I Need a Break

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I didn't want to stop posting in the forums because I wanted to be an active participant in the community, not a distant observer and commentator.

Unfortunately, my time in the trenches has resulted in several very severe meltdowns. I may seem very confident and have frequently been described as "cunning." This is a misconception. I mostly just fly by the seat of pants. I have feelings and they are easily hurt.

I will continue writing for Wrong Planet and Autism Speaks and am very excited about my book and my upcoming appearance on Autism Talk TV.

This isn't a play for sympathy. I just want everyone to know that I have chosen to take a long break from posting in the forums, not because I don't enjoy it, but because it is threatening my health.

My meltdowns are really bad. I try not to write about the negative aspects of my autism, because I really do want to promote a neurodiverse message, but I'm no stranger to autistic ailments. I had a severe meltdown last night triggered by some of the stuff that has been going on. My brother laid on top of me last night. That helped a lot. When I have meltdowns I... um... I look really ridiculous. I cry, and scream, and beat my head against walls, and throw things, and flap my hands, and hyperventilate. I pace and rock and... just act really autistic. They are terrifying. I can't breath and get suicidal. This frightens and confuses my family, because they have not been trained to understand these outbursts.

Most of the posters here and elsewhere remain anonymous. By being open with my identity, I have invited both opportunity and enormous grief. Some people have questioned my claims of being attacked. Trust me guys, I know of very few "terrorists" here on Wrong Planet. However, I can assure you that they are out there. I have been continually attacked through numerous online avenues since I began writing. Myself and my family have been threatened, lied about, mocked relentlessly, and pushed to the edge. I do my best to ignore all this, but as I've said, I do have feelings, and it is becoming harder and harder not to react. Some people close to me have been very hurt by all this. Some of them have not reacted well. I have not always been mature and levelheaded myself.

I really am no one special, but overnight I found myself the topic of heated conversation in countless threads all over the Internet. Some people said some incredibly hurtful things. I tried very, very hard not to reveal how distressed I was by all of this. These past few years have been very difficult, and I've only publicly revealed a fraction of the suffering myself and my family have experienced.

I don't need this additional stress. Please forgive any controversy resulting from my presence here. I never wanted or expected it. I conducted an interview. I really didn't think it would be widely read. I certainly did not expect it to upset so many people. I was not prepared for some of the vicious attacks.

I may seem very self-assured and capable. The truth is that I only do one thing well - I write. Outside of my writing, I am not terribly successful. I can't understand the emotions of others, or recognize and control my own. I have severe meltdowns. I'm always putting my foot in my mouth.

I'm very, very stressed and depressed right now, because I'm worried I will never be able to care for a family of my own. I want so badly to have a wife and children and be able to make them happy.

Worrying about my online reputation ads too much stress. I need to take a break. Thank you all for understanding.

its a good choice. i could actually tell at some points that you were not at your best. i myself, got tired of arguing with a vaccine conspiracy theorist. it was rather a circular debate. i now make a point to step out of the conversation at this point. or frequent another forum that is not a battle line. at any rate please don't reply to this

I think this place needs a break from you too.

I would stick to the writing and let other people fight for the reputation of autism speaks

Yeah. Maybe a break is best. Whenever I see your username, "Piano Man" by Billy Joel gets stuck in my head. Just thought I'd put that out there.

When I needed to take a break I don't think I drew everyone's attention to it.

Funny thing how everyone is different, isn't it?

Everyone has their own needs and ways of handling things.

TM, good luck finding the right balance that works for you.

Why not "Mr. Tambourine Man", by Bob Dylan?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVuVXqWfQeE[/youtube]

I love that song so much it's ridiculous.

Yep. He's my hero.

is the break over? if not please donate your earwax to help autistic snails http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4153308.html#4153308

The break is from all things political. I will still post here and there on, um, less controversial subjects.

It would be nice if you were not contradictary. Taking a break doesn't mean hovering around in less controversial subjects. Just saying. :|

lol gedrene take a break from the accusations. he's just trying to deal with stress.

"I'm sure glad I'm not me." - Bob Dylan reading a newspaper article about himself.

Hi Tambourine-Man. I didn't notice until a couple days ago that you were the same person that I see with Alex on one of the front pages of WP when I get into the forums. I have known you most by seeing you here in these advocacy posts. And I have noticed the debates here---but I have not gotten involved in them because I just don't know exactly what is going on with your situation.

Anyway...

As you noted in a previous post, taking a break from these political posts and posting instead in less stressful threads sounds like a good idea in my opinion. I have had around 3 really stressful times here on the WrongPlanet since I joined in 2008. Each time tended to center around challenges involving certain threads I was active in. At those times I used to feel the anxiety flood me when I hit the log in button in preparation for reading what had been posted since my last visit to those certain threads. I am assuming that this is how you are feeling about your certain threads.

Something I have done when I feel anxiety here, but yet want to spend time here, is to go to the games threads. There are several fun threads that just help to pass the time---whether it be counting games or guessing who will post next. There are plenty of word games and the such. But there is virtually nothing there that I feel would cause stress. Maybe you could try some of those and then perhaps visit the random threads, general, and member discussions and ignore the political and advocacy threads for awhile.