Dear Autism

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Dear autism,

Where do I start? You have been in my life the whole time, and you’ve seen me grow and flourish into the person I am today. I want to thank you for making me an individual. I am proud to have you. Thank you for making me funny, for making me unique and making me empathetic. Thank you for giving me quirks, giving me “special interests” and making me kind. Thank you for making me friendly and thank you for making me good at remembering things, even if they are silly pointless facts or people from a long time ago. Thank you for being a part of me.

I’m sorry to admit it, but I used to be ashamed of you. I used to hide you and make sure nobody could ever find out you were there. I went through great lengths to cover you up and because of that, I put you and myself under a lot of strain and made myself very ill. I’m really sorry to have done that, both to you and myself. Hiding you put a lot of pressure on my mental health and eventually I cracked. I now know that hiding you isn’t and never will be an option.

If I want to live a fulfilled life, I have to embrace you and work with you and most importantly, I have to accept you. I know you are a part of me and if somebody doesn’t like that, or sees me in a different way because they have found out about you, that’s their problem, not ours. I am special, and if someone can’t see that I’m better off without them in my life.

Of course, you have things about you that I’d rather you didn’t — but everyone has their faults. For example, I’d prefer if you didn’t make me sensitive to noise, and I wish I was able to understand sarcasm and tell the time properly. But again, I refuse to see these things as faults and instead prefer to view them as things that are a part of me, that I have to find ways to deal and manage, either on my own or with the help of my family and friends.

I’m grateful you’re in my life, as you’ve helped shape me into the person I am today. I know I have treated the diagnosis of you badly and dismissed it, but I have learned now that I need to embrace you. Thank you.