Would you donate a kidney?

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It is still a hypothetical question. Meaning I was not asked directely. But it is something I might have to consider in the near future. And I really don't want to. I'm probably somewhat selfish.

Anyway my Dad suffers from a rather rare condition, it damages all mayor organs. His kidneys are worst, but heart and liver are also damaged. There is no actual cure just slowing the thing down. An operation is high risk anyway, just the anesthesia alone will be hard on his system. If it works he might get to live a little longer (the estimate right now is 2-3 years), not quite sure. His imune system is very bad, so a common cold could be fatal any day.

It is weird, he is my father but we never got along very well. If it was my mother with the same problem I probably not even think of it. Well okey I would, but I woudn't be that reluctant. But can I even say no? Imagine my family if I do.( I am the most likely match, maybe the only one, because of blood type and health reasons - but that's not something I know before the hospital does some testing ) They have been talking about a transplant for a while now but never mentioning/asking me directly. However the law in my country is that only close family is allowed to donate, because they wouldn't want black market organ trade. ( I don't know if that differs elsewhere)

I know I am overthinking it, but that's just how I am. I can not stop thinking about it lately :/

my sister needed a kidney. I didn't get tested to see if I was a match. I even hate just needles, so an elective operation would be major. she got a cadaver kidney soon after and is doing fine. not having a kidney transplant is not a death sentence because dialysis helps a great deal.

I couldn't, I only have one kidney left.

Wow that's a tough situation and an even tougher decision.

If it were me and I wasn't real close with my dad and it would've only added 2, maybe 3 years tops I probably wouldn't do it..

As cruel as that may sound those 2/3 years extra wouldn't be worth possibly risking me being healthy for the next 50 years.

But hey, it's easy for me to say that because I'm not in your shoes.

2 or 3 years is was he has right now, which is just a general estimate, it could be 5 if he is lucky. It is quite a complicated condition because all major organs are attacked and they are affecting each other. And it won't change much even with a kidney transplant he is more likely to die of infection or because heart failure. You can live quite a while on dialysis apparently. It is mostly a question of quality of life you really can't do much anymore if your kidneys don't work.

I am also reluctant because of the hospital and tests ect that would be quite difficult for me but probably doable. Donating a kidney should not affect my life expectancy but I don't fancy testing that.

For the rest of my family it is a forgone conclusion that he should try every treatment posssible. I'm a pragmatic person and I don't think medicine is right to try and extend life as long as possible even if it might not be worth living it. It is my worst nightmare having a terminal condition, suffering and not being able to die. A good friends mother had breast cancer and that was horrible to watch. And it already gets hard to watch my father now when he has a bad day. But I can't really go and say that I hope my father dies sooner before his disease becomes unbearable, can I ? But that's another difficult question one can not really answer unless one is personally faced with one's own impending death.

So yes i don't really see the point doing it anyway, but I guess I use that also partly as an excuse. I'm quite sure I won't do it, the only actual reason to is because my family would not understand refusing. That could be quite the fallout I'm afraid. People already think I am cold because I don't see a reason to discuss how unfair it is over and over again. Everybody knows he is not getting better, but they all keep telling him to "get well soon" or ask if he is better now, as if he had the flu or something. And if I tell them he isn't getting any better and they should stop saying it they get angry with me.

Only if I had a good reason.

Helping a stranger would not qualify.

Others can donate here in the US but the doners have to sign releases & get it done in the hospital. Some register to be doners on their licensees. The hospitals have access to a registry database of people who just died who are doners.

I personally wouldn't do it. I never had a close relationship with my dad & he believes in being independent & has been active all his life. I don't think my parents would consider asking me. I'm on a few meds that could potentially affect my kidneys; I had blood-work done during my physical last week to check that amongst other things & I'll get the results when I have my next appointment next month.

Ugh, I just found out recently that my kidneys aren't functioning the way they should and seeing some of the responses on this thread is pretty depressing.

It's not a death sentance, but being stuck in 3-5 hour dialysis sessions several days a week isn't a great way to live, either.

It's a big ask for someone to rip out a chunk of themselves to give to another person.

I already take too many medications for my heart (BP & Cholesterol) to be able to donate a kidney.

Yeah, of course it is. And, I would not wish being in the position of the person who needs to ask a question like that on my worst enemy.

As a Type I Diabetic, I'm not allowed to donate blood. I'm sceptical that I'd be allowed to donate a kidney as well, though if permissible & there was no foreseeable need for a backup kidney in the future than I likely would.

I don't think I'd want to. What if I need it? I also had cancer and did chemotherapy last year so I don't know if I'd qualify to donate any more.

Gotta say for my sister or my partner or kids, I would think about it. But for parents: It may sound really asocial but they are both around 65, already in rent...so there is time enough for them for dialysis-visits, and if they couldnt drive anymore, I´d bring them myself and stay with them if I had to. (But dont think so, my mum is like I am: Giving her something to read is like her entering a galactic time wormhole.)

Sorry if I sound like an ass, so when my mom had an injured leg, I drove her to hospital and movement-therapy, did the gymstuff at home with her, and because of her being totally afraid of needles, even learned how to do that thrombose-vacinations she needed in the morning and the evening. (I already lived on my own then.) So its not generally about helping but I simply think it (means the time the dialysis needs) isnt worth the effort of a kidney. Sorry about that.

My old GP told me 1ce when I was having blood work done(I have small veins that they always have a hard time with) I sort of joked about how I wouldn't be able to donate blood & he said I shouldn't anyways because of some illness I had when I was really little(I don't remember what he said it was but I got over it then). I'm taking some hormone meds now for male-pattern baldness & donating blood isn't allowed with them.


For what it's worth I don't think you sound like an ass. I remember one ep of the Simpsons where homer donated a kidney to grandpa & Lisa said something like "I'm proud of you dad, you significantly shorted your life so someone else could have a slightly longer one." or something like that; it's been ages sense I seen that ep I may be wrong. The life expectancy of the person getting the organ should be factored in to the decision. In the OPs case the parent may olnly live a couple more years with it.. What I meant about my dad was that if he suddenly had to quit being active & independent for the rest of his life because with my organ something as simple as a cold may kill him; changing his way of life like that would be kind of like a death for him anyways. He would rather die than have me donate.

If one of my parents needed one I might consider it.

I would try to leverage that act though by asking the medical industry to lower the costs. Essentially I would try to barter with my kidney for either a discount or for low cost health care for myself in the future. Afterall, I'll just have 1 kidney.