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HeroOfHyrule
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26 Aug 2021, 1:44 pm

When I was 15 to 17/18 my OCD symptoms + my gender dysphoria were really bad, so I developed a lot of issues with eating. Now that my OCD symptoms are getting bad because of the fact I have no stability in my life right now I am starting to have issues again. I get anxiety/feel guilty when I eat and often want to make myself vomit. When this happened before I went weeks without eating solid food and almost made myself pass out, which is why I think I have some heart issues. They started one of the times I did that and I've been too embarrassed to admit that for years.

I can't talk to anyone IRL about this because they'll freak out and it'll be embarrassing. My online friend knows, but I don't talk to them about this ever because I'm ashamed of it and don't want to bother them. I'm also worried that when I go to therapy if I mention this they won't take me seriously because I'm not underweight or anything, and I already have so many mental health issues. Even when I lost a lot of weight and was underweight my doctor didn't say anything about it, even when my mom mentioned it.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Flown
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21 Sep 2021, 2:19 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
When I was 15 to 17/18 my OCD symptoms + my gender dysphoria were really bad, so I developed a lot of issues with eating. Now that my OCD symptoms are getting bad because of the fact I have no stability in my life right now I am starting to have issues again. I get anxiety/feel guilty when I eat and often want to make myself vomit. When this happened before I went weeks without eating solid food and almost made myself pass out, which is why I think I have some heart issues. They started one of the times I did that and I've been too embarrassed to admit that for years.

I can't talk to anyone IRL about this because they'll freak out and it'll be embarrassing. My online friend knows, but I don't talk to them about this ever because I'm ashamed of it and don't want to bother them. I'm also worried that when I go to therapy if I mention this they won't take me seriously because I'm not underweight or anything, and I already have so many mental health issues. Even when I lost a lot of weight and was underweight my doctor didn't say anything about it, even when my mom mentioned it.


*hugs*

I also have OCD (with intrusive thoughts, ritualistic behaviors, and avoidant behaviors), and it can be SO hard to talk about it--even with mental health professionals. While I can't claim to know exactly what you are going through right now, I can empathize with your situation. Some of my long-running issues revolve around sleep, food, and my physical health (I have chronic health issues).

I know we have kind of gotten off on the wrong foot here on WP, but I just want to offer my support to you. You are clearly going through a lot right now, and you deserve to be seen and heard. You are welcome to vent in my inbox if you ever need it. I definitely can't claim to have all the answers, but I am willing to listen without judgment. We should never have to feel ashamed about these types of things, but the harshness of the world can sometimes convince us that we should be. I'm proud of you for posting this here, and I'm sorry that I didn't see this post sooner.

In terms of mentioning this to therapists and doctors:
YOU know yourself better than they do. If they aren't taking your concerns seriously when you bring them up, they aren't worthy of your business. They are there to work for us, not the other way around.

In terms of talking with your friends:
If you feel you can trust them, I think it's worth a shot to talk to them. If they can't be here for you for this, they weren't worthy of your friendship to begin with. You seem like an amazing person, and our true friends will share our burdens with us. I'm too am often worried about "bothering" my friends, and my therapist often presents me with a good question: "If your friend came to you with the same problem, would you feel 'bothered'?"


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HeroOfHyrule
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Location: Pacific Northwest

21 Sep 2021, 3:50 pm

Flown wrote:
*hugs*

I also have OCD (with intrusive thoughts, ritualistic behaviors, and avoidant behaviors), and it can be SO hard to talk about it--even with mental health professionals. While I can't claim to know exactly what you are going through right now, I can empathize with your situation. Some of my long-running issues revolve around sleep, food, and my physical health (I have chronic health issues).

I know we have kind of gotten off on the wrong foot here on WP, but I just want to offer my support to you. You are clearly going through a lot right now, and you deserve to be seen and heard. You are welcome to vent in my inbox if you ever need it. I definitely can't claim to have all the answers, but I am willing to listen without judgment. We should never have to feel ashamed about these types of things, but the harshness of the world can sometimes convince us that we should be. I'm proud of you for posting this here, and I'm sorry that I didn't see this post sooner.

In terms of mentioning this to therapists and doctors:
YOU know yourself better than they do. If they aren't taking your concerns seriously when you bring them up, they aren't worthy of your business. They are there to work for us, not the other way around.

In terms of talking with your friends:
If you feel you can trust them, I think it's worth a shot to talk to them. If they can't be here for you for this, they weren't worthy of your friendship to begin with. You seem like an amazing person, and our true friends will share our burdens with us. I'm too am often worried about "bothering" my friends, and my therapist often presents me with a good question: "If your friend came to you with the same problem, would you feel 'bothered'?"

Thank you for your response, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has issues talking to other people about OCD-related things. Sometimes people don't "get" it or the issues I'm talking about are just very embarassing to have, so I usually just vent on here or other forums.

My friend is also actually a very nice and supportive person, but we both have issues with having proper conversations about our problems and feelings (he's not autistic but is ND and has some of the same social issues I have), so I avoid venting to him since I feel like it puts him in an uncomfortable position to try to express empathy/sympathy towards me when he doesn't know how to. I don't mind it, but I don't have any other friends that I can talk to about stuff that bothers me, so I just kind of vent online about these things.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Flown
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22 Sep 2021, 5:01 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
Flown wrote:
*hugs*

I also have OCD (with intrusive thoughts, ritualistic behaviors, and avoidant behaviors), and it can be SO hard to talk about it--even with mental health professionals. While I can't claim to know exactly what you are going through right now, I can empathize with your situation. Some of my long-running issues revolve around sleep, food, and my physical health (I have chronic health issues).

I know we have kind of gotten off on the wrong foot here on WP, but I just want to offer my support to you. You are clearly going through a lot right now, and you deserve to be seen and heard. You are welcome to vent in my inbox if you ever need it. I definitely can't claim to have all the answers, but I am willing to listen without judgment. We should never have to feel ashamed about these types of things, but the harshness of the world can sometimes convince us that we should be. I'm proud of you for posting this here, and I'm sorry that I didn't see this post sooner.

In terms of mentioning this to therapists and doctors:
YOU know yourself better than they do. If they aren't taking your concerns seriously when you bring them up, they aren't worthy of your business. They are there to work for us, not the other way around.

In terms of talking with your friends:
If you feel you can trust them, I think it's worth a shot to talk to them. If they can't be here for you for this, they weren't worthy of your friendship to begin with. You seem like an amazing person, and our true friends will share our burdens with us. I'm too am often worried about "bothering" my friends, and my therapist often presents me with a good question: "If your friend came to you with the same problem, would you feel 'bothered'?"

Thank you for your response, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has issues talking to other people about OCD-related things. Sometimes people don't "get" it or the issues I'm talking about are just very embarassing to have, so I usually just vent on here or other forums.

My friend is also actually a very nice and supportive person, but we both have issues with having proper conversations about our problems and feelings (he's not autistic but is ND and has some of the same social issues I have), so I avoid venting to him since I feel like it puts him in an uncomfortable position to try to express empathy/sympathy towards me when he doesn't know how to. I don't mind it, but I don't have any other friends that I can talk to about stuff that bothers me, so I just kind of vent online about these things.


Well, I'm glad you have felt comfortable enough to vent here. I'll try to keep an eye out more for your posts in this forum. I've been kind of hesitant to post here (I don't know why). I'm sure we can learn a lot from each other!

About your friend: Ooh! That is difficult.

My partner (also ND) actually has a very hard time showing empathy, so I have to let him know that I'm not expecting him to go above and beyond to make me feel better. I definitely appreciate when he helps me deconstruct the intrusive or obsessive thoughts, but I don't need him to feel sorry for me or tell me everything is fine (because it f*****g isn't in that moment). Sometimes I just want to get the thoughts out there so they don't feel so awful, you know? I think taking that pressure off of him has helped a lot in our communication though.

Maybe giving others the opportunity to support us is a healthy thing? My therapist is always telling me to not rob people of the opportunities to prove themselves to me, but it can be so hard. Intrusive thoughts can feel like such an internal battle, and I feel guilty to drag anyone else into them.

Anyhoo, sorry for rambling. How have you been feeling lately in terms of your eating issues?


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HeroOfHyrule
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Posts: 6,487
Location: Pacific Northwest

22 Sep 2021, 12:27 pm

Flown wrote:
Well, I'm glad you have felt comfortable enough to vent here. I'll try to keep an eye out more for your posts in this forum. I've been kind of hesitant to post here (I don't know why). I'm sure we can learn a lot from each other!

About your friend: Ooh! That is difficult.

My partner (also ND) actually has a very hard time showing empathy, so I have to let him know that I'm not expecting him to go above and beyond to make me feel better. I definitely appreciate when he helps me deconstruct the intrusive or obsessive thoughts, but I don't need him to feel sorry for me or tell me everything is fine (because it f*****g isn't in that moment). Sometimes I just want to get the thoughts out there so they don't feel so awful, you know? I think taking that pressure off of him has helped a lot in our communication though.

Maybe giving others the opportunity to support us is a healthy thing? My therapist is always telling me to not rob people of the opportunities to prove themselves to me, but it can be so hard. Intrusive thoughts can feel like such an internal battle, and I feel guilty to drag anyone else into them.

Anyhoo, sorry for rambling. How have you been feeling lately in terms of your eating issues?

Me and my friend are both on the same terms and know that neither of us really need to express any empathy or anything, and that usually the other person just wants to vent to someone, though the feeling of needing to provide some actual comfort is obviously still there since as friends we both care about each other, and I don't want to make him feel inadequate for not being able to do that.

As for the "feeling guilty to drag anyone else into them" thing, I feel the same way sometimes, and since my friend already has his own issues I often don't want to mess up his day if he's having a good day by venting to him.

I also don't think you're rambling, actually it's helpful seeing how other people deal with these things.

I also haven't really been doing great regarding my eating issues. Things in my life still aren't really stable at all and my mom has been taking her anger out on me, so I'm very stressed out, which overall makes my MH problems worse. I still feel guilty + get anxiety when I eat, and I honestly feel that way whenever I do anything self-care related.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Flown
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23 Sep 2021, 4:46 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I also haven't really been doing great regarding my eating issues. Things in my life still aren't really stable at all and my mom has been taking her anger out on me, so I'm very stressed out, which overall makes my MH problems worse. I still feel guilty + get anxiety when I eat, and I honestly feel that way whenever I do anything self-care related.


Lack of stability is the WORST. I'm so sorry that you feel that way when practicing self-care. Are you able to pinpoint why exactly you are responding that way, or is it an automatic/subconscious response? Do you have any opportunities to "disconnect" from family and have time to yourself?

*hugs*


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HeroOfHyrule
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24 Sep 2021, 12:45 pm

Flown wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I also haven't really been doing great regarding my eating issues. Things in my life still aren't really stable at all and my mom has been taking her anger out on me, so I'm very stressed out, which overall makes my MH problems worse. I still feel guilty + get anxiety when I eat, and I honestly feel that way whenever I do anything self-care related.


Lack of stability is the WORST. I'm so sorry that you feel that way when practicing self-care. Are you able to pinpoint why exactly you are responding that way, or is it an automatic/subconscious response? Do you have any opportunities to "disconnect" from family and have time to yourself?

*hugs*

I'm honestly not exactly sure why I feel that way. I also live with my mom and don't really go anywhere, but I do try to spend time in another room and do something by myself sometimes.

*hugs back*


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).