"Autism is Not About You" article

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http://thedailybanter.com/2014/05/autis ... about-you/

I like this impassioned piece, with its clarity, focus and relevance to the USA status quo re autism..

In my own thinking, I ponder why there is such a difference between the dominant approaches to autism in New Zealand and the USA. Parent organisations here don't try to dominate and push their own narratives, there are no eugenicist/curebie organisations targeting ASD people with aggressive PR in the popular press or lobbying intended to shape hostile attitudes to the "curse" of autism. No-one lobbies governments either local or central to legislate for programs hostile to ASD children like ABA or to "licence ABA operatives"..

Historically, New Zealand and the USA have two important similarities: the cultures which are dominant now have their antecedents in the pioneer culture that the WASP settlers established, which allocated no room for difference, particularly racial difference, from themselves.

We still remain alike in many ways, though our political and electoral systems are radically different though both function (at least nominally!) in the name of democratic process.

Pioneer societies have a tendency to pass down utilitarian attitudes to later generations, and the assumptions of utilitarianism can become so embedded in the culture that no-one much notices it in the present. People who cannot be 'utilised' to the same extent as the majority in pioneer cultures automatically tend to be viewed as lesser in every way, even in the ways that they are not different.

Our two countries historically have these antecedents in common, though it is not overtly noticeable here, whereas it seems to me much more so in-your-face in the USA. The utilitarian worldview tends to deem people in only two ways: as useful or useless with nothing much in between that dichotomy.

You see it most strongly in New Zealand in prejudice toward people of an advanced age - considered by a sizable part of the younger population as of no (work) use, and therefore no value, and therefore not meriting any entitlements.. and expression of this prejudice goes unchecked, just as expression of prejudice toward the autistic goes unchecked in the states.

So the parallels are much greater than the differences, and perhaps I notice that in autism issues the most because of personal and familial connections.

Steve Selberman author the pro neurodiversity book discussed often here has gotten a very positive reaction in numourous top mainstream media publications. it was enough to force Autism Speaks to react and react pathetically. So hopefully this is the beginning of a reversal of the autism burden narrative prevelent here since the 1940's.

Yes, I share your hopes on that APOM.

Oh...

So THAT's the outside perspective on my impulse to get the frack out of America... or secede. Demographically speaking I definitely don't belong here, I just have a serious interest in keeping ties with others like myself...

Life with an ASD is hard enough, without being told by the clueless media that not only are we allegedly burdens upon our families and society in general and that we're unaware of the suffering we allegedly cause, but that it is all somehow our fault.

There are websites devoted to women who b**** about their ASD-afflicted ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands, and how ASD is all about how men deprive women of love and affection.

Let's hope that neither of the author's sons ever hooks up with one of those women.

Yes, and some of those women come here too, purporting to seek 'help and advice' then have the effrontery to b.... at WP people for not offering them the whole nine yards of immediate, unqualified sympathy and telling them how right they are..and I have recently run out of tolerance for them.

Some have even come here offering 'help and advice', only to turn against us when the truth of our lives shatters the fantasies of theirs.

They seem to believe that they know all that there is to know about having an ASD, when they really only want to barke at us for not being the cringing, crying whipping-pets that they seem to so desperately want us to be.

I like that article a lot, especially this quote:

It hits the nail on the head. My family is like this, and they have known me all my life. As it says in the article, just because she has two children with ASDs, it doesn't make her an expert. My mother claims to know how I function, but she doesn't even ask me if she's correct, she just assumes. My family, and other people assume I'm "acting up" on purpose, and they try to shame me every single time anything happens, in order to get me to "stop".

The family friend, on the other hand, though he has known me and the family for over 10 years, from the very beginning he tried to understand me. He doesn't blame me or try to make me feel bad for how I am. He never has. Whenever I've reminded him that I haven't made him feel bad on purpose, he listens and believes me. He's about the only stable person I have in my family who is willing to meet me halfway. Nobody else listens to me. People refuse to believe that I think in a completely different way from them. They would rather believe that I'm doing it on purpose. They think that I choose to have meltdowns, even though it makes me physically ill, and it really humiliates me. That is not an exaggeration. They really believe I do it on purpose. They think I refuse to cooperate just to be horrible, but the truth is they never ask me why. Or when they do, they can't face the truth.

The biggest obstacle is that NTs just can't face the truth. It is too hard for them to imagine it. In all honesty, a lot of real understanding comes from intelligence, and open-mindedness. It is ironic that NTs are just as rigid in thinking as aspies are. Yes, they are. The only way to see it is to get them to imagine an aspies' POV. Otherwise manners and courtesy mask most of peoples' real rigidity, so it's overlooked. Then an aspie comes along with their literalness and highlights it.

Thank you so much for that thoughtful and heartfelt reply Smudge.

As I read it there was some sort of recognition process going on for me, and then I realised that your post was expressing/could have been written by my grandson.

I am the only person he really trusts, at least for now. His stepmother, whom I like as a person and who has many admirable qualities, refuses to accept any behaviour that is not NT, blames him for meltdowns, provokes him in ways she does not realise and refuses to learn about, with the result that she lives in a current state of anger and he lives in an ongoing state of deep hurt and anger. His father has taken an "anything for peace" stance and has chosen to ignore the situation. So I suppose the article also rang that bell in some way.

The only good thing about this is that all 3 parties like and trust me, so I have a chance to facilitate some conflict resolution and healing (which they have all very recently agreed to participate in) and that's what we will engage in when I am well enough which I hope will be very soon. It is not a hopeless situation as long as the will to heal it is there in all parties, who are all capable of sensitivity and kindness to others..

I guess the other response to the article that happened for me, is the way that the "ownership" of ASDs has been so hijacked... by certain organisations which, like Voldemort, shall not be named. Perhaps the final showdown is coming!

I'm reading the book question and the author mentions that the burden and financial costs to society were the reasoning the Nazis used to murder disabled people.