What living with 'high-functioning' autism in S'pore is like

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I came into the world on Jun. 17, 2009, surprisingly six weeks earlier than I was supposed to. Like most babies, I was screaming like a banshee (a very petite one).

Being born so early, I spent my first two weeks of life in the care of the Intensive Care Unit. I know that this may not have anything to do with me being "on the spectrum" but I thought I may as well mention that, as some medical experts think that premature babies are more likely to develop autism than those that don’t arrive early.

At kindergarten, more problems occurred: I began to withdraw, isolating myself from the other toddlers. This was when my parents (my Mom in particular) picked up on the fact that something was going on with me.

They took me to see many specialists and doctors to figure out what was wrong with me, but each had a different opinion as to what was causing the problems.

Finally, when I was three years old, I was diagnosed with "suspected" Asperger Syndrome Disorder (ASD), which is also known as high-functioning autism; quite common in girls, but difficult to detect, making an accurate diagnosis hard to achieve.

I first learnt I had Asperger's in year 2 of school. At first I didn’t understand a thing about it, the word was so new to me, but I understood that it made me different.

I also have SPD, which affects my hearing: some noises that don’t bother others — humming, raspy breathing, and chewing with your mouth open — really bother me. My sense of touch is affected too and certain textures bother me like inseams of clothing and even the texture of some food.

Many people are disbelieving to learn that I am on the spectrum because my autism was barely noticeable. But it feels very real to me.

Aspies like me have a different perspective on the world — it feels like we see different shades of colours, that most others are colourblind to. We hear sounds that no others can hear, feel things no others can.

Being born with Asperger's, I struggle with certain things that come easily to neurotypical people.

I used to have a lot of difficulty with my motor skills, which meant I had difficulty using some of my muscles correctly and with my coordination. I had a lot of trouble when it came to holding things correctly; for example, when I held a pencil or crayon, I’d grip it with my whole fist, this made learning to draw and write a huge challenge.

Sometimes I’d get so frustrated that I would do anything to avoid any activity related to that sort of thing.

But with perseverance and support, I eventually learned to grip it the right way and do not struggle anymore. Now drawing and writing are something I’m really good at.

Over the years, my social skills have really improved, and I’ve been making a lot of friends. However, compared to a lot of my best friends, I am very introverted, and being social all day at school takes up a lot of my energy and wears me out, but I’m still very proud of how far I’ve come with my skills.

Although there are things that I struggle with, I also have many gifts and talents.

Looking back, I’ve come so far since my diagnosis, but I still have lots of pieces to fit in my puzzle.

I have such a strongly built personality, and I’m thriving. I have the support of my loving family, encouraging teachers (this school year has been amazing and I have a lovely pure-hearted teacher) and my supportive and caring friend group.

Sometimes, even with the progress I have made, I can still feel a bit disappointed with myself and compare myself to my friends.

But in the end I realise how unnecessary it is, because although it might not seem like it, I try to imagine how many people would like to be as humorous and vibrant as me.

People in Singapore are reluctant to discuss issues like autism in Singapore.

There really shouldn’t be any shame attached to it and society should lose any fear that’s there, as it doesn’t benefit anyone to pretend it doesn’t exist or just sweep it under the carpet.

Things are improving, but we still have a very rocky path ahead of us.

I wish I could explain clearly to others how the world appears through my eyes, and I hoped that sharing my experience in this book would provide that clarity.

Over the years, my social skills have really improved, and I’ve been making a lot of friends. However, compared to a lot of my best friends, I am very introverted, and being social all day at school takes up a lot of my energy and wears me out, but I’m still very proud of how far I’ve come with my skills.

I have such a strongly built personality, and I’m thriving. I have the support of my loving family, encouraging teachers (this school year has been amazing and I have a lovely pure-hearted teacher) and my supportive and caring friend group.