The invisible oppression of the autistic female

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https://www.peoplesworld.org/article/the-invisible-oppression-of-the-autistic-female/
Chloé Caldasso is a Los Angeles native with a background in film/television, social media management, and research. The daughter of Brazilian immigrants with a history of activism and opposing the conservative right, she has dedicated herself to taking a stand against all forms of oppression and exploitation. Through her writing, she hopes to do her part in globally uniting people into solidarity and action.

Her story is relatable, too many autistic women slip through the net and the gatekeepers are often the mores in our worlds. Perhaps though, women can raise the profile of autism and push for accomodations in a way that men alone cant.

Yet I find the last paragraph highlighting autistic men, alarming, its divisive, a "with me or against me" mentality and that's somewhat typical of today's world. I'm not a fan of a faction type approach, there is more potential in unity.

I relate to a lot of that.
It's good to see someone bringing to public discourse some of the more gender-specific ways in which we struggle, which have so far not been well recognised.

Oh, that explains why she referred to capitalism in the piece.
But yes, in general the piece doesn't seem strongly politically motivated.

Lets assume I am on the spectrum as though I share more then 20 traits, I have not been assessed yet.
If I am on the spectrum then I have done so much masking that my whole autistism is more like a typical womans autism then a mans (If that makes sense?). In a way it may have been harder then if I was a woman because it has taken me far longer to realize this then it would have taken if I was a woman, because though women are harder to assess due to the masking, as I have been so good at masking, and the typical thought is that men are less likely to mask then women, I have found myself easily doubling the number of years that I have drifted through life not really having an identity. I had ALWAYS thought that I was one of a kind and I have been told this so many times! The real shock for me on finding this site was to find more people out there who were like me, and also in finding that the elements of what I assumed to be my "Unique character" just so happened to be autism traits. (I made a lits of the traits that a close friend mentioned that I have (This close friend knows a lot about autism) and the list went close to 30 traits... And only two I am not sure if I have, and also the majority of traits she recognized in me I did not realize were traits!)
I have felt like I was "Drifting" through life like one of those beach bums who has no purpose, while I watch others who are roughly my age set up homes and have families... It was like I did not know how to do that? How to be normal? How to get a girlfriend? How to act like a head of the household if I did? Things that come naturally to others seem to be a mystery to me, and attempts to find out could not be answered because how can someone answer such a mystery of how they ended up with a girlfriend and how things went from there? They just would say it is what happens inlife. They could not answer in a way that I could "Fathom" these mysteries out. All that I knew was that I was being left behind from lifes experiences, and I was following them along the riverbank not knowing how to dive in!
I remember when I was five or six and in school the teacher, Miss Rees, who was a kind elderly lady reading to the class the story of "The Ugly Duckling" and I remember thinking to myself "That's Me!"
But looking back, I don't think I am a swan yet. I feel that I am one of those scrawly grey nearly adult signets which is half way to gaining his beautiful feathers, and I am not too far off hitting my 50's!

But now, I am not too sure how things are panning out. With this virus stuff going on, will I be assessed? Will it give me answers? While I don't know if I need support or not, but in reality, my Mum has already done that as she supports me and I support her. It is wierd because I know that if I am on the spectrum, my Mum is too... But also, that in the past when I tried to live alone in my own house (Which due to burnout I had to quit a decent job and sell the house for half its value to prevent myself going into debt and also to unload as many responsibilities as I could as burnout can hit you like this!)... But for the brief time I tried living at my house on my own it just wasn't working.... I had plenty to do but I lacked the ability to do it! I mean... Well. I needed a prompt to get my thoughts in order. I had lots of the things I needed to do and also the little projects I had for myself, but with no one to talk to I could not bounce these thoughts into prompts and so I juat sat there not being able to do anything somehow!
And yet I have always struggled to retain my independence. Little did I realize how just by having my Mum here did it make a difference to my life. Just someone to listen and speak to express my thoughts triggers me into action. And yet, somehow most people I can't do this with as they either don't have the patience to hear, or I far more likely just don't connect somehow to be able to share my thoughts and feelings?

But anyway, life on this sparcely populated little mental island which needs a few people there but not too many or too much going on is a fine balance, as recently there has been a little too much going on and the island has been slightly too populated due to this lockdown. (I am not really on an island... Ok.. The UK is a group of islands but I am using "Island" as an imaginary concept to describe my feelings).

I think that many of the problems the author identifies, like “camouflaging” or being misdiagnosed, are actually common for guys as well. I am sure that women face unique challenges. In fact...many of the wonderful books about being an Aspie that I have read were written by or about women. From the excellent "Nerdy, Shy and Socially Inappropriate" by Cynthia Kim, the heartbreaking "Finding Ben", "Songs of the Gorilla Nation", "Elijah's Cup"...I could go on.

The bashing of Capitalism is just silly. I think the PC is the greatest tool autistic people could ask for. It allows them to socialize without awkwardness, write without handwriting issues, and pursue our precious special interests to the nth degree. Master it and a realm of high paying jobs are available. If you can't work, Capitalist profits can provide SSI to keep you alive.

The Commies would have you working twelve hours in a rice paddy, with no computer in the hovel that you shambled back to.

You: She didn't actually say anything specific about capitalism.

Her: Living with autism in a neurotypical world is challenging enough as it is, but throw capitalism into the mix, and there is a whole new dimension to it. With the service industry growing exponentially, the job market is evolving to select for outgoing, socially skilled workers. This makes it drastically more difficult for autistic adults to provide for themselves and live fulfilling lives.

You: Computers are manufactured with toxic materials that destroy the health of the Eastern Asian wage slaves who have little choice but to build them. They also emit radiation. They aren't such a great thing, actually.

Me: Water is overrated. You can drown in it!

You: And not everybody's special interest requires a computer.

Me: Again, pedantic and argumentative. MANY special interests are enhanced richly by them

You: Are you another one of those people who have a view of communism that has nothing whatsoever to do with its ideological roots?

Me: My view of communism is based on its sordid history, not what theorists wish that history was

Things like this just make me feel even more isolated, because I can’t relate at all. I can’t “mask” to save my life. I didn’t lose friends because I didn’t have any in the first place. It’s blatantly obvious to anyone who actually knows what autism is that I’m autistic no matter how hard I might try to “camouflage,” and for those who don’t, it’s still obvious that something’s “different” about me. I was diagnosed when I was in fourth grade and was not given any misdiagnoses beforehand. Overall, I feel like I can’t group myself with “autistic females” because it appears that in most ways, despite the fact that I am biologically female, my autism presents itself more in a masculine way.

I can’t “mask” to save my life. I didn’t lose friends because I didn’t have any in the first place. It’s blatantly obvious to anyone who actually knows what autism is that I’m autistic no matter how hard I might try to “camouflage,” and for those who don’t, it’s still obvious that something’s “different” about me.

Whoa, those sentences set off some powerful memories for me! I grew up in a when and where nobody was talking about Aspergers...but everybody just knew that I was different. "You always seem so...happy" I was once told in an incredibly accusatory way (I was usually miserable, btw). "You walk so...funny". Always these observations that seem innocuous but were delivered in a judgmental tone.

I noticed she only talked about social stuff, I can relate to that. Me copying other people and doing it because it's something that nice people do or because it's part of being normal and I thought everyone lived this way but I was just slow at doing it. I can relate to having a friend and then all of a sudden they don't want to sit with you anymore or talk to you. I've always been shamed for my interests. I also think friends I had were just kids being my friend because I was a charity case because I came from a self contained classroom and had been put into a regular class with normal kids full time. So I needed role models, someone who could model normal behavior for me so I would know how to act in school because I acted like other kids in my special class because I thought that was normal behavior in school.

I once asked if anyone on the spectrum had been diagnosed with an adjustment disorder before they knew about autism because the therapist didn't know about autistic burnouts. No one has really said they have so I might be the only one. I remember I went through a nervous breakdown in 6th grade and got very depressed and I wanted to kill myself. I remember then I got so sick of not being accepted and not being normal I didn't want to be alive anymore. I also didn't accept myself so I had internalized ableism. Just like how gays may not accept themselves because of homophobia in society so they are also a homophobic. Some just took it to extreme and sprout homophobic stuff I didn't go making fun of disabled kids or go finding another kid that is more different than me and pick on them. I didn't go this far.

I also wonder how many girls on the spectrum would be labeled as having low self esteem like I was. Being treated like crap and always judged will do it. I was surprised Chloe didn't even mention anxiety when she mentioned what misdiagnoses women with autism may get.

Now today I wonder how my life would have turned out as a child if I had been born 20 years later, it's become cool to be weird and different and nerdy so I might have fit in better and have a better childhood and when bullying is actually taken seriously now than brushed off as kids being kids and just ignore it. I also wonder if I would have been diagnosed too sooner since autism is more known.

I am not sure how old Chloe is.