"Your autism must be mild." Response ideas?

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"Your autism must be mild." or "You don't look autistic." or any other similar response to you telling someone you're autistic.

While those kinds or responses might be well intentioned, they also might be an alternative to saying: "I don't believe you." or "I think you've been misdiagnosed." or "You must just want attention."

I'd like to see what you think a good response/comeback would be to statements like the above. Please share your ideas.

I heard a professor who specialized in autism give a speech (I watched on Youtube) and he said that if he gets 100 random people from anywhere in the world, he said it averages that 6% will have enough traits to be classed as being on the spectrum. He said in the more "Keyed up" western world, only 2.5% or less will have been diagnosed (In the UK it is said to be only 1%), and in other countries the percentages will be even less.

Now consider 6%. That is quite a lot, so it goes to show how easily people can be overlooked.

You can mention that the worst cases are the easiest to detect. This does not mean that the other cases do not suffer issues, as many issues are very hidden. They may not see under the cool and calm exterior, how ones interior may be in turmoil.
They may have never felt such debilitating anxiety that one can't move.
They may never need to mask just to appear to be socially acceptable.
They may never know what it feels like to be marginalized or ignored because one is different, or excluded from conversations or from various team activities... I know and I never really knew why... I tended to be a bit of a loner... Not because I intended to be but because I struggled to connect.

I have to be honest ad say that I marvel how some people seem to have the gift that attracts others to them...

I rarely EVER tell anyone about my diagnosis.

The irony is that many folks I work with or whatever think I am weird. And being an aspie would explain the weirdness. But many of the same folks who probably think I am strange might have said something disbelieving if I had told them about being on the spectrum.

One guy did say "you don't show it" (someone in a govt. assistance office whom I had good reason to mention it). And I took it as the compliment that it was meant as. Though it kinda bemused me. Like being thrown a curveball.

But yes...it can be meant as a compliment, or it can be meant as a passive aggressive attack on your credibility. And for that very reason(this ambiguity of possible intents and meanings) its socially complicated to come up with a "come back".

I dunno.

But I would just try not mentioning it all in the first place...unless its behind closed doors with a higher up...and its to get some kind of specific thing - like accomadation at work for your autism.

Sorry. I answered from the wrong angle of approach.

You could give a funny reply?

This response to "you don't look Autistic" amuses me although I haven't tried it: "It surprised me also! Just like me to not fit the stereotype!" or to "mild" I'd love to launch into a long monologue of characteristics, impact and studies... that would be fun! I did explain to a friend how HARD the "everyday" is.

My challenge is how to address this for my daughter --- so far ASD (I allege) has been "benign" for her (age --- I was already significantly depressed by that age; she seems to be fairing better. Teachers don't "see" it in her. Friends notice "mild" traits (she does her own thing, she's so quiet at times, yet so smiley and loud other times). She has had peers ask her about her flapping and she says "I do this when I am excited or stressed." My ASD is mild to moderate; what is hers and how will we manage others perceptions...

I recently disclosed to two friends. Neither had suspected me of being ASD. But, they both thought they might be. One I think is confusing introversion with ASD, so I had him take the AQ test and he did 24. The other one is a little stereotypical AS but I didn't send him a link to the AQ test. So anyway, my point is they both understood you can be ASD without any obvious signs. I don't think most people understand that very well.

i tell them "YMMV."

I'm not mild. I'm extra spicy.

^^^indubitably.

I guess type 1 autism could be seen as 'mild' autism. Therefore the ones saying 'your autism must be mild' are not really wrong if your symptoms are not blatantly obvious. They likely don't understand in what ways 'mild' autism can impact your life, but they're not wrong.

I didn't tell many people about my autism. The one time I got a "You don't look autistic" response that was obviously meant to imply that I am not autistic, I told the person "I have an official diagnosis" she went on in an angry tone about how the diagnostician must have been completely inept at her job and I told her "A psychologist specialized in autism probably knows more about autism than you do". Not all people will accept that you're autistic. Nothing can be done about that.

I answer that "yes, it's the 'get-stuff-done' kind of autism," and usually laugh with them. No reason to claim I'm inCreDIBlY dIsABleD when I'm just a normal guy who happens to be autistic.

Sadly, people are apathetic and because they don’t have time to check the facts. Why would NT`s be interested in Autism if there not effected in some way by it? as either autistic person, parent or carer etc..

It’s how powers that be get away with manipulating the media into telling you what they want you to hear, because they know a large % will never fact check the info presented, but the same false message is constantly repeated to the ignorant.

I rarely have occasion to mention autism to anyone outside the autism community, other than the relatives I contacted for information about my childhood when seeking a diagnosis. None of them seemed surprised by the possibility that I might be autistic.

If I were to have occasion to mention autism to someone else outside the autism community, and if the person were to respond by saying "Your autism must be mild," hopefully I would have the presence of mind to say something like, "Yes, it's only ASD Level 1 not Level 3, but I have difficulties such as ...." and then give a few examples, with an emphasis on whatever issues I need the other person to accommodate.

Sadly,when many people think of Autism,they think of Classic Autism,and they think if you have Asperger Syndrome,you can't struggle in life.Yes Asperger Syndrome is usually much more mild than Classic Autism(LFA or HFA),but this doesn't mean we don't have our own struggles.I usually don't tell people(outside of my parents) that I have AS/ASD unless it's absolutely necessary. However sometimes even my parents find it hard to believe that I'm on the Autism Spectrum because I'm not severe enough.Frustrating cycle.