So hard to control

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I have never been officially diagnosed but my parents believe as do and others such as my therapist that I do have asperges. Anyways I have been having problems lately I have been having mini-meltdowns, I am stopping bi polar meds as I do not have bi polar. I put my fiber pills on the bar last night and my mum put them in the bathroom I couldn't find them I got so aggitated then when my dad suggested I look in the bathroom so I go look but I can't find them I almost got to the point I was going to go and tear the bathroom up just to find them. My dad found them and was happy again. I have also been reacting more adversely to people touching me, and other stuff.

I was misdiagnosed with bi polar five years ago since that diagnoses has gone the way of the dino however I am just getting off the lithium. Could this just be the normal process of my brain chemistry returning to normal??

I have a similar problem from time to time. It often happens when a routine I had has ended (like in your case no longer taking lithium and no longer thinking of yourself as bipolar), or a plan I had fell through. Sudden changes like that can shake us Aspies up and make us irritable.

Sometimes its to much and I want to die not because I want to but because I don't like the feeling of being tense.

Also lately I can't sleep without music on all night, and my speech has gotten more basic most the time its very proper with advanced words thrown in but lately its just basic.

I think it would be good for you to spend time on things that do not involve language in any way, and no time pressure of any kind. Walking or swimming in the wild, drawing or photography, listening to music that triggers images in your mind but no words, playing computer games in which you rely on images and sounds but not on words, or simply closing your eyes, breathing calmly and visualizing empty space. Language, time and other 1-dimensional things can choke you, so ditch them when you need to.

I do the music thing, the video game thing, however I can't do the rest. And their are times I am so agitated and no outlets I start getting scared, that someone will come and tell me to stop acting like an idiot and I will have a meltdown and/or hurt them which causes the agitation to amplify. When I was younger I broke out into rages because the agitation levels got to high and I would destroy things, hurt people who had hurt me and fight until I lost all my energy until I couldn't even stay awake.

I don't know what to do when I'm put in cases of extreme agitation I can't attack someone although some people do deserve a good kick in the belly.