sanctuary for us and into a activist movement and a revolution, one that can rival Autism Speaks. I understand if some of you believe that we can't change the world so suddenly, and I totally agree with you. But if we start now, I know that in a few years or so the future we want can come to realize. Besides, if we don't try now we won't know if it will work. So who's with me?
Quote:
Okay so the title kinda isn't specific so I'm gonna explain. There a few things I have to say here. I know some of you have been reading my topics and found me quite rude and to the moderators I know I've broken a few rules so I wanna apologize for all that. The reason why I was behaving like that is because of a number of problems I've been having.
See, in January 11 I was enlisted in National Service (NS). I was assigned as an Assistant Storeman in the Army (Land Military), or more specifically the Headquarters of the Singapore Artillery. That's the division of the Army where they're in-charge of equipments and stuff like that, especially Artillery weapons. But I was only working at the stationary store so It's not the "Big guns". Anyway I was facing a great of problems soon after in and out of camp.
Some of my problems included my Dad and friends from out of camp giving me a lot of pressure. My Dad 'cause he had a great deal of pride that I'm serving the nation, or atleast that was what I thought. As for my friends, see they all have AS like alot of us, one possibly having HFA and they were telling me I should show everyone that Aspies can do NS. I realised that if I ever screwed up, I'd be giving us a bad name. Among all my friends, the one who gave that much stress the most was my friend who probably has HFA Ruenn Sheng, who's also a member here on Wrong Planet.
I was also having problems in camp as well. The first was the job itself. I was going alot of stress. No, not mental or psychological stress but more of physical stress. Another was my interaction with my fellow NSmen and many others. For some reason they're suspecting that there's something odd with me. I didn't tell them of my condition but they already knew that I have a condition. An example of that is there once I was walking by and some of my fellow NSmen asked my why I was hopping when I walk. I realize I was giving out my symptoms too much.
But the biggest problem of all was my morbid fear of aggressive authority. For some reason, whenever I'm in-front of a super-aggressive higher-up shouting at me or anyone near me or shows a great deal of aggression, I just feel like "dying", like a second identity wakes up and makes me feeling distressed. One of the many times these situations happens was during the Morning Military Marching Parade and after that I went to an empty washroom and started crying, pleading to god to "save me".
With all those problems I couldn't take it anymore. So on February 1, I attempted suicide. But ultimately I could bring myself to kill myself. Deep down, I really didn't wanna kill myself, but at the time I couldn't see any other option. Eventually one of my superiors called me asking where I am. I told where I was. So when he came, he asked me to hand over the scissors I was trying to use to kill myself by stabbing myself and I did. So after talking about my problems, I admitted to Institute of Mental Health, a government mental institution, for 2 days. After which they decided I would be discharged from NS. So currently I've been given Leave for 6 weeks until early March, where they'll finalize the decision whether I should continue NS or not.
Look I'm really sorry to all of you where I betrayed the Autism community. I realised that suicide is never the answer to a problem. And I know alot of you will be angry that I gave us a bad name. But I really hope you can forgive me.
See, in January 11 I was enlisted in National Service (NS). I was assigned as an Assistant Storeman in the Army (Land Military), or more specifically the Headquarters of the Singapore Artillery. That's the division of the Army where they're in-charge of equipments and stuff like that, especially Artillery weapons. But I was only working at the stationary store so It's not the "Big guns". Anyway I was facing a great of problems soon after in and out of camp.
Some of my problems included my Dad and friends from out of camp giving me a lot of pressure. My Dad 'cause he had a great deal of pride that I'm serving the nation, or atleast that was what I thought. As for my friends, see they all have AS like alot of us, one possibly having HFA and they were telling me I should show everyone that Aspies can do NS. I realised that if I ever screwed up, I'd be giving us a bad name. Among all my friends, the one who gave that much stress the most was my friend who probably has HFA Ruenn Sheng, who's also a member here on Wrong Planet.
I was also having problems in camp as well. The first was the job itself. I was going alot of stress. No, not mental or psychological stress but more of physical stress. Another was my interaction with my fellow NSmen and many others. For some reason they're suspecting that there's something odd with me. I didn't tell them of my condition but they already knew that I have a condition. An example of that is there once I was walking by and some of my fellow NSmen asked my why I was hopping when I walk. I realize I was giving out my symptoms too much.
But the biggest problem of all was my morbid fear of aggressive authority. For some reason, whenever I'm in-front of a super-aggressive higher-up shouting at me or anyone near me or shows a great deal of aggression, I just feel like "dying", like a second identity wakes up and makes me feeling distressed. One of the many times these situations happens was during the Morning Military Marching Parade and after that I went to an empty washroom and started crying, pleading to god to "save me".
With all those problems I couldn't take it anymore. So on February 1, I attempted suicide. But ultimately I could bring myself to kill myself. Deep down, I really didn't wanna kill myself, but at the time I couldn't see any other option. Eventually one of my superiors called me asking where I am. I told where I was. So when he came, he asked me to hand over the scissors I was trying to use to kill myself by stabbing myself and I did. So after talking about my problems, I admitted to Institute of Mental Health, a government mental institution, for 2 days. After which they decided I would be discharged from NS. So currently I've been given Leave for 6 weeks until early March, where they'll finalize the decision whether I should continue NS or not.
Look I'm really sorry to all of you where I betrayed the Autism community. I realised that suicide is never the answer to a problem. And I know alot of you will be angry that I gave us a bad name. But I really hope you can forgive me.
Anyway during my leave from NS I've done some thinking. And I've been reading some of the topics here as well concerning Autism and the media. And then I started thinking about my friend as well. I'm the only one among my friends who has the closest thing to a privileged life. So after much thinking, I can only conclude one thing that can only be describe in 2 words: no more. No more was I gonna let our fellow Aspies and those with other disabilities be shunned by society any longer. I finally realized that the most common problems we've faced is not how we survive in society. In fact, we can do things just fine. Of course some of us, with the proper guidance and help, can survive on our own. The real problem is how society is receiving us, or at least most of society, and I've had enough. So I have a plan. I'm not sure if you countries have it but I'm aware that a lot of countries have what is called a Legislative Assembly. A Legislative Assembly, called a Parliament in my country, is a meeting of sorts where the various ministers in a government as well as others who the public can go to to voice out concerns on certain issues in a country that can be addressed later, called in my country Members of Parliament (MPs), gather to discuss certain issues on how we can help the country. I actually plan on going to an MP to voice out how we can help those with disabilities. I think you guys should do the same as well and let your countries' governments know. I believe we can create a future where people with or without disabilities can learn to accept each other and live happily with no regrets. It's time to step up and do what we must do to create the future we so long to have. I wish to make Wrong Planet more than just a sanctuary for us and into a activist movement and a revolution, one that can rival Autism Speaks. I understand if some of you believe that we can't change the world so suddenly, and I totally agree with you. But if we start now, I know that in a few years or so the future we want can come to realize. Besides, if we don't try now we won't know if it will work. So who's with me?
Wow, I like your idea about helping people with disabilities and others with Autism so you keep it up.
Then why don't you help us out and go meet up with your country's government and let them know. Like I said, I plan on starting a revolution to help all those in need on a global scale. It's time we stop talking about how we can help others in need and start putting it into action.
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Hello, friends.
02 Mar 2010, 5:15 am
It is an excellent thing you are externalizing this and want to do something positive and constructive as a response.
Please bear in mind. Politicians can be some of the most highly evolved social manipulators
out there.
Be careful they do not assess you in 0.1 seconds and work out how to use you in their overall game plan.
It is most likely they will give you something detailed to do that will take ages. This will be to harness your raw energy and enthusiasm.
There are whole projects in this country designed to harness the energy of creative, driven individuals that will never quite come to fruition because they were never intended to do so. The primary purpose of these projects is to neutralize the threat against the general game plan of whatever political group is in power, and more importantly the interests they represent. ( You know like the drug companies that generate the taxes and provide the employment.)
They will also use one body of campaigners against another when appropriate, there are whole departments of The Civil Service which work out how to "divide and rule" by playing one campaign group off against another.
Politics is a very dirty business, especially at election times. They will certainly lie to you, some of the time.
02 Mar 2010, 8:55 am
ruennsheng wrote:
ashmeister wrote:
Dude this isn't a idea: it's an action in which I'm looking for people to help me in.
Oops I misread your posts, it's stupid for me to not understand that you meant action. I am really stupid! But sigh.
You're talking about supporting us but have you ever thought of helping us? I mean we could really use your help here........
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Hello, friends.
