borderline personality disorder

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Pretty sure I have BPD. Some say that because I'm AuDHD, that it's just RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria). But it's very extreme and it honestly does feel like I lose touch with reality if an episode is bad enough. I get paranoid that everything someone I'm close to does is some slight against me.

Basically for years now I'm dealt with extreme RSD in regards to friendships. It's an extreme reaction, both emotional and physical (I've had to go on blood pressure meds because the episodes push my BP up dangerously high), and it's not something my rational mind is in control of.

I once spent 36 or so hours in the mental hospital because of one of these episodes. It seems like I cannot get close to anyone without it taking over my life.

I do my best to keep my freakouts to myself and not bother anyone with them, but they are so strong that my emotions explode out in some manner or another.

My girlfriend could relate to a lot of this except she was never hospitalized. You mentioned taking blood-pressure meds but you didn't mentioned psych meds. Cass is on a few psych meds for different things & being on a mood-stabilizer as well as taking other meds for her anxiety, OCD, & depression helps her a lot. She still has some of the problems but they're a lot more manageable on the meds. She's not diagnosed with many mental things though but that may be partly due to her symptoms overlapping with lots of disorders so it's hard to know what she has or doesn't have. I was diagnosed with BPD myself along with a few other things when I was officially tested for autism & I had some major BPD symptoms in my previous two relationships & I used to in my current relationship as well. In my case the BPD was due to bad anxiety & OCD & in my first relationship I was also dealing with a psychotic depression. Treating my anxiety & OCD prevents me from getting hung up on the negative thoughts as well as from having panic attacks when I do have them. I can think a bit more logically without my emotions getting out of control.

You probably have looked up the symptoms of BPD? How many of those can recognise in your daily behaviour? When I read your post I noticed that you mainly struggle with feelings of (perceived) rejection. In order to 'qualify' for a BPD diagnosis you'll need to be a lot more dysregulated on a daily basis. (I was diagnosed with BPD a long time ago. My psychiatrist once told me that he hadn't expected to find me alive at some point).

How would knowing if you have BPD or not help you, if you don't mind my asking?

It wouldn't affect treatment much, I just tend to want to be precise with definitions even if it serves no purpose.

Would absolutely say my symptoms are extreme (or at least that the amount of pain I'm typically in is excruciating), and can be daily depending on how easy it is to avoid triggers. It seems that any friendship at all has the potential to become a death trap where I obsess over if someone is angry with me and I do make frantic attempts to save the friendship even if I'm the only one who thinks anything is amiss, etc.

It seems like I am at my most mentally healthy when I distance myself from everyone.

• Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment: yes
• Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships: absolutely
• Identity disturbance: probably
• Impulsivity: yes, but could also be ADHD
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior: not especially, though has gone there somewhat in the past
• Affective instability (rapid and intense shifts in mood, often lasting only a few hours or up to a few days): very much yes
• Chronic feelings of emptiness: absolutely
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger: no
• Transient paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms: yes, I think this is what I primarily mean by "losing touch with reality"

I can't tell you whether you have bpd, obviously but two things that were very prominent in me and peers I was in treatment with was the pretty extreme self harm, suicide attempts and addictions, on top of what you've described.

I'm somewhat relieved to read that you seem to realise that some of your behaviours could also be a symptom of something else. Some symptomsndo overlap, indeed.

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder back in the summer of 2015. Two years later, my NT sister was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Our mom has been in denial ever since.