Long post here, so bigger text for easier reading - hope it helps. I won't be offended if anyone still finds this too long to get through. Anyway, here goes:
It took me a long enough time, but I finally can see now that most people are open minded and legitimately willing to learn and work with me when there's a problem - or else just accept what's happening with me when I can't help running aground, ride it out kindly and patiently with me, and then move on - whether they already know I'm Autistic or I'm only just then telling them about it. But I'm lucky in that I have the benefit of not having to attend school, go to work, or otherwise be stuck with other people I don't want to be around. When things go wrong, seeing how others react tells me a lot about those involved in the situation. Then I know who is safe to be around, which I need because I know things will go wrong from time to time.
A person not knowing enough about autism to be able to grasp the meaning of what you're saying when you tell them is understandable. But acting offended is rude and obnoxious, as is getting incredulous or dismissive, or otherwise being judgemental.
How I explain things, when needed, can depend on the situation. But, of course, trying to answer on the spot can leave me feeling unprepared if I'm having a glitchy brain moment. That being said, here's how I think of being Autistic, for what it's worth, in case any part of this is useful to you as you consider what you'd like to do:
I have difficulty with information flow and handling, from input to internal management to output. My sensory issues are an example of difficulty with input, though not the only kind of thing I experience in that area. Likewise with being presented with a question or situation and developing an appropriate response, which can be fouled up for me by gaps in my understanding of other people and the lag in my ability to process information real-time, which is all internal management stuff. Output involves everything from my occasional problems generating speech, to actually saying things that are awkward and might seem unpleasant in some way, and more.
A person who develops more slowly in their information flow and handling abilities falls more and more behind age peers in many ways, including socially and, consequently, emotionally. A person who is excluded for lagging then lacks regular practice and falls behind even more in their social skills and emotional development, especially during the complexities of adolescence. A person who routinely has to face surprise and general uncertainty of outcome with a frequency, to a degree, and in a way others do not becomes more wary and fragile than others, if there is not sufficient support. A person who is abused by others who think they're strange, burdensome, and annoying, and/or simply for falling behind, will be separated by an even wider gap and suffer a certain amount of warping of social abilities and emotional development. These things can make an individual very vulnerable, stressed, confused, and more likely to have things go wrong, as cognitive resources and energy are overtaxed.
Stimming is both a stress reliever and a fun thing on its own. Nothing needs to be done about it, except if the person doing it wants to be unnoticed, in which case sometimes alternate means may be found that are pretty unobtrusive. Otherwise, it's nothing to get hung up about. It's not dangerous. It just something that happens sometimes.
Meltdowns and shutdowns are the result of many things, such as a variety of kinds of overload, as well as surprises and other situations in which one can feel unprepared. But meltdowns and shutdowns can pass more quickly, or even be nipped in the bud, with good, solid support. This means being able to rely on someone to be calm, patient, and able to stay out of the way far enough to not apply any pressure (even by trying to hard to be helpful or reassuring) but close enough to lend a hand if asked. Mainly, it's important to feel safe.
And, yes, masking is a thing. So, if I don't "seem autistic" it's because I've spent a lot of my life practicing not seeming so, even since long before I would know exactly what that mask was covering, or even realize I was wearing it. It's sometimes protected me, but it's also a great drain on internal resources. I also don't always mask either as well or as poorly as I think, only finding out later how I really appeared.
Other conditions, such as hypotonia and epilepsy, are more common amongst us, but they are not autism itself.
Autism has a strong up side. All variations in life experience afford a difference in perspective, knowledge, skills, etc. That variety is what makes humanity thrive. If Autistics are provided with the time, help, and support we need, cool things can result. Not because we're magical unicorns, but because cool things happen when you let people be themselves instead of trying to make them be someone they're not.
I try to explain things in a friendly way. Decent people will be friendly if I do that. People who are unfriendly about it are not my friends.
_________________
Life is a classroom for a mind without walls.
Loitering is encouraged at The Wayshelter:
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17 Apr 2023, 2:48 am
