Monster in the Heart

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I know that deep inside of my heart sealed away is a great rage from my past. I worry that if I had a severe meltdown that the rage could be released in its entirety, which would be dangerous. In the past the rage has woken up and I was not human, I took pleasure in causing others pain, I became attracted to blood even drinking it if possible, I would laugh at victims as I taunted them. Is there anyways of releasing this rage without putting my mind at danger or anything else for that matter in danger.

Look up Jung and the Shadow side of ourselves. Also, there are some Wiccan practices which could help your psyche. This is some deep psychological insight that you have about yourself.

I had a dream recently that my monster was on his death bed. He was dying of thirst and hunger. Everyone in the room was scared of him and glad he was dying. When I entered the room and saw him lying on the bed, he looked away from me sadly as if I he didn't expect anything from me and I sensed defeat and loneliness in him. I felt sorry for him because he suddenly seemed so human.
I gave him a drink of coconut nectar and everyone was surprised and scared. But when I held his head he seemed so fragile and helpless, like a wounded animal. After he finished the drink he looked up at me gratefully. We made a beautiful connection when our eyes met and were both transformed in that loving act of kindness and understanding.

You can transform dark and evil thoughts with love because it is the strongest form of energy.
I also found that saying "Go Away" to be effective when bad thoughts creep into your head.
There are some Kabalah mantras you can learn if you do some research that are powerful at ridding this sort of thing.

Not much I can say here aside from... anger management classes possibly and a good psychologist.

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What about the addiction to the adrenaline, and power. If the beast rouses I become intoxicated with power, I crave it and I crave to feel the adrenaline coursing through my body.

Bad combo, I don't need extra adrenaline that stuff is addictive which makes drawing power from the beast much more appealing.

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What about the addiction to the adrenaline, and power. If the beast rouses I become intoxicated with power, I crave it and I crave to feel the adrenaline coursing through my body.

The only thing you can do is stop your thoughts as soon as it pops into your head. Even though it feels good at first, don't you go down just as far as you went up?

When you finally conquer this you will be so strong and then instead of wanting to kill all the bad people in the world, you'll be able to make this world a better place. You can't change the world for the better by killing people, you'll only make it worse and sell your soul by joining them. Change their minds and you can make a big difference. First learn how to change your mind.

Magnus how on earth did you get so bloody smart???

I'm not trying to be a know-it-all dispensing advice, but I have dealt with this sort of thing myself. I never talked about it, maybe because it was more sneaky and subtle and I didn't want people to think I was crazy.

I recently read a book called "Discerning Spirits" which was fascinating and helpful. The "Monster" is created by our feelings of being bad. So, if people were mean to you or hurt you by making you feel like you're bad, then you turn that into a monster and hide it. The sense of injustice empowers the monster and it's a downward spiral whenever you feed it negative thoughts and emotions.

I wish you all the best!