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Shakti
Deinonychus
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Joined: 16 Nov 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 328
Location: Rotterdam, NL

24 Nov 2017, 6:46 am

I realized this morning, after reading stories that are similar to ours about mothers and children being unjustly separated, that the only way there will be a happy ending is if someone in power puts pressure on child services to do the right thing and speed up the reunion between my son and I. This person could be someone in the Dutch government, any government, a journalist, a celebrity who retweets our story, anyone. Also, someone who points out to them that separating an autistic child from their mother will make the child's autism more severe could also be helpful.

It's way too triggering to type out our story again. So here's a few links to posts on here I've typed out already:

viewtopic.php?t=356784
viewtopic.php?t=356621
viewtopic.php?t=356741

Thank you for any help anyone can give.


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Tawaki
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25 Nov 2017, 9:27 pm

This is your problem

http://veldlaw.nl/en/services/family-la ... etherlands

I live in the states, so giving you legal advice is worthless.

From what I hunted on the net, in the Netherlands both parents get custody. (usually) It's almost not an option to debate if one gets sole or joint custody. From everything I hunted down, your situation is EXTREMELY unusual.

I don't know how the Netherlands views Autism or parents who have mental health issues/developmental issues who are parenting special needs kids.

Because your situation seems to be so rare, the great unwashed defaults to the court system. The situation must really be beyond the pale to separate the child from both the mother and father. (that's how they think)

The problem is, in the states, divorcing parents will drag each other's substance abuse, mental health issues, ASD, etc etc etc into the court system to maneuver the best custody deal. One mom I know with ASD, her ex recorded her meltdowns, and submitted it as proof she was a s**t, unstable parent. Here it gets ugly and nasty fast for regular NTs, let alone everyone else.

Allegedly, this does not happen in the Netherlands. What could flip this the other way? Graft/corruption/father has relatives in high places/father has connections that makes sole custody doable...only you know, and I couldn't figure it out from the three threads you wrote.

If you lived in the states, your situation wouldn't surprise me. The Netherlands allegedly has fairly even handed divorce laws.

The only thing I can think of is your meltdowns, depending on how violent they are. Where I live, if my husband tears up the place during a meltdown, I could file for domestic violence charges if I say I fear for my life. The fact he has ASD is irrelevant.

What does your lawyer say about all this? The Netherlands divorce procedures seem almost mundane to the slash, blast and burn mess we have have.

I send you hugs. I hope you can see your son sooner than later. The pain must be unbearable.



Shakti
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 16 Nov 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 328
Location: Rotterdam, NL

26 Nov 2017, 6:22 am

Basically, they are breaking the rules, and getting away with it through their gaslighting of me. I cannot heal as long as they are abusing me, and they people abusing me have the full sanctioning of the law here. No one believes me that my meltdowns come entirely from the fact that I keep getting abused and no one is protecting me. I'm not really coherent to type right now, but they've completely destroyed mine and my son's life.


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League_Girl
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27 Nov 2017, 11:02 am

Tawaki wrote:
This is your problem

http://veldlaw.nl/en/services/family-la ... etherlands

I live in the states, so giving you legal advice is worthless.

From what I hunted on the net, in the Netherlands both parents get custody. (usually) It's almost not an option to debate if one gets sole or joint custody. From everything I hunted down, your situation is EXTREMELY unusual.

I don't know how the Netherlands views Autism or parents who have mental health issues/developmental issues who are parenting special needs kids.

Because your situation seems to be so rare, the great unwashed defaults to the court system. The situation must really be beyond the pale to separate the child from both the mother and father. (that's how they think)

The problem is, in the states, divorcing parents will drag each other's substance abuse, mental health issues, ASD, etc etc etc into the court system to maneuver the best custody deal. One mom I know with ASD, her ex recorded her meltdowns, and submitted it as proof she was a s**t, unstable parent. Here it gets ugly and nasty fast for regular NTs, let alone everyone else.

Allegedly, this does not happen in the Netherlands. What could flip this the other way? Graft/corruption/father has relatives in high places/father has connections that makes sole custody doable...only you know, and I couldn't figure it out from the three threads you wrote.

If you lived in the states, your situation wouldn't surprise me. The Netherlands allegedly has fairly even handed divorce laws.

The only thing I can think of is your meltdowns, depending on how violent they are. Where I live, if my husband tears up the place during a meltdown, I could file for domestic violence charges if I say I fear for my life. The fact he has ASD is irrelevant.

What does your lawyer say about all this? The Netherlands divorce procedures seem almost mundane to the slash, blast and burn mess we have have.

I send you hugs. I hope you can see your son sooner than later. The pain must be unbearable.


What happens if both parents are disabled so they use their disorders against each other for custody, what happens in court?


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


Shakti
Deinonychus
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Joined: 16 Nov 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 328
Location: Rotterdam, NL

27 Nov 2017, 11:41 am

I don't know. My ex said there was talk that he was on the spectrum growing up but no official diagnosis, he does have a diagnosis of dyslexia. I'm sure I'm on the spectrum, but I'm staying in the closet about it as my son does have an official diagnosis.


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